貝阿呂作品

◎董繼平 譯

風

那磨損的一切都被揉破——熄滅的笑容，死去的思想，褪色的愛情，那永遠被拋棄、永遠被遺忘的一切，迷失的日子，被淹沒的大陸，群星的幽靈——風都把它們統統聚集起來，拉扯著扔在我的臉上。我并沒有因此而稍有不安。我勇敢地面對著風。重要的事情就是不要退縮，然后吞掉一切，消化一切。否則，風很早以前就把我給吹翻了，吹得我飛起來，帶著我就像其余一切離開，那無法阻礙的風。最后它明白了，習慣于我這個障礙物，這顆肉中刺。如今我們在一起相處得很好，當風吹來的時候，我甚至無需抓住什么東西了，我讓自己成為它的一分子。它知道，在它的表皮之下的某處，存在著我這個貪吃的微生物，這空空蕩蕩的內臟，這敞開的無底之胃。一天中的每個時辰，要是風不把那么多東西、那么多念頭、那么多計劃收集起來喂我，它們就會被減少到虛無！它知道我那怪物一般奇大的胃口，為了讓我滿意，它會環繞地球二十次。徒勞無益。如果它有經驗，我就有胃。它把一切都帶給我：動物、樹木、花朵、少女和仙子，我直接攝入，我保持，我跟我的鳥兒、我的云朵混合起來。

THE WIND

Everything that is worn crumpled broken—extinguished smiles，dead thoughts， faded loves， everything that has been forever abandoned， forever forgotten， lost days， submerged continents，ghosts of stars——the wind gathers up，takes in tow，throws in my face.I don，t get upset about so little.I stand up to it.The important thing is not to flinch， then to swallow everything， to digest everything.Otherwise the wind would long ago have knocked me over，and sent me flying，and carried me off like all the rest，the wind that nothing encumbers.Finally it understood， got used to the obstacle，a thorn in its flesh.Now we get on well together;I don't even have to cling on to something when it blows;I make myself one with it.It knows that somewhere under its epidermis there is this voracious microbe，this empty gut，this open maw.How many things，how many ideas，how many projects would be reduced to nothing every hour of the day if it did not collect them to feed me with! It knows my ogre，s appetite and circles the earth twenty times in order to satisfy me.In vain.If it has experience I have a stomach.Everything it brings me，animals，trees，flowers，girls and fairies，I take straight in，I keep，I mix with my birds，my clouds.

攝影師

一天傍晚，正當我要上床睡覺，我感到了一種不安觸及到我的靈魂深處，那種不安迅速變成名副其實的折磨。我的生活會留下什么？我從不曾有時間想過。

這樣一種偶然的態度的不負責任壓倒了我。為了改正它，我感到很焦慮，于是第二天早晨，我就匆匆去買了一臺高精密相機，用它就可能給自己攝影。說實話，從那一刻起，我就如此忙碌于有關自己的最微小的細節，以至于我把吃飯喝水都給忘掉了：如今對于我，重要的一切就是我自己在吃飯喝水的過程中的形象了。

既然我不再過著我的生活，而僅僅是拍攝它，我就注意到了我的大多數行為，我迄今為止最嚴肅認真地表現的行為，容易降低成單純的表現。我太快就意識到缺乏想象力，老實說，是缺乏對這些視覺記錄的興趣。這批對最常規的姿勢的照片收藏品，會把我描繪給子孫后代嗎？

因此，這導致我去考慮我的本性的無限復雜性，我發現了許多我總是假裝不知道其用途的情感。由于關注于給我的那些偉大的侄甥留下忠實的肖像，即便是以耍花招為代價，這一念頭也迅速推動我，讓景色和跟這些可能性有某種聯系的臨時演員伴隨自己左右。

人們可以看到，我放棄了國內生活，拿著相機踏上環球旅行。我自然不打算在我被吸引前往的地方耗費任何時間：我的目的純粹是在這里待得夠久，足以拍攝一張快照。然后，我還尋求名人的陪伴，時尚女人、藝術家、政治家，而最終還有一幫拉皮條的人和風塵女子，其中還包括幾個小偷和兩個兇手。當然，他們大多數人都只是演員。但在他們中間，我終于能在相機前一絲不茍地表演——表演我在生活中扮演的各種角色。

PHOTOGRAPHER

One evening，just as I was going to bed，I felt touched to the depths of my soul by a disquiet that was quickly transformed into a veritable torment.What would remain of my life?I had never had time to think about it.

I was overwhelmed by the irresponsibility of such a casual attitude.Anxious to rectify it，I hurried next morning to purchase a highly sophisticated camera with which it was possible to photograph oneself.From that moment on， It is true to say， I was so busy recording the slightest details concerning myself that I forgot to eat and drink:all that mattered to me now was the image of myself in the process of eating and drinking.

Now that I was no longer living my life but merely photographing it，I noticed that most of my actions，which I had hitherto performed with the greatest seriousness， were easily reduced to their simple representation.Quickly too I became aware of the lack of imagination，to be blunt the lack of interest of these visual records.Was I to be depicted for posterity by this collection of the most conventional gestures?

Led thus to reflect upon the infinite complexity of my nature，I discovered a multitude of emotions of whose use I had always pretended to be ignorant.And the concern to leave to my great nephews a faithful portrait， even at the cost of trickery， quickly impelled me to surround myself with scenery and supernumeraries that had some connection with these possibilities.

I could be seen abandoning a domestic existence and globetrotting camera in hand.Naturally I had no intention of spending any length of time in the places to which I was attracted:my aim was simply to stay here long enough for a snap-shot.Then I sought the company of celebrities，fashionable women，artists，statesmen，and finally even a gang of pimps and prostitutes that included several thieves，and two murderers.Most of them，of course，were only actors.But among them I was at last able to act out scrupulously， in front of the camera,all the parts I had played in my life.