溺水女孩獲救

山東 李全忠

1I'd been restless all morning,feeling uncomfortable and not able to put my finger on why.Everything seemed all right.I had a wonderful breakfast with my mother.Then I was sitting on the sofa holding the front page of the newspaper,but not really reading it.Some?thing was wrong,but I didn't know what it was.

2My mother didn't seem to notice my distraction (分心).She busied herself making a new quilt(被子).I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bothering me.I needed to be somewhere.I didn't know where I should go,but I knew it wasn't here inside the house.I headed for the front door and my hand automatically went to my pocket for my car keys.But then something told me I wasn't going to be driving any?where.I needed to go for a walk.

3I stepped out onto the porch (門廊),wondering where I was supposed to go.Appar?ently,my legs had an idea because I found myself starting off on one of my normal morning walks.This time,however,I turned north after going one block and walked up a street where I'd never taken a walk before.

4Feeling uncomfortable,I began to hear two female voices,and one of them was crying sharply.A voice in my head said“Hurry”and I found myself running towards the sound.I ran up to a house.Two women stood in front of the house.One of them was dressed in swim?wear and she was the one crying.

5“My baby!”she shouted,staring down at a little girl lying still on the green grass.“My baby's dead!”The other woman stood there next to her,holding her hand.She saw me approaching and said,“They were swimming in the backyard.I think her daughter's drowned.”

Reading Check

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。Paragraph 1：

Hearing this,I remembered that in college I'd been trained in CPR(心肺復(fù)蘇).

Paragraph 2：

Time was passing slowly and my heart was waiting in expectation.

寫作導(dǎo)引

一、語篇研讀

（一）基本要素

（二）主題探索

What is the text about?And what does the author want to tell us?

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二、語言學(xué)習(xí)

（一）詞塊

（二）句式

1.賓語從句

I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bother?ing me.(Para.2)

我坐著，盯著后院，想弄清楚是什么困擾著我。

2.狀語從句

Apparently,my legs had an idea because I found myself starting off on one of my nor?mal morning walks.(Para.3)

顯然，我的腿有了一個(gè)想法，因?yàn)槲野l(fā)現(xiàn)自己開始了一次常規(guī)的晨間散步。

3.非謂語作狀語

I'd been restless all morning,feeling uncomfortable and not able to put my finger on why.(Para.1)

我整個(gè)早上都坐立不安，感到不舒服，也不知道為什么。

I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bother?ing me.(Para.2)

我坐著，盯著后院，想弄清楚是什么困擾著我。

I stepped out onto the porch,wondering where I was supposed to go.(Para.3)

我走到門廊上，不知道我應(yīng)該去哪里。

“My baby!”she shouted,staring down at a little girl lying still on the green grass.(Para.5)

“我的寶貝！”她喊道，低頭盯著一個(gè)靜靜地躺在綠草地上的小女孩。

The other woman stood there next to her,holding her hand.(Para.5)

另一個(gè)女人站在她旁邊，握著她的手。

4.定語從句

This time,however,I turned north after going one block and walked up a street where I'd never taken a walk before.(Para.3)

然而，這一次，我在走過一個(gè)街區(qū)后向北轉(zhuǎn)彎，走向一條我以前從未走過的街道。

（三）即學(xué)即用

1.他的歌曲準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)了人們對(duì)愛、生活和情感關(guān)系的感受。（使用賓語從句）

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2.我決定和他們一起去，主要是因?yàn)槲覜]有更好的事情可做。（使用狀語從句）

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3.她18歲上大學(xué),四年之后，畢業(yè)時(shí)名列前茅。(使用非謂語作狀語)

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4.湯姆不喜歡他爸爸買給他的生日禮物。（使用定語從句）

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三、續(xù)寫技能

（一）落實(shí)“細(xì)微處”描寫

在描寫人物時(shí)，一定要突出細(xì)節(jié)，細(xì)微處最能體現(xiàn)情感，所以盡量不用籠統(tǒng)的詞，如smile、cry等，而用相關(guān)的描寫細(xì)節(jié)的詞匯或詞組，如：

1.Lily smiled happily.

2.Lily wore a shining smile on her face.

分析：第1 句中的smile 是一個(gè)籠統(tǒng)的描述微笑的詞匯，而第2 句中使用了wore a shining smile，用詞組的形式突出細(xì)節(jié)，展示了細(xì)微的“微笑”。

（二）體現(xiàn)“多樣性”結(jié)構(gòu)

在進(jìn)行人物描寫時(shí)，盡量避免平鋪直敘，可以多采用如非謂語動(dòng)詞的形式，表現(xiàn)謂語動(dòng)作的伴隨狀態(tài)，從而使描寫到位，并體現(xiàn)語法結(jié)構(gòu)的多樣性。如：

1.Her eyes were filled with tears,and she offered her sincere thanks to the man.

2.Tears filling her eyes,she offered her sincere thanks to the man.

分析：第1句在描寫“哭泣”時(shí)，用到了Her eyes were filled with tears。而第2句則把這句改成了獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)Tears filling her eyes，使描寫更細(xì)致、生動(dòng)，同時(shí)也體現(xiàn)了句式的多樣化，展示了高超的語言運(yùn)用能力。

（三）展示“豐富化”修辭

除了選擇細(xì)致的描寫詞匯和多樣化的句式表達(dá)外，提升語言層次的另外一種方式是多使用修辭方法，如：

1.The smile on her face shone like a diamond.

2.I feel like I am floating in an ocean of sadness.

分析：第1句把“微笑”比喻成“像鉆石一樣閃閃發(fā)光”；而第2句把“悲傷”比喻成“漂浮在悲傷的海洋里”，展示了用修辭來體現(xiàn)豐富的細(xì)節(jié)描寫。

四、續(xù)寫布局

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段段首句的內(nèi)容可知，續(xù)寫第一段可描寫“我”對(duì)孩子施救的過程。具體內(nèi)容我們可根據(jù)以下問題鏈來展開：

1.What occurred to me?

2.What did I do next?

3.How did the woman feel?

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段段首句的內(nèi)容可知，第二段可描寫“我”施救的結(jié)果。具體內(nèi)容我們可根據(jù)以下問題鏈來展開：

1.What happened to the girl after I performed CPR?

2.How did the girl feel?

3.How did the woman feel?

4.What did I do at last?