Tough Love

Yang Tingting

How to survive your parents nagging during vacation

假期回家的你，被父母這樣嫌棄過嗎？

by Yang Tingting (楊婷婷)

Everyone needs a break sometimes. For students, the vacation is a well-earned rest from all-nighters, exams, and dull lectures, as well as a time to catch up with family and friends back home.

Yet having to take care of their kids all summer can be tough for parents. Every September, when elementary and middle school students return to school, parents celebrate with memes like “mythical beasts returning to the cage (神獸歸籠shénshòuguīlóng).” The feelings of relief can cut both ways: According to a 2020 survey from Capital Campus Press Union, a media arm of the Communist Youth League, over 85 percent of 1,622 college students in China said their parents nagged them during the holidays.

Conflict between parents and children can be triggered by numerous tiny things. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder—or in Chinese, “distance creates beauty (距離產生美jùlíchǎnshēngměi).” The rapid change in parents attitudes from nice to nagging during school vacations have caused some internet users to exclaim, tongue firmly in cheek: “In just a few short days, my vacation showed me the fickleness of human kindness (假期短短幾天讓你感受到人情的冷暖Jiàqīduǎnduǎnjǐtiānràngnǐgǎnshòudàorénqíng de lěngnuǎn).”

Offering comfort

Many college students are living away from their parents for the first time, and the distance from home may be such that they can only see their families once or twice a year. After such a long separation, most students expect to be greeted at home with a warm hug, their favorite dishes on the table, and unusually attentive parents:

Mom, long time no see! My holiday has started!

Mā, hǎojiǔbújiàn! Wǒfàngjiàlā!

媽，好久不見！我放假啦！

Baby, I missed you so much!

Háizi, māxiǎngsǐnǐ le!

孩子，媽想死你了！

In the early days of vacation, you can expect some nice treats at no expense, and there is no need for you, the apple of your parents eyes or 掌上明珠(zhǎngshàngmíngzhū, literally “pearl in the palm”), to do any chores:

I made you your favorite dishes. Just have fun at home on this holiday.

Māgěinǐzuòlenǐzuìàichī de cài, fàngjiàzàijiāhǎohǎowán.

媽給你做了你最愛吃的菜，放假在家好好玩。

No need to wash up. Your father will do it, just leave the dishes on the table when youre done eating.

Búyòngxǐwǎn, ràngnǐbàxǐ, chīwánfàngzàizhuōshangjiùxíng.

不用洗碗，讓你爸洗，吃完放在桌上就行。

In hot water

However, your parents attitude typically changes after a few days. In the time they spend apart, many parents and children forget the personality differences and generation gaps that made them clash when living together. To parents accustomed to keeping regular hours, sleeping past 8 a.m. is a sign of laziness, and a messy room is an indication of moral decay.

Some parents also forget that their children are now young adults, and are used to making their own decisions. They find everything about their offsprings lifestyle choices to be objectionable (不順眼búshùnyǎn), from the hour that they go to bed to how they spend their leisure time:

Mom, let me just sleep a little longer.

Mā, ràngwǒzàishuìyìhuǐr.

媽，讓我再睡一會兒。

In the morning you dont get up, and in the evening you dont go to bed.

Zǎoshangbùqǐ, wǎnshangbúshuì.

早上不起，晚上不睡。

Do you know what time it is? Why are you still not up? And your room is a dump. Why dont you clean it?

Jǐdiǎn le? Háibùqǐchuáng? Fángjiānnàmeluàn, yěbùzhīdàoshōushiyíxià.

幾點了？還不起床？房間那么亂，也不知道收拾一下。

You play on your phone all day and never go outside.

Yìtiāndàowǎnjiùzhīdàowánshǒujī, zàijiā li wōzhebùchūmén.

一天到晚就知道玩手機，在家里窩著不出門。

Even pleading illness cannot evoke your mothers sympathy—shell find some way to blame it on you:

Mom, I have a headache.

Mā, wǒtóuténg.

媽，我頭疼。

Its because you look at your phone too much.

