The art of bouncing back

By Joyce Grenfell

I think the center of my faith is an absolute certainty of good.Like everyone else,I get low and there are times when I feel as if I have my fins backwards and am swimming upstream in heavy boots.But even in these dark times,even though I feel cut off,perhaps,and alone,I am aware-even if distantly-that I am part of a whole and that the whole is true and real and good.

I have never had any difficultly in believing in God.I don't believe in a personal God and I don't quite see how it is possible to believe in a God who knows both good and evil and yet to trust in him.I believe in God,Good,in one mind,and I believe we are all subject to and part of this oneness.

It's taken me time to understand words like “tolerance”and “understandind.” I have given lip service to “tolerance”and to “understanding” for years but only now do I think I begin to understand a little what they mean.If we are all one of another,and this,though uncomfortably,is probably the case,then sooner or later we have got to come to terms with each other.I believe in the individuality of man,and it is only by individual experience that we can,any of us，make a contribution to understanding.

I've always been a bit confused about self and egotism because I instinctively felt both were barriers to understanding.And so in a sense they are.

I used to worry a lot about personality and that sort of egotism.I noticed that certain artists-musicians,for instance-would allow their personalities to get between the music and the listener.But others，greater and therefore humbler,became clear channels through which the music was heard unimpeded.And it occurred to me,not very originally,that the good we know in man is from God so it is a good thing to try to keep oneself as clear as possible from the wrong sort of self.And it's not very easy,particularly if you are on the stage!

I am one of those naturally happy people even when they get low soon bounce back.In minor things like housekeeping and keeping in sight of letters to be answered I am a Planny-Annie.That is to say I get through the chores in order to enjoy the space beyond.But I do find that,believing in the operation of good as I do,I cannot make plans-important ones,I mean—but I must prepare the ground and then leave the way free as far as possible.This,of course,means being fearless and isn't fatalistic,because you see I believe that when I am faithful enough to be still and to allow things to happen serenely,they do.And this being still isn't a negative state but an awareness of one's true position.

Friends are the most important things in my life-that and the wonder of being necessary to someone.But these things pass and in end one is alone with God.I'm not nearly ready for that yet,but I do see it with my heart's eye.

I don't understand it entirely,but I believe there is only now and our job is to recognize and rejoice in this now.Now...Not,of course,the man-measured now of Monday,Friday,or whenever,but the now of certain truth.That doesn't change.Surely everything has been done-is done.Our little problem is to reveal and enjoy.

我認(rèn)為，對(duì)人性本善的絕對(duì)信仰便是我信仰的核心。同其他人一樣，我也有遇到挫折、情緒低落的時(shí)候，那感覺(jué)就像是穿著沉重的靴子向上游，卻被腳蹼拖著后腿一樣。然而，就算是在那些黑暗的日子里，即使我有一種被孤立或者孤獨(dú)的感覺(jué)，我依然會(huì)隱隱意識(shí)到自己是真實(shí)、正確且善良的整體的一部分。

我對(duì)上帝的信仰從未改變過(guò)。但我不相信肉身上帝，也難以明白怎么有可能去信仰一個(gè)善惡共存的神。我信仰上帝、善良、還有一神論，我也相信我們皆屬于這個(gè)唯一，是它的一部分。

為了理解“容忍”及“理解”這樣的詞，我花了好些時(shí)間。幾年來(lái)，我一直口頭信奉著“容忍”與“理解”，但我覺(jué)得，直到今天我才開(kāi)始對(duì)他們的含義有了些許的了解。如果我們都能夠成為

對(duì)方，雖然這很難但也許是有可能的，那么遲早我們都能學(xué)會(huì)互相謙讓。我相信每個(gè)人都有自己的個(gè)性，也只有親身經(jīng)歷，我們才會(huì)真正理解別人。

對(duì)于自我及自負(fù)，我總是有些迷惑，因?yàn)槲抑庇X(jué)上認(rèn)為它們都會(huì)妨礙理解。而且從某種意義上來(lái)說(shuō)，的確如此。

我過(guò)去常為個(gè)性以及那種自負(fù)擔(dān)憂不已。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，某些藝術(shù)家，比如音樂(lè)家，總會(huì)讓聽(tīng)眾從音樂(lè)中了解他的個(gè)性。而其他更偉大、也因此更謙遜的音樂(lè)家，則成為了使人們輕松了解音樂(lè)全貌的暢通渠道。我們知道人性的善良來(lái)源上帝，因此最明智的做法就是，努力使自己遠(yuǎn)離自身不道德因素的玷污。我并非第一個(gè)有此想法的人，這實(shí)為難事，尤其是當(dāng)你身在舞臺(tái)上的時(shí)候。

我是一個(gè)生性樂(lè)觀的人，就算情緒低落，也會(huì)很快振作起來(lái)。我總會(huì)按計(jì)劃來(lái)做一些小事，例如操持家務(wù)、查看需回復(fù)的信件。這就是說(shuō)我會(huì)做完這些事以便享受以后的空間。然而我發(fā)現(xiàn)，在對(duì)行善的信仰及實(shí)踐上，我卻無(wú)法做出任何計(jì)劃，我的意思是重要的計(jì)劃，但我必須為之預(yù)留空間，并盡可能保持通道暢通無(wú)阻。這自然就是說(shuō)，要無(wú)所畏懼而不是聽(tīng)天由命。因?yàn)槟忝靼祝蚁嘈女?dāng)我滿懷誠(chéng)意，靜靜等待事情發(fā)生時(shí)，它們便會(huì)發(fā)生。這并不是一種消極的狀態(tài)，而是對(duì)自己真正處境的了解。

在我的生命中，朋友最為重要，為人所需時(shí)的驚奇也同樣重要。但是這一切都會(huì)消逝，最終只會(huì)留下你與上帝單獨(dú)在一起。對(duì)此，我還沒(méi)有做好準(zhǔn)備，但我已在心中看到了那一幕。

這一點(diǎn)我并沒(méi)有徹底明白，但我相信唯有的只是現(xiàn)在，我們必須認(rèn)識(shí)并享受現(xiàn)在。此刻……當(dāng)然不是指人們規(guī)定的所謂的周一、周五或任何時(shí)候，而是確確實(shí)實(shí)的現(xiàn)在。這是不會(huì)改變的。 所有的一切的確都已完成。發(fā)現(xiàn)與享受便是我們需要解決的小問(wèn)題。