多角度解讀文本，問題鏈驅動續寫

廣東 莫炎芬

讀后續寫是近年高考試卷中書面表達的重要題型，要完成續寫，我們需要先理解原文的情節，構建情境模式，而后完成續寫內容。在續寫的過程中，我們構建的情境模式需與原文協同，以確保續寫的內容和語言風格與原文連貫、一致。 目前我們在讀后續寫中存在的普遍問題主要是對原文的解讀不夠深入，這導致在續寫過程中，續寫內容往往會出現故事情節偏離主題、角色性格前后矛盾、伏筆未能回收、角色引入不當、時空前后混亂、結局模糊與價值升華缺失等問題。 要避免這些問題，我們應從多角度解讀文本。

【名師導學】

1. 解讀角色信息。首先，我們要關注角色的性格特征。作者往往通過角色的外貌、行為、心理活動，甚至是角色形象的局部或細微變化來表現其獨有的思想、品質、習慣、價值取向等。 另外，我們要分析角色關系。 在故事中往往會出現多個角色，這就需要我們在閱讀過程中，準確地分析他們之間的關系。

2. 解讀故事時空線。 故事發生的時間、地點是故事發展的要素。 我們尤其要關注時空的轉換帶來的情節變化。我們在閱讀的過程中，可以在原文中畫出所有時空信息。

3. 解讀故事情節線。故事的情節線是故事發展的脈絡，也是我們俗稱的明線。情節線主要圍繞故事的時間、地點、人物、事件、高潮、結局展開，我們可以在閱讀原文的過程中畫出關鍵的名詞和動詞來把握故事發展的過程和細節，也可以借助“故事山”或思維導圖來分析故事的情節線。

4. 解讀情感發展線。故事的情感線也稱為暗線，關注角色的情感變化的過程和原因是解讀原文的重要抓手。了解故事中主人公的情緒變化，有助于我們了解作者的寫作意圖和觀點態度。 由于作者多借助形容詞、副詞來表現人物的情感發展和變化，進而表情達意，所以我們在閱讀原文的過程中，可以關注原文中的形容詞和副詞。

【案例導引】

I have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called “Smile”. The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so I thought this would be a piece of cake,literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my classmates and I went out to a popular restaurant on a freezing March morning. We were standing in line, waiting to be served,when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my classmates did. I did not move an inch. An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around, I smelled a horrible“dirty body” smell, and standing there behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the shorter gentleman, close to me, he was smiling. His beautiful sky-blue eyes were full of light as he searched for acceptance. He said “Good day” as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally deficient. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady behind the counter asked the shorter gentleman what they wanted.He said, “Coffee is all, Miss.” That was all they could afford to be able to sit in the restaurant and warm up. They had to buy something. They just wanted to be warm. Then I really felt it, a compulsion so great that I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That was when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my reaction. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals.

注意：

1. 所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；

2. 續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot.

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Paragraph 2:

Several days later, our teacher learned the story.

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【文本解讀】

一、原文的語篇要素

Who my classmates, I, two poor homeless men, our teacher and a young lady When on a freezing March morning What I bought breakfast for two poor homeless men.Where in a popular restaurant Why I want to spread the kindness I received.

二、原文的情節脈絡發展

三、原文中的豐富句式和巧妙用詞

（一）豐富的句式

1. Soon after we were assigned the project, my classmates and I went out to a popular restaurant on a freezing March morning. 我們被分配到這個項目后不久，我和我的同學在三月里一個寒冷的早晨去了一家很受歡迎的餐廳。

分析：作者和同學接受了老師布置的項目后，來到一家很受歡迎的餐廳，這樣的餐廳通常應該是很多人光顧的，然而后面的poor homeless men光臨時卻無人歡迎。 另外，該句交代了故事發生的天氣狀況——a freezing March morning，這樣寒冷的天氣背景為后文流浪漢來買咖啡以求一處取暖之地的情節埋下伏筆。此句中，soon after意為“不久之后”，后跟時間狀語從句。

2. As I turned around, I smelled a horrible “dirty body” smell, and standing there behind me were two poor homeless men. 當我轉過身，我聞到了一股刺鼻的體臭味，站在我身后的是兩個可憐的流浪漢。

分析：a horrible “dirty body” smell說明了兩個流浪漢讓餐廳的其他人避而遠之的原因，也更加凸顯了作者主動幫他們買早餐的可貴之處。 另外，standing there behind me were two poor homeless men為倒裝句，強調了兩位“不速之客”的到來，豐富了文章的句式。

（二）巧妙的用詞

文章多處通過情感、心理和動作細節描寫刻畫人物形象和表達人物的內心活動，使讀者身臨其境。 例如：

1. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my classmates did. 我們正在排隊等候服務，突然，我們周圍的每個人都開始后退，甚至我的同學也后退了。

分析：back away生動地表現了眾人對兩個流浪漢的嫌棄。

2. I did not move an inch. An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. 我一動也沒動。 當我轉過頭來想看看他們為什么移動時，一種強烈的恐慌情緒涌上了我的心頭。

