What It’s Like to Be an Alcoholic

One year, I attended an event. In the end, the organizer ended up holding a celebration party and coerced me into drinking. I was afraid of drinking too much and getting into a state. So, I took my chance, while I was still clearheaded, staggered down the stairs and hailed a taxi. The driver asked me where I was going, I told him to Shangri-La Hotel.

At the hotel, I just couldn’t unlock my hotel room door. The clerk at reception kept telling me that I wasn’t staying at the Shangri-La. I thought that they were all out of their minds. In a huff, I took out my phone,showing them my itinerary, which clearly said:“9th, Shanghai,Shangri-La.”

The hotel reception manager looked, confusedly, at me,“Sir, firstly, today is the 28th.Secondly, your card is for Swiss Hotel. Thirdly, this is Dalian.”

有一年，我參加活動。末了，主辦方開慶功宴，灌我喝酒，我怕喝多了難受，就趁著清醒一個人晃悠悠地下了樓，攔上一輛出租車就走。司機問我去哪兒，我說，香格里拉。

到了酒店，我的房卡卻怎么也打不開門，前臺口口聲聲說我不住香格里拉。我覺得酒店瘋了，憤怒地掏出手機給他們看日程表，上面清清楚楚記著“九號，上海，香格里拉”。

前臺經(jīng)理皺著眉頭看著我：“先生，第一，今天都二十八號了；第二，您的卡是瑞士酒店；第三，這里是大連。”

Once, my friend Gao had drunk too much.Looking at the clock overhanging on the wall, he poked his buddy Xiao and asked,“What time is it? I can’t see clearly.”

Xiao squinted at it for quite some time before he said,“It’s a dang ventilating fan.”

有一次，我朋友高老西兒喝多了，看著墻上的掛鐘，捅了捅肖二爺：“幾點了？我眼睛看不清了。”

肖二爺勞神費力一眼大一眼小地看了半天：“介泥馬排風(fēng)扇。”

When we have a performance the next day, as trainees we’re prohibited from drinking any alcohol the night before. This day,though, we waited till lights out,and had a drink and some food in our dorms. This kind of party was a bit like an underground club,somewhere we could only invite those who were trustworthy to come. Everyone had to swear an oath that even if they were caught,they would never confess. Before we got to partying, we went over all our safety measures both inside and outside of the dorm,just to make sure we weren’t in any danger and nothing would go wrong.

Suddenly, someone was knocking at the door using our secret signal. We opened the door and saw the guy who had just gone to the bathroom, Da Lifang…Behind him was our team captain who had come to take us down.

We were at a loss, why would Da Lifang betray us? Even while we were writing self-critiques this question puzzled us to no end.

Later we found out, when he went to the bathroom,he’d already had a little too much drink. On his way back he accidently knocked on our captain’s door and then began shouting,“I will never defect!”

又有一年到外地演出，學(xué)員隊是禁酒的。這天，我卻以酒菜聚眾，就在我們宿舍，熄燈查鋪之后。這類聚會，很像是某種地下會員俱樂部，來的人必須是可靠的。眾人歃血為盟，即使被捕也打死不能招供。暢飲之前，大家里里外外做了各種防范工作，確保萬無一失。

突然，有人用暗號敲門，我們開門，看見了剛才去廁所的會員大力放……以及他身后抓我們的隊長。

我就納悶了，大力放怎么會叛變？這疑問，即使在作檢查的時候也百思不得其解。

后來我才知道，大力放喝多了，去了廁所后跑去敲隊長的門，大喊：“我是絕對不會叛變的！”