Grandparenting:The Chinese Way

With the Chinese New Year being a time of togetherness,my mind can’t help but ponder the topic of family.Family is one of the most foundational institutions in any culture.From strong families come strong communities;from strong communities come strong leaders and followers.

In my humble opinion,China is one of the countries that puts the most emphasis on the importance of the family structure.At the very base of this structure are the grandparents—the silent superheroes within Chinese culture.

I have lived in this country for quite some time but even after only a few months in China,I observed the touching role of grandparents in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

My observations began one Sunday afternoon.The weather was bright and I decided to spend the afternoon at East Lake.Upon arriving and setting up my wooly blanket,I sat down and took some time to bask in the beauty.On the right side,there was an old couple playing soccer with a young boy and cheering him on every time he scored a goal.I could tell that he was their grandson since the facial resemblance was clear.I smiled and then continued taking in the rest of the surroundings.

The next Sunday,I decided to return to the lake.Again,the very same elderly couple was there with the grandson.But this time they were not alone; there was a host of other elderly people with children of different ages.The memories of elderly people collecting kids from a kindergarten near my university then began to flood my mind.My brain began wondering what on earth was going on.Where were the parents of these children? Why were they always with the grandparents?I positioned myself beside a tree as a way of surreptitiously observing.Ten minutes later,everyone except the young boy’s grandmother went to a flatter area to play with balls.“Aha,” I thought,“this is my chance.”I took my customary pen,writing pad,and dictionary from my bag and wrote down my questions in case I could not remember how to ask them independently.

Grandparents of Shereka Kim Felix

Dashing towards her,I politely uttered a greeting,identified myself,and started peppering her with my questions: “Don’t these children have parents? Can’t the parents hire babysitters for such long-term care?Why are you all the ones taking care of them? You’ve already raised your own children.Aren’t you tired?”

The woman flung herself backwards with a burst of youthful laughter and offered me a seat next to her.I thanked her,sat down,and waited eagerly for answers to my questions.She took a refreshingly deep breath then smiled.A surprisingly sturdy hand was lifted into the air as her finger pointed in the direction of the group of children and grandparents.“Do you see how happy the children are with their grandparents?” she asked me.

I nodded while she continued to speak.“We also love our grandchildren.Why should their parents pay money to a stranger when we are here to take care of them? It is our pleasure and our duty.”

After conversing with me for a little while longer she bid me farewell and went to join the group.As she walked away,her last words echoed in my head,“...it is our duty.”

Over the years I have come to see this sense of“duty” displayed in so many instances.In addition to the practical,physical support that they offer,Chinese grandparents give emotional support and foster psychological growth.They don’t just treat the children like adorable young ones.They also treat them like instruments to be shaped and molded in the correct ways.They offer the age-old wisdom and values which the children’s parents are not able to impart.

As the process of teaching and learning continues,the bond which is created between grandparent and grandchild runs deep.I fondly remember a conversation with one 13-year-old boy named Sam.In order to help his spoken English to improve,I would practice with him weekly.One particular day,I noticed that he was a bit sad.I inquired why this was.Fighting back the tears,he explained that it was the anniversary of his grandfather's death.He then went on to explain that his grandfather had been like his second father and that he missed him immensely.The rest of the spoken class was spent listening to Sam gush about all the things his grandpa had taught him.

Sam’s words made me recollect my grandmother and the tremendous amount of gratitude and love I still had for this woman who would take time out of her busy schedule to cook tasty treats for me during my childhood.In that instant,I fully identified with Sam and understood the impact which grandparents can have upon the lives of their grandkids.

Another person I remember is Bo,who still has both his grandparents with him and is greatly attached to them.He often does fun activities with them and helps them around the house.He is often seen doing chores with his grandmother.

While grandparents from most Western countries choose a laid-back approach to grandparenting,Chinese grandparents take on a much more active role.Both grandmothers and grandfathers act as secondary parents to the grandchildren and take a lot of stress away from the parenting tasks of the actual parents.They set a perfect example for the rest of the world to follow.From physical care to emotional comfort,their enduring influence is simply amazing.They are the epitome of love and self-sacrifice.Long life to them all and if there are thrones in heaven,may they be reserved for them!