Honoring Process over Outcomes

One cool,crisp autumn day in September a letter arrived from the Dunn Primary School,where my son was studying in.This honestly left me scratching my head a bit.Why would the school bother to mail letters when they could always ask children to bring them home,thereby saving themselves the trouble and the postage cost?

Valuing Honor

The letter from the principal of the school reads the following:

Dear Parents:

I’m very pleased to let you know that your son Jack has been selected as the “International Citizen” for the month of September in class.The honor is for “Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn.” I want to let you knowthat the school is grateful to you for sending such an outstanding student to us.If Jack continues to perform like this,I am certain that this will not be the last time he receives an award.We are very pleased to share this honor with you.The award ceremony will be held at 2:30 pm on September 29.I hope to see you in attendance.

My husband and I reacted differently to this letter.The way he saw it,given that one award was given out per month,by the end of two years all 24 students in his class would have won an award.

What he was implying was,that the award was nothing special.

But I was impressed,partly by the effort my son has put in to adapt to the new environment,that he must have tried hard on his side to deserve this honor.Even more by the fact that the school took the award so seriously.

Celebrating Each Child’s Uniqueness

The day of the award ceremony saw a total of more than 400 in attendance.All of the teachers and students were there,with kids sitting on the floor,teachers sitting in chairs against the wall on both sides,and parents sitting in chairs in the back rows.

The auditorium was noisy and clamorous until the principal went up and stood in front of the small podium.She raised her hand,the universal sign for silence,and all the children raised their hands along with her.Suddenly,the auditorium fell so silent you could hear a pin drop.The ceremony began.

The principal called out the honorees’ names and read the comments on the back of the certificate,which was written by their teachers.

The comments were funny and engaging,full of commendation and appreciation.After reading the commentary,the certificate was presented to each award recipient and everyone applauded wildly.

Each child received different compliments.For those parents whose children have never won an award before,it was a bit of a new experience to hear comments from other children.

One of the comments was particularly charming:“You always ask why.Why isn’t the sky pink? Why do monkeys like bananas? Why is there such a thing as a honeymoon? I think you ask too many questions.”

The entire auditorium burst into loud guffaws.The parents were laughing so hard that many of them buried their faces in their sleeves.

Being praised on an official public occasion like this must make the award recipient feel very special and proud.

A Special Award

Now came the fourth graders’ turn to accept their awards.A total of six students took the stage.My son showed signs of both joy and nervousness,his expression switching randomly between deadpan seriousness and ear-toear grins.

The principal read out the reasons for the award:

“Jack Yao,you are the honorary recipient of the International Citizenship Award of the month for ‘Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn.’ You are often the first person to raise your hand and ask questions.One of your esteemed classmates has this to say,‘You always ask when you don’t understand.’ Your ability to ask questions and seek knowledge has given you rapid progress in vocabulary learning and English speaking.We are all proud of you.”

My son took the certificate respectfully and walked back to join his fellow students.On his way back I saw someone from another class reached out to give him a high-five.And with that,the ceremony came to a close.

Later,I saw photos of the students accepting their awards from the previous year and earlier in the year on the school bulletin board.In addition to “Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn,” there were awards like “Thinking and Creativity,”“Reflection and Gratitude,”“Adventure,Independence and Open-mindedness,” “Harmony and Communication,” “Balance,Enthusiasm and Confidence,”“Knowledge and Commitment,”“Tolerance,Integrity and Principles,” “Caring,Empathy and Respect.”