分析：move an inch、an overwhelming feeling和welled up都十分生動形象地描寫了作者當時的反應和情感的變化。

3. He said “Good day” as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. 他一邊數著那幾枚一直攥著的硬幣，一邊說“你好”。

分析：counted和had been clutching讓這個流浪漢捉襟見肘的窘境躍然紙上，十分傳神。

4. I held my tears as I stood there with them. 我強忍著淚水，和他們站在一起。

分析：held my tears刻畫了作者當時復雜的心情，既為他們的處境感到傷心，又要挺身而出，幫他們一把。

5. That was when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my reaction. 就在那時，我注意到餐廳里所有人的目光都聚焦在我身上，（他們）評判著我的反應。

分析：用all eyes in the restaurant were set on me來描寫其他人的反應，正確且形象。

四、重視協同效應，利用問題鏈驅動續寫

1. 語言協同：巧設問題鏈，分析文本語言特點。

問題鏈一：

（1）原文語言有什么特點？

（2）文中有哪些能作為伏筆的句子或好詞好句？

通過閱讀原文，我們可以體會原文中freezing、back away、welled up、clutching、all eyes were set on me等巧妙用詞，這些表達實現了對情感、心理和動作細節的描寫。 文中還有倒裝句standing there behind me were two poor homeless men、現在分詞作狀語all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my reaction等表達。

分析原文語言風格，為了實現續寫的語言風格與原文語言風格一致，可以使用準確的描寫、倒裝句、現在分詞作狀語、無靈主語來表達人物的動作和心理活動。

2. 情感協同：巧設問題鏈，解讀人物性格及情感。

問題鏈二：

（1）核心人物“我”有怎樣的性格特點？

（2）最能體現“我”性格特點或情感的句子有哪些？

（3）其他主要人物有何性格特點？

原文中，作者對自己的性格有明確的描寫，比如：a very friendly person and always smile at everyone。 最能體現“我”的性格特點或情感的句子有an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me、I held my tears、I smiled and asked the young lady等。其他主要人物的性格特點，通過他們在關鍵時刻的反應，就鮮明地表現出來了。

3. 情節協同：巧設問題鏈，構思情節內容。

問題鏈三：

根據續寫第一段的段首句“I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot.”，可設計以下問題鏈，推動情節發展。

（1）“我”把早餐給兩個流浪漢后，他們的反應如何？

（2）餐廳的其他人的反應如何？

（3）店家的反應如何？

（4）“我”的反應如何？

根據續寫第二段的段首句“Several days later, our teacher learned the story.”，可設計以下問題鏈，推動情節發展。

（1）老師得知這個故事后會有何反應？

（2）“我”會怎樣做？

（3）“我”的感悟是什么？

總之，巧設問題鏈可引導我們思考續寫情節的方向，培養我們構思讀后續寫內容的能力。

【參考范文】

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the shorter gentleman's cold hand.He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, “Thank you.” I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, “I don't do this for you. I do this for all the kindness I received.” At this moment, the restaurant resounded with thunderous applause. Then the young lady came to me, returning my money, but I refused.

Several days later, our teacher learned the story. She called and invited me to make a speech for the freshmen. I told the freshmen we all had been helped by others in the past, and we all want the world to be a place full of love and kindness, so let's start from small things and start from ourselves. The easiest thing is smiling at all the people around us, no matter how they look, and lending a helping hand whenever necessary.Only in this way can we make the world more harmonious.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Lying in bed with my husband, Gary, then 50, we were recalling. I first met Gary at the yoghurt shop where I worked. He's cute, I thought, begging my friend to set us up.Tying the knot 18 months later, in 1988, we couldn't wait to start a family. Fast forward 31 years, we were now the proud parents of Matthew, 31, Andrew, 28, Alex, 25, Sophia,21, and Samuel, 18. Our four eldest kids had flown the coop, and Samuel, in his final year of school, was preparing to follow in their footsteps. With six bedrooms, Gary and I wondered what we would do once we became empty nesters.

“Maybe we should sell the house,” Gary suggested. But over the next six months,we never got around to it. Furthermore, we were busy as foster carers, which we'd done for the past five years. Though I loved every child who stayed with us, we had no plans to have any youngsters permanently. After all, we'd raised five kids already.

Then, scrolling through Internet in January, 2019, I saw an article. “Seven siblings in need of a good home,” it read, beside a photo of the kids in their best clothes. My heart went out to their hopeful smiles. Reading, I discovered the children—Adeline, then 13,Ruby, 11, Aleecia and Anthony, both 6, Aubrey, 4, Leo, 3, and Xander, 2—had been in a devastating car accident six months earlier. Tragically, their parents had died and the youngsters had been badly injured. It was a miracle they'd survived.

“We have to help them,” I thought, tagging Gary in the post. “Can we adopt them?”I wrote, expecting him to tell me I was crazy. With Gary working for the post office and me a lawyer, I knew we had the finances to make it work. And as the hours passed, I couldn't push the kids out of my mind. Who else would have the room to keep them all together? I wondered. It would be devastating if they had to be split up.

By the time Gary arrived home from work, I'd armed myself with a speech ready to plead my case. But when I asked him if he'd seen the article, his response left me floored.

注意：

1. 所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；

2. 續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

“Yes,” he replied, calmly. “We should adopt them.”

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Paragraph 2:

Now, we couldn't imagine our lives without them.

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【評價導思】

1. 請歸納本文中細節描寫相關的詞匯或句子。

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2. 文章使用了哪些靈活多變的句式？

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3. 對比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？

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