You’ve got questions? she’s got answers

Wise Ayi， do you have any traditional tips for healthy eating？ I already drink only sugar-free drinks and stay away from fat， carbs， gluten， and red meat.

Healthy Cathy

You spoiled brats with 臭毛病 （ch7um1obing， bad habits）！ Do you know how hard I had to work on the farm to get a measly bowl of 米飯 （m@f3n， rice） when I was young？ All we knew back then was 人是鐵，飯是鋼 （r9n sh# ti0， f3n sh# g`ng， people are iron， food makes them steel）！ We ate anything we could get our hands on. Now your lazy， idle generation has nothing better to do but 挑肥揀瘦 （ti`of9i ji2nsh7u， pick the best for oneself）; you havent 吃苦 （ch～k^， “eaten bitter，” endured hardship） for a single day！ Its true， 飽漢不知餓漢饑 （b2oh3n b& zh～ -h3n j～， “the well-fed dont know the pain of the starving”）. You want tips？ Try the traditional Daoist practice of 辟谷 （b#g^， “eliminate grain，” to stop eating entirely and live solely on the qi of the universe）. According to legend， this can make you immortal！

Help！ My retired mom is clearly addicted to her phone， watching short videos of family dramas and livestreams of folk songs all day long. Now she thinks she can be a web celebrity， too！ What should I do？

Worried Wong

Why dont you leave her to it！ Its clear that any virtual family life is more 精彩 （j～ngc2i， exciting） than the one you are involved in. You heartless 白眼兒狼 （b1iy2nrl1ng， “white-eyed wolf，” ungrateful person）！ She didnt 辛辛苦苦 （x～nx～nk^k^， take great pains） raising you to have you 潑冷水 （p4l0ngshu@， “pour cold water on，” discourage） her. Whats the big deal with livestreaming anyway？ In fact， I recently opened my own video channel， showing all my 43 忠實粉絲 （zh4ngsh！ f0ns～， devoted fans） my every meal. Theres even one handsome young man who sent me a message， saying he wanted to come to see me， his “親愛的大姐 （q～n'3i de d3ji0， dear big sister）.” I havent heard from him since I transferred him some 路費 （l&f-i， travel expenses）， but Im sure hes just busy with work at the moment. Anyway， give your mom a break， she deserves it！

Got questions for our Agony Ayi？ Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com