Having nothing to do with academic performance,these awards cover the school’s wall of fame and shine it.(FromTwelve Hello Gifts from a Teacher,Jiuzhou Press.Translation:Lu Qiongyao)

九月秋的某一天，有一封信躺在我們信箱，從Dunn 小學(xué)寄來的。我很納悶，既然是學(xué)校要給家長(zhǎng)的，叫孩子帶回即可，何必寄呢？

重視榮譽(yù)

信是校長(zhǎng)寫的，我翻譯她的話——

親愛的YC 和MC：

我很高興通知，你們的孩子Jack 獲選為班上九月份的“國(guó)際公民”，這個(gè)月表彰的是“好學(xué)與求知欲”榮譽(yù)。我想讓你們知道，學(xué)校非常感謝你們把這么優(yōu)秀的學(xué)生送來。如果Jack 繼續(xù)發(fā)展這種特質(zhì)，我確信這不是他最后一次獲獎(jiǎng)。我們很榮幸分享這份驕傲。這個(gè)月的頒獎(jiǎng)典禮將在九月二十九日下午兩點(diǎn)三十分舉行，希望你們能參加。

我與丈夫?qū)@封信的反應(yīng)很不一樣。他說，每個(gè)月表揚(yáng)一名的話，兩年內(nèi)，所有的學(xué)生都得過了。

言下之意，這不是什么大不了的事。

其實(shí)，我蠻感動(dòng)的。感動(dòng)的不只是孩子靠自己的努力適應(yīng)新環(huán)境，至少做得不離譜老師才愿意把榮譽(yù)頒給他，我更在意的是學(xué)校如此慎重。

獨(dú)一無二

頒獎(jiǎng)那天，全校師生皆出席，約四百多人，學(xué)生席地而坐，老師坐兩邊靠墻的椅子，后面數(shù)排椅子給家長(zhǎng)。

原本禮堂內(nèi)鬧哄哄的，等到校長(zhǎng)站到小講臺(tái)前，她舉起手，所有小朋友也跟著舉手，場(chǎng)面立刻安靜。顯然，這是他們的肢體語言。典禮直接開始。

校長(zhǎng)先對(duì)大家說出小朋友的名字，接著念出老師寫的贊辭，即“獲獎(jiǎng)理由”——這段話粘在獎(jiǎng)狀后面。

贊辭充滿稱贊、驚嘆，趣味、生動(dòng)，念完后才把獎(jiǎng)狀給小朋友，大家熱烈鼓掌。

每個(gè)人的贊辭都是獨(dú)一無二的。

從家長(zhǎng)的角度看，分享其他孩子的贊辭是一件很特別的事。

有位小朋友的贊辭是：

“你總是不停地問，為什么這樣，為什么那樣，為什么有蜜月？事實(shí)上，你問得太多了。”

家長(zhǎng)們一陣竊笑。

對(duì)獲獎(jiǎng)的孩子來說，在“很當(dāng)一回事”的公開場(chǎng)合被這樣贊美，心情一定不同。

獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)特別

輪到四年級(jí)，共六位。兒子也上臺(tái)，他很高興也緊張，臉上表情忽然很嚴(yán)肅，忽然又笑得合不攏嘴，賊頭賊腦。

輪到他，校長(zhǎng)念得獎(jiǎng)理由：

“Jack Yao，這個(gè)月的國(guó)際公民獎(jiǎng)‘好學(xué)與求知欲’榮譽(yù)是你應(yīng)得的。你常常是第一個(gè)舉手發(fā)問的人，一位同學(xué)說：‘當(dāng)他遇到不懂的事情，他總是問問題?！诤脝?、求知的長(zhǎng)處，你在詞匯與說英語技巧上進(jìn)步神速，我們以你為傲?！?/p>

兒子恭敬領(lǐng)了獎(jiǎng)狀，走回班級(jí)所在位置。我見到別班有人伸出手與他擊掌，是道恭喜的意思。

一小時(shí)的典禮結(jié)束。

后來，我在學(xué)校布告墻上看到去年和今年上半年的得獎(jiǎng)學(xué)生合影，除了“好學(xué)與求知欲”，另有“思考與創(chuàng)造”“反省與感謝”“冒險(xiǎn)、獨(dú)立與心胸開放”“合群與交流”“平衡、熱心與自信”“知識(shí)與承諾”“寬容、正直與原則”“關(guān)懷、同理心與尊敬”等獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)以表彰學(xué)生。

這些跟學(xué)業(yè)第一名、第二名無關(guān)的獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)，貼滿了那面殊榮墻。

（摘自《老師的十二樣見面禮》九州出版社）