You’ve got questions? she’s got answers

(but you probably wont like them)

There were two men fighting outside my apartment at 5 a.m. over a parking spot. They woke me up even though I live on the sixth floor. So ridiculous! How do I prevent this from happening again?

Mr. Sleepy-at-work

Ah, wish Id been there to 管管閑事 (guǎnguǎnxiánshì)! Fights are the best opportunity to get the neighborhood八卦 (bāguà, gossip). You 錯過太多 (cuòguòtàiduō, missed out on too much)! Also, 看看你 (kànkan nǐ, look at you), living on the sixth floor, getting sleepy at work, you think you are 了不起 (liǎobuqǐ, something)? So many 畢業(yè)生 (bìyèshēng, new graduates) out there cannot find a job and 租不起 (zūbuqǐ, cannot afford) apartments, while you are still 賴床 (làichuáng, sleeping in) at 5 a.m. I think your problem is that you 不懂珍惜 (bùdǒngzhēnxī, do not cherish what you have). At 5 a.m. I am already at the park 打太極 (dǎtàijí, doing tai chi). Heres a 主意 (zhǔyi, idea): Why dont you tell the 吵架的 (chǎojià de, people who fight) to come do tai chi with me? It will help them be more 心平氣和 (xīnpíngqìhé, calm), and 尊重他人 (zūnzhòngtārén, respectful of others) in 公共空間 (gōnggòngkōngjiān,public spaces).

I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend. To be honest, I dont think being single is a problem, but why am I not one of those people in a romantic relationship?

Iris

Just think about all the 麻煩 (máfan, trouble) youve saved yourself by not having a boyfriend. More time for you to 旅游 (lǚyóu, travel) and develop some 愛好 (àihào, hobbies), unless you are a loser who doesnt have any! Arent there a lot of 年輕姑娘 (niánqīnggūniang, young women) nowadays who preach about 獨立 (dúlì, independence) and 搞錢 (gǎoqián, making money)? I know, I know, 愛情 (àiqíng, love) is beautiful and all, but just wait until your boyfriend turns into husband and then a 酒鬼 (jiǔguǐ, alcoholic) and 賭徒 (dǔtú, gambler). Decades down the road youll still be sending them money! Dont 著急 (zháojí, rush), they all say 強扭的瓜不甜 (qiángniǔ de guābùtián, “the forcibly picked melon is not sweet,” or forced results are hardly satisfying). I say, take a chill pill, 投資自己 (tóuzīzìjǐ, invest in ones self), and 順其自然 (shùnqízìrán, let things happen naturally)—speaking of which, my square dancing friends might have some good 門道 (méndao, leads) for financial investment if you are interested...

– Illustration and design by Cai Tao and Gao Fei

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