The Restless Old Men from America

By Du Zhequan

My wife and I once traveled to the United States to visit our relatives. We stayed at our daughter’s home. One day, after our daughter and son-in-law went to work, the doorbell rang. My wife and I both felt awkward, because we had formed the habit of not opening the door blindly for a long time. In China, when the doorbell rang, we would look at the smart doorbell display on the wall to find out who was coming and, if need be, asked what they wanted. They would then enter the safety gate of our apartment complex and come upstairs to the doorway of our home, we would observe him or her through the peephole embedded in the door before opening the door. However, our daughter’s home did not have such facilities. We wanted to ask about who it was, but we could not speak English. If we ignored it, that would be rude. Finally, we had no choice but to open the door nervously.

It was a grey-haired old man—holding a small simple object in his hand, he talked to us while making gestures. I had no idea what he was saying, so I pointed at my ears, his mouth, and the object in his hand, and then waved my hands. What I meant was that I did not understand his words, nor did I know what he wanted. Afterwards, imitating the foreigners I see in China, I spread my hands, shrugged my shoulders, shook my head, and said “sorry”—one of the few words I could say. The old man smiled and left.

When my son-in-law came back from work, I told him about the old man. He said, “That man came to sell little trinkets. If you didn’t open the door, that would be impolite. Just open the door. There’s nothing to worry about.” He also told me that retired Americans were restless—they work odd jobs mostly for exercise or fun.

Once, my daughter drove me to the store. On the way, we saw an old man doing cartwheels, front flips, and backflips continuously in a vacant lot. There was a large simple signboard standing tilted nearby which was taller than a person and made of something that looked like cloth.

I asked my daughter what the old man was doing. She told me that some manufacturers hired temporary staff to promote their products here and there. The old man was showing off his skills to attract the attention of passersby.

One Sunday morning, our family was going out, and the doorbell rang. It was a man, about 70 years old, holding a bottle with a strange mouth. My son-in-law invited him to come in. Next to the stairs was a table where the toy trains were put. The old man said something to my son-inlaw, and then squeezed a little of the thick liquid out of the bottle onto a special eraser. He rubbed part of a table leg with the eraser, and that part immediately turned much cleaner and newer than other parts.

I had already put on my shoes and was ready to go. The old man saw that and said a few words. My son-in-law told me that the old man would like to polish my shoes for me. I was of course happy with that. He got down on one knee, which embarrassed me, because he was about my age. I took off my shoes, but my son-inlaw interpreted his words, “He asked you to put them on, so that it will be easier for him to do the work.” A few minutes later, as a result, my leather shoes took on an entirely new look.

The old man got up, squeezed out a little liquid onto his palm, and applied it on his face. My son-in-law explained that he was showing us that this new product was not corrosive and gentle enough to use on your face.

I urged my son-in-law to buy a few bottles so that I could take them back to China both for my own use and as gifts for my friends. But he was afraid that such thing could not be taken onto plane, and related what I said to the old man.

At the end, I bought two bottles. The old man talked for a while, and then left with a grin.

(From Old Friend, Issue 9, 2018. Translation: Chen Jiani)

閑不住的美國老人

文/杜浙泉

我與老伴在美國探親，住女兒家。一天，女兒和女婿都上班了，門鈴一響，我倆很為難，因為在中國早已養成習慣，不能盲目開門，要先透過屋內墻上的智能門鈴顯示屏，看清問明，來人進入單元安全門，上樓到了房門口，再觀察鑲嵌在門上的貓眼加以確認。女兒家沒有這種設施，想問問，語言不通；不予理睬，又沒禮貌，只好忐忑不安地去開門。

來者是一位白發老人，并不進屋，手里拿著個小巧簡單的物件，連說帶比畫。我根本不明白他說什么，于是指指自己的耳朵，再指他的嘴巴，轉而指他手里的東西，復又擺手，意思是說，聽不懂你的話，不知道你要干什么。然后我學著外國人的表達習慣，做了一個攤手、聳肩加晃頭的連貫動作，伴隨一聲僅會說的幾個單詞之一“騷瑞”（對不起）。對方笑笑，走了。

女婿下班后，我說給他聽，他說，這人是來推銷小商品的，不開門，對人家不禮貌，盡管開門，不會有事的。他還說，美國退休老人根本閑不住，出外工作，大都是為了活動身子骨，或者圖個樂。

有一次，女兒驅車帶我上街，途經某處，見一位老人在路邊空場地上連續做側翻和前后空翻的動作，旁邊斜戳著一塊一人多高、材質像是布面的簡易大招牌。

我問女兒，這位老人在干什么？她說，廠商為推銷產品，臨時雇用人到處做宣傳，這位老人以“耍把式”來吸引路人眼球。

一個星期日的早晨，我們全家正要外出，門鈴響了，來者是一位年近古稀的老人，手里拿著個帶異狀嘴兒的瓶子。女婿請他進屋，恰巧樓梯旁有張擺放玩具小火車的桌子，老人跟女婿說了幾句，便往專用的擦子上擠出一點兒半稠的液體，在桌腿局部蹭了幾下，頓時顯出與其他地方不同的干凈本色。

此時，我換上皮鞋，準備出發，老人見狀，說了幾句，女婿告訴我，老人家要給我擦擦鞋。我當然樂意。只見他單腿跪下，我承受不起，因為他的年歲與我相仿，于是，我便脫下鞋來。女婿又翻譯：“他讓你穿上，擦起來得勁兒。”結果兩三分鐘，皮鞋煥然一新。

老人起身，對著手心擠出一點兒液體，抹到臉上。女婿說，他是在讓咱們看，這種新產品沒有腐蝕性，臉上的皮膚都可以接受。

我趕緊讓女婿買上幾瓶，帶回中國，連自己用帶送人。女婿說，這東西恐怕不能上飛機，又把我的意思轉述給老人。

末了，我買了兩瓶，老人又是一通嘰里咕嚕，然后笑嘻嘻地走了。