Excessive Efforts: Why You Always Think You’re Not Good Enough

The author of this book selects the stories of eight clients. Through in-depth communication with them step by step， the author accompanies them through the whole process from exploration， resistance， and awareness， to action， and helps them learn to care for themselves and to be nice to themselves.

Zhou Muzi

Zhou Muzi is a psychological consultant and the founder of Sincere Counseling， a psychology counseling house. Her main works include Emotional Blackmail， Relationship Black Hole， They All Say “You Should”， etc.

Excessive Efforts： Why You Always Think You’re Not Good Enough

Zhou Muzi

CITIC Press Group

January 2022

58.00 （CNY）

It’s over. Mom is leaving！

“I remember that something happened at that time.”

Looking at Xiaoguai， Pinxuan spoke in the beginning and stopped. I sat up， leaned forward a little and towards Pin Xuan， but still remained silent until she was ready to tell me.

I didn’t know how long it had been that Pinxuan started to talk.

“I was only eight years old at the time， and I was just in the second grade of elementary school. There was only half a day of classes that day. When I came home from school， I found that my mother was actually at home. She seemed to be packing something in the room and putting the things into a large suitcase. I realized something was wrong， but somehow I dared not go over and ask for the reason.”

“Later， I heard my mother picking up a phone call， and it seemed to be my aunt on the other end of the phone. I heard that my mother said： ‘Who can go on with such a husband， a family， and a marriage？’ I remembered one night when my parents seemed to argue about my older brother. My father scolded my mother for not teaching my older brother well， and my mother said that my older brother didn’t live up to their expectations because my father’s genes were not good.” Pinxuan smiled wryly.

“When I heard what my mother said on the phone， I immediately got goosebumps all over my body. Yes， when I think about it now， that feeling is so strong.” Pinxuan laughed and then cried.

“Thoughts ran through my mind： ‘It’s over， mom is leaving！’ I was so scared， and then I ran into the room crying， took my mom’s hand， and said to my mom， ‘Mom， don’t go. I’ll be good. Do not go！’”

Pinxuan started to hold on to Xiaoguai and kept crying.

Pinxuan took a tissue to wipe her tears.

“We cried on each other’s shoulders. In my memory， she didn’t actually leave.”

Tears welled up in my eyes.

“When you think about it now， what effect do you think this thing has on you？” “To be honest， I forgot about this. Before coming here to consult， I thought I would be good because I was afraid that my parents nagged me， or my older brother always quarreled with my parents. So I had to be good.” Pinxuan shed more and more tears.

“I only remember it now. I told myself at that time， I must be good， or my mother would leave.”

What a heart-wrenching understanding this was.

“No wonder you worked so hard and were so good. It was not easy for Xiaoguai who really worked hard and tried hard with you to keep your mother. When no one could help you face all this， only Xiaoguai accompanied you and helped you. How amazing she was.” I looked at Pinxuan with wet eyes.

“Would you like to say thank you to the hard-working Xiaoguai？ To thank her for her hard work and being with you all the time？”

Pinxuan looked at Xiaoguai， and then slowly hugged her tightly. “You worked so hard， you tried so hard， thank you.”

Thank you for making me not alone when I was helpless at that time. Thank you for not giving up.

Thank you for always working hard with me. I really appreciate you.

I looked at Pinxuan who hugged her younger self very tight.

That may be the hug Xiaoguai awaited for a long time.