Wánshǒujīwán de ba.

玩手機玩的吧。

Yet if you decide to put down your phone and go out with your friends, your parents might feel neglected:

Mom, I want to go out.

Mā, wǒxiǎngchūqùwán.

媽，我想出去玩。

You go drinking with your friends every day. Is our home a hotel to you?

Tiāntiānchūqùhējiǔjiànpéngyou, nǐbǎjiādānglǚguǎn a.

天天出去喝酒見朋友，你把家當旅館啊。

Why did you even come home? You might just as well go back to school.

Nǐ huílai gàn má? Nǐ hái bùrú huí xuéxiào.

你回來干嘛？你還不如回學校。

If your parents decide to clean your room themselves, and “accidentally” misplace something, be prepared for them to make this into another teaching opportunity—or, to use a Chinese idiom, “指桑罵槐(zhǐsāngmàhuái, literally, ‘point at a mulberry tree to abuse a scholar tree, criticize a person for one flaw by pointing to other shortcomings)”:

Mom, where did you put my T-shirt? I cant find it.

Mā, nǐbǎwǒ T xùfàngnǎlǐqù le? Wǒzhǎobúdào le.

媽，你把我T恤放哪里去了？我找不到了。

Dont ask me. If you dont put your own things away, how am I supposed to know where they are?

Dōngxizhǎobúdàojiùláizhǎowǒ? Nǐzìjǐ de dōngxizìjǐbùzhīdàoshōu, wǒzěnmezhīdào?

東西找不到就來找我？你自己的東西自己不知道收，我怎么知道?

And of course, there is the endless daily micromanaging and nagging:

Did you shower?

Nǐxǐzǎo le ma?

你洗澡了嗎？

Have you done laundry?

Nǐxǐyīfu le ma?

你洗衣服了嗎？

Did you cook dinner?

Nǐzuòfàn le ma?

你做飯了嗎？

Did you take the dog out for a walk?

Nǐdàigǒuxiàqùsànbù le ma?

你帶狗下去散步了嗎？

Making peace

The parent-child relationship doesnt have to be adversarial. You could make an effort to change your habits, live up to your parents expectation of “reading more and doing more housework (多讀書多做家務duōdúshūduōzuòjiāwù),” and learn to toe the line or “在夾縫中生存 (zàijiāfèngzhōngshēngcún, live between the cracks).” After all, its only for a few weeks at most—and your parents wont be around forever:

Mom, all I want on this vacation is to study hard rather than go out.

Mā, zhècìshǔjià, wǒyàohǎohǎoxuéxí, bùchūqù le.

媽，這次暑假，我要好好學習，不出去了。

Mom, Im going to cook today. You just take a rest.

Mā, jīntiānwǒláizuòfàn, nínxiēxie.

媽，今天我來做飯，您歇歇。

It might also be nice to show some appreciation for what your parents do for you:

Mom, even the food you make with your eyes closed tastes better than what they serve in our cafeteria.

Mā, nǐbìzheyǎnjingchǎocàiyěbǐshítángzuò de hǎochī.

媽，你閉著眼睛炒菜也比食堂做的好吃。

And who knows, maybe your parents will even reciprocate by making concessions of their own:

This time, I will not nag at you to come back when you go out.

Zhècìchūqù, māmajuéduìbùcuīnǐhuílai.

這次出去，媽媽絕對不催你回來。

Positive thinking

If your vacation just ended with you grateful to be back in your adult life, it helps to mentally prepare for the next one:

Im going home tomorrow. I bet I could be a sweetheart for a couple of days.

Míngtiānhuíjiā, yīnggāikěyǐzuòjǐtiānbǎobèi.

明天回家，應該可以做幾天寶貝。

Or just keep your visits short:

My parents didnt have time to get sick of me before I went back to school.

Bàmāháiméiyǒuxiánqìwǒ, wǒjiùyǐjīngfǎnxiàoshàngkè le.

爸媽還沒有嫌棄我，我就已經返校上課了。

Illustration Design and Painting by Cai Tao and Wang Siqi