Déjà Vu 似曾相識

周海祺

Neighbors who came across the old colonel lately， often described him as drifting in some dreamy trance. Indeed， having devoted his youth to a life， literally， on bullets and knives， it was not in the colonels nature to settle down.

By the time the old colonels son returned from work， rottenly exhausted， he was the last in the household of four—that is， himself， the colonel， his wife， and his son， Yu—to be in on the discovery of the colonels shifting way， save for the colonel himself.

The summer holiday was coming， and when one day Yu was told of holiday plans to go mountain climbing， he was not quite sure if he had heard right.

“Mountain climbing？” said Yu.

“Yes， mountain climbing，” the father replied.

There was a tone of finality in his fathers voice， a swift determinant of fate that made Yu relinquish all rehearsed tantrums that he would usually throw. The departing train arrived half past eight on a Saturday and the father had deliberately chosen a train over a plane.

“I bought us standing tickets，” the father announced， excited and solemn. “Really， its a good experience. Always nice to have a taste of different things.”

The colonel， though， was rightfully offered a seat in the first-class cabin. Strapped to his belt was a black pistol， an antique like himself. A general had bestowed the pistol to him for exceptional valor in wartime. The colonel received permission to carry it with him at all times， even after the war ended， but it had never once been fired， nor did anyone ever notice， with the gun being small and hidden behind clothing.

The colonel rested his head against the windowpane， its coldness tangible but refreshing， like a temporary antidote to his decelerating mind， which seemed to grow foggier each day.

The family felt， rather saw， the looming presence of Mount Hua. But as the SUV they rented after they got off the train traveled on， the colonels eyelids drooped， eventually succumbing to a dreamy slumber. He was twenty-five， give or take a few years. The rifle in his hands weighed more than it should. He wrapped his fingers around the trigger， the other hand clutching the guns extending front overly tight. Bullets zizzed past his head; shouts exploded from all directions. He wasnt sure which was louder， the nonstop firing or the deafening vibration of his screaming heart. His unit lured the enemy up a steep mountain passage， a holdout which they were determined to defend. His mind was purged of all thoughts， other than the one singular， remaining faith： Hold the enemy back at all cost.

The colonel woke to an indistinct humming of scattered conversations. They had reached an open field at the bottom of the mountain， where visitors parked their cars and proceeded toward the entrance of the scenic trails. Stepping down from the automobile with help from his son， a part of him still lingered in that recurring trance. Ever since he surpassed sixty years of age， nights and naps were whiled away in an unremembering darkness. No dreams had invigorated his sleep for years， save for that scene of battle on a mountain， which was a genuine memory he could recall， a fragment of time from the prime of his life.

What intrigued Yu and his father was the odd outburst of vigor the grandpa had begun to demonstrate. The colonels frail body frame had been emitting a disproportionate amount of energy ever since they entered the mountain trail.

The colonel had noticed a faint surge of familiarity swell up， not long after they began to hike along the trail， and as he trudged on the feeling was only magnified. There！ Half a tree trunk， entirely charred， laid horizontally on the forest ground， obstructing the right side of the walkway. The colonel recalled passing by a burnt tree trunk some forty years ago， one possibly struck by lightning. No longer did he hold more doubts. It was the exact place he fought till the end as a private， the very mountain that haunted him through all the rewinding nights.

With each step the Colonel was recharged with an electrifying confidence.? Fate was leading him back to the graveyard of a battlefield， he was sure of it; it had always been his duty to send his fellow soldiers to an eternally peaceful rest.

A drizzle， a shower， a downpour—rains evolution took no time at all and permitted no time to react. Within seconds the father and Yu were soaked， T-shirts adhering to their skin like swimming suits. The colonel was ahead of them， at the maximum range of sight and sound.

The father shouted to get his attention.

Hearing sounds， but not words， the colonel turned. He saw two figures through the rain， the taller brandishing his gun， the shorter stood to the side， howling taunts. Enemies were cunning， cold-blooded fiends， and they were upon him. Further down the track were more sinister shadows， obscure but advancing amid the shaded mist.

