AGONY AYI麻煩阿姨

YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS?SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

Now that it’s possible to have three children, all our friends are talking about it. But we have a 3-year-old,and it already feels like a struggle. What’s your opinion on this matter?

Kevin Chen

Oh shut up! I’m done with 看孩子 (kān háizi, taking care of children)! That was what I told my daughter when she brought this up. Grandmas need some me time, so I say 適可而止 (shìkě’érzhǐ, enough is enough)! Then again, your dumb generation is doing it all wrong! I had seven siblings,and when I was little I babysat my younger siblings, did all the chores, and even helped with the farm work. I don’t know about you, but it wasn’t a bad deal at all for my parents! Plus, with multiple kids, you’ll be much less 焦慮 (jiāolǜ, anxious) when it comes to their education, since you don’t have to 在一棵樹上吊死 (zài yì kē shù shang diào sǐ, “hang yourself in one tree,” put all your eggs in one basket). Haven’t you heard? 虎生三子, 必有一彪 (Hǔ shēng sān zǐ, bì yǒu yì biāo, If the tiger has three cubs, one is bound to be fierce)!

As a local, where do you recommend for camping around Beijing? I love the outdoors and feel adventurous.

Brian Bao

搞啥名堂 (Gǎo shá míngtang, What the hell)? You want to go to a place that’s 前不著村，后不著店 (qián bù zhāo cūn, hòu bù zhāo diàn, “no village ahead, no inn behind,” in the middle of nowhere)? Why spend half your life paying off an apartment in the city, only to sleep in a tent in the 荒郊野嶺 (huāngjiāo-yělǐng, desolate suburb and wild mountain ridge) and not shower? What’s wrong with you? It’s like we are going backward! You must have your head crushed by a door to think 風餐露宿 (fēngcān-lùsù, eating in the wind and sleeping in the open) is even a good idea, you 野人(yěrén, caveman)! What if there’s an accident? You 活膩了(huó nì le, getting tired of being alive)? Listen, if you must have some fresh air, why don’t you come to the park with me in the morning? It’s much safer, and I can teach you how to use the exercise equipment.