A Journey to Light: A Ten-year Parenting Note of How a Happy Mother Relieves Anxiety

This book describes a total of 30 representative parent-child scenarios， involving companionship， communication， learning， and other aspects. It narrates the author’s daily life， and also introduces other parenting experiences for extended reading. This book gives references and inspirations to new parents.

Abao

Abao， a host and producer at Liaoning Traffic Radio， won the Golden Mike Award for National Broadcasting Host.

A Journey to Light： A Ten-year Parenting Note of How a Happy Mother Relieves Anxiety

Abao

Liaoning People’s Publishing House

January 2022

58.00 （CNY）

An ordinary baby learns to call “Dad”， “Mom”， and single words at around one year old and says simple sentences at about two years old. At the age of three， they can recite children’s songs and poems and express more complicated sentences. My daughter didn’t speak late， but she couldn’t pronounce words correctly. In particular， she couldn’t pronounce velars. This is a little difficult to understand. In other words， she couldn’t pronounce g， k， and h in pinyin correctly. She used to pronounce g as d， and h as t.

At the beginning， I was not worried. Instead， I was calm. As we know， everyone’s oral muscle groups develop at a different speed. It takes less time for some， and more for others.

Like this， one year passed in the primary class of kindergarten.

Professionally speaking， it is normal that a three-year-old kid is unable to speak clearly. Parents can encourage their kids to listen accurately before speaking. They shouldn’t repeat the words that kids cannot say correctly again and again. Otherwise， kids may be too nervous to speak.

I knew the truth， but I couldn’t stay calm for a long time. If I didn’t solve this problem， I would be anxious and blame myself. Therefore， I would say to myself， “You live on speaking， but you haven’t taught your kid how to speak well.”

“Mom， why can’t I speak as clearly as other kids？” my daughter asked me one day. After going to kindergarten， she had pals and clear comparison objects. She realized the difference between herself and others and became sensitive and inferior.

At this time， the consolation of others couldn’t comfort me. As my friend Chen Jun said， “A real dilemma is the dilemma itself.” Only when this dilemma is truly solved can you relieve anxiety.

A psychologist friend told me that he had provided psychological counseling for many people and relieved many people’s anxiety. But when his father was lying in the ward， the anxiety and hesitation couldn’t be solved with any psychological counseling skill he had mastered.

At this time， though I was anxious， I had to stay calm in front of my child. I couldn’t bring my anxiety upon the innocent child.

In the next two years of kindergarten， I consulted doctors and psychologists and sought advice from several seniors in broadcasting and teachers engaged in language. All their answers were： Abao， don’t worry. Don’t take her to the hospital or for any operation. Give your child a chance to correct herself.

I chose to believe her.

During the childcare process， it was my first time to realize that something couldn’t be done solely through my own efforts. My child wouldn’t grow up entirely in the way I thought. She was herself， and I could only accept both perfection and imperfection. At the same time， however， I couldn’t give up drawing the perfect circle.

I said to the kindergarten teachers， “Tingting cannot pronounce g， k， and h clearly. Please don’t make any special corrections.” The teachers understood it.

During the three years， we never gave up practicing. When we saw a dog， I taught her “dog”， but she said “dod”. After repeating it again and again， she became angry and wouldn’t say it again. I didn’t force her but instead changed the topic.

However， things didn’t get better.

Actually， for most mothers， whether they want to make great achievements， their body and mind will be naturally tied to their child after she has one.

In a blink of an eye， Tingting was going to primary school.

In primary school， she had to face the teachers’ questions in class and communicate with her classmates. Her unclear speech began to affect her daily study and friendship.

Once again， I went to her school and talked with her teacher at the interval of parents’ open classes. I told teachers about my daughter’s difficulties with pronunciation. I hoped they would treat her normally. They needn’t evade her speech issues or correct her too much. Her pronunciation couldn’t be solved by simple correction in class. Each time she was corrected in front of classmates， her pronunciation errors would be highlighted. As a result， she would be afraid to communicate with others and was less confident. Ignoring this problem was the best choice.

I should say that my daughter’s teachers are all very kind. They understood her and also encouraged her in their own way. The honest and effective communication with teachers can be regarded as a valuable gift for my child who had just entered primary school.

My daughter knew well that her pals couldn’t understand her words sometimes. In the first semester of Grade One， several classmates came to play at home.

One of them told me， “Auntie， sometimes I can’t understand Tingting’s words.” At that moment， I was particularly impressed and speechless.

I really wanted to take her to the doctor. I thought she must see the doctor without delay.

But things turned for the better unexpectedly and naturally. I can never forget the scene.

On that night， I had a bedtime talk with my daughter as usual. We did this every night before going to bed. We chatted for more than ten minutes. Then I suggested that we try g， k， and h.

At this time， she was very relaxed. When she chatted with me and listened to stories every night， she felt most relaxed.

She agreed happily.

“Honey， just try it. Don’t use much strength and don’t move the tip of your tongue. Touch the root of your tongue with the palate. Don’t hurry.”

Soon， she pronounced the k sound.

I was so excited that my heart nearly jumped out. “Honey， say k three times – kkk.” She said them clearly again.

“Your pronunciation on k is right. Now you can also make g correctly.” All right！ She said g， too.

Next， she said “Gege （elder brother）”， and it was right. “Gougou （puppy），” good.

“Kexue （science），” also good. She did it！

Both of us jumped up from the bed.

She said to me in a loud voice， “Mom， I know how to say the words！ I can say all the words！”

Like this， we solved her pronunciation "together on that night.

We repeated those words again and again， as if we had never read a book. We wanted to ensure that we were not dreaming. We were afraid that she couldn’t do it when we woke up the next morning.

It was already midnight， but I couldn’t help telling this news to my daughter’s Chinese language teacher.

This made me realize that raising a child is like growing a tree. In this process， you should make every effort， such as fertilizing and loosening the soil， but you cannot see it growing until it suddenly begins to sprout someday. If you give up due to depression and frustration， this sapling may need more time to grow up. Otherwise， it is impossible for this sapling to tower.