Behind him dwelt the spirits of blood-bonded comrades， bracing for a deathly skirmish. Behind him the sacred land of the republic stretched， demanding from him a final stand. No time to lose now—the colonel， trembling， reached for his pistol， and after taking aim， pulled the trigger， sensing the shot.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?■

最近偶然遇到老上校的鄰居都說他有點兒恍恍惚惚的。事實上，他戎馬一生，本質上就是個安定不下來的人。

老上校跟兒子一家住在一起。這是一個四口之家，除了上校和他兒子，還有兒媳和孫子小于。兒子下班回來已疲憊不堪，是家中最后一個發現上校有些神思恍惚的人，當然上校本人除外。

快放暑假了，有天小于得知假期全家計劃去爬山，他有點兒懷疑自己是否聽錯了。

“爬山？”小于問。

“是的，爬山。”父親回答。

父親說得斬釘截鐵，透著不容商量的勁兒，這讓小于把通常會發的牢騷憋了回去。火車訂的是星期六早上8點半的，父親特意選擇了火車而不是飛機。

“我給咱倆買的是站票。”父親激動而嚴肅地宣布，“相信我，這次經歷會很棒。嘗試不同的東西總是好的。”

不過，給上校買的當然還是一等座的票。上校腰帶上別著一把黑色手槍，那是個和他歲數一般大的古董。戰爭年代，為了表彰上校的英勇表現，一位將軍將這把手槍贈給了他。上校獲準隨時佩帶此槍，甚至戰爭結束后也可以這么做，但這把槍從未開過一次火，也沒人注意過，因為槍很小，被衣服蓋住了。

上校把頭靠在窗玻璃上，玻璃的涼意很真切，卻也很提神，就像一劑暫時的解藥，讓他那越發遲鈍的頭腦清醒過來，他的腦子似乎一天比一天糊涂了。

下火車后，他們租了一輛越野車。行進途中，這家人感覺到，更確切地說是看到了若隱若現的華山。不過，隨著車子繼續行駛，上校的眼皮漸漸耷拉下來，最終他迷迷糊糊地打起盹兒來。他夢到自己25歲上下的時候。手中的步槍感覺超乎尋常地重。他的手指扣在扳機上，另一只手緊緊握著槍身前端。子彈從他頭側呼嘯而過，喊聲從四面八方響起。他耳邊槍聲不斷，他的心臟似乎在震顫中尖叫著，那叫聲震耳欲聾——他不確定哪一種聲音更響。他的隊伍誘使敵人爬上一條陡峭的山道，這是他們要堅守的陣地。他的大腦一片空白，只留下一個信念：不惜一切代價擋住敵人。

上校在一陣嗡嗡的談話聲中醒來，對話支離破碎，聽不清楚。他們已經開到了山腳下的一塊空地，游客一般都把車停在這里，徒步走向風景步道的入口。上校由兒子攙扶下了車，但他并沒有完全清醒，多多少少仍處于那種反復出現的恍惚中。自打他過了60歲，夜里的正覺和白天的小睡就都是在混混沌沌中睡過的，什么也記不得。多年來，除了在山頭上戰斗的那個場面，沒有一個夢能讓他在睡覺時感到自己充滿活力，那是他能回想起的真實記憶，是他人生巔峰時的一個片段。

上校突然表現出驚人的活力，這種不同尋常的爆發激起了小于和他父親的好奇。自從他們踏上山路，上校虛弱的身體就一直在釋放超乎想象的能量。

他們沿著小路走了不久，一種淡淡的熟悉感便涌上了上校的心頭。他在山路上跋涉時，這種感覺愈加強烈。那里！半根完全燒焦的樹干橫在林地里，擋住了右側山路。上校回憶起自己大約40年前也曾從一根燒焦的樹干旁經過，那樹干可能是被閃電擊中過。他不再懷疑什么了，這里正是他作為普通一兵戰斗到最后的地方，這座山也正是無數個夜里在他夢中一次次出現的那座山。

每走一步，上校都激動不已，信心滿滿。他確信，命運正把他帶回戰爭過后那片埋葬著生命的土地;他始終有一份職責，要讓戰友們得到永久的安息。

山雨說來就來，讓人措手不及——先是毛毛雨，然后是陣雨，最后變成了傾盆大雨。父親和小于一下子就濕透了，T恤像泳衣一樣貼在皮膚上。上校遠遠走在前面，他們隱約還能看見他的身影、聽見他的動靜。

父親大聲喊著上校，希望引起他的注意。

上校聽到喊聲回過了身，但他聽不清喊的什么。透過大雨，他看見兩個人影，高個兒揮舞著槍，矮個兒站在一邊大聲罵著什么。敵人都是狡猾、冷血的惡魔，他們正向他逼近。他們身后的小道上有更多邪惡的影子，雖然看不清，但正在朦朧的雨霧中一點點向他靠近。

他身后聚集著血脈相連的戰友們的英魂，準備迎接一場殊死的戰斗。他身后綿延著共和國神圣的領土，要求他做出最后一搏。沒時間了——上校顫抖著，掏槍，瞄準，扣動扳機，后坐力猛然襲來。? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? □