The Visa Denial Blues

By Luo Bupo （羅布泊） Translation by Chase Coulson

說到出國簽證，難保不會遇上幾個奇葩面試官，不給你過簽證的理由，簡直是五花八門。

Getting papers to a foreign country is a thing of beauty but having a run-in with that eccentric visa interviewer is a thing of unholy terror, as there are literally a smorgasbord of reasons why this, sometimes cantankerous individual, might deny your visa application.

留學生：“您好，我的護照。”

簽證官：“你的護照號后三位是911？”

“對呀。”

“我討厭911。”

所以，被拒簽了。

Exchange Student: “Hello,here is my passport.”

Visa Officer: “Are the last three digits of your passport 911?”

Exchange Student: “Yes, Sir.”

Visa Of ficer: “911 brings back bad memories! DENIED!”

一個朋友要去法國讀研，想先讀半年預科，被拒簽了，拒簽的理由是，朋友現(xiàn)有水平可以直接讀研，不需要讀預科。

A friend was going to attend graduate school in France but had to attend a half-year preparatory course first. When his visa was denied the reason was that he had such a high level of achievement that there was no reason to attend the preparatory course.

杭州一名從事教育行業(yè)的女性，29歲，打算去美國生小孩。大使館簽證官問她去美國干嗎，她說：“旅游，順便去生小孩。”結(jié)果被拒簽。

拒簽的理由是：她挺著大肚子去旅游太危險了。

A 2 9-y e a r-o l d f e m a l e from Hangzhou working in the education field was preparing to go to America to have a baby. The visa officer asked her what she was going to do in the country and she replied, “I’m going there for travel, and since I’ll already be there, I might as well have a baby.” Ultimately, she was denied the visa.

T h e r e a s o n g i v e n f o r the denial was that, with her bulging stomach, it would be too dangerous to travel.

上海一位媽媽，31歲，外企白領(lǐng)，懷著二胎去辦簽證時帶著大寶貝。孩子在領(lǐng)事館里跑來跑去，很吵。她直接被拒簽，就因為熊孩子瞎跑。

A thirty-one-year-old whitecollar worker from Shanghai who was pregnant with her second baby took her first child along with her to the visa office.While at the embassy, the child kept running around wildly and making a lot of noise, so her visa was denied. The reason given was that her child was too noisy running around like a brat.

33歲的羅恩來自英國，她和丈夫打算申請新西蘭移民身份，但是被拒絕，理由竟是他們太胖。羅恩的體重達到131公斤，移民局準許她減重成功后繼續(xù)申請。

Thirty-three-year-old Rowen from England went with her husband to get a New Zealand immigrant ID card but was denied. As it turned out, the reason for the denial was due to her rotundity. Rowen weighed 131 kilograms, and the immigration bureau only allowed her to reapply after getting all the excess blubber off.

朋友打算去美國玩，大使館簽證官問他去干嗎。他笑而不語，做了一個推籌碼的動作，大喊一聲“賭一把”，結(jié)果被拒簽了。理由是怕他輸光了回不來，贏太多了不想回來。

A friend was planning to go on a pleasure trip to America. At the embassy he was asked what he was planning to do in the country. He laughed but didn’t say anything, instead he made a motion like he was piling up gambling chips and shouted in a loud voice, “Let’s make a bet!” As it turns out his visa was denied.The reason was that they were afraid he would overstay his visa,because, let’s face it, if he lost everything gambling, he wouldn’t be able to come back, and if he made a mint, he would never want to return home.

有個中年婦女去辦簽證，被拒。她離開時嘟囔了一句：“美國有什么好的，我還不想去呢。”

面試官聞聽此言，立即叫住她：“你不知道美國有多好是嗎？那我就讓你去知道。”說著就蓋上了章……

A middle-aged woman went to get a visa but was denied. As she was leaving the visa of fice she was overcome by a case of sour grapes, “What’s so special about America? I would never want to go to a horrible country like that!”

The interviewing officer heard her mumbling and grumbling and shouted at her to stop, “You don’t know how great a country America is? Well you’re about to find out,” he said reproachfully as he stamped“approved” on her application form.

想和朋友去日本，簽證官問：“去日本最想干什么？”

我回答：“去看櫻花，再去北海道玩玩。”

沒想到簽證官說：“看櫻花去中國臺灣阿里山就可以了，北海道和中國海南差不多。”

接著“啪”地一下，蓋上拒簽章。

I was getting ready to go to Japan with a friend, the visa of ficer asked why I wanted to go to Japan.

“I want to see the sakuras and then have some fun in Hokkaido,”I replied.

I could never in my wildest dreams have predicted what the officer would say next, “If you want to see the sakuras, just go to Mount Alishan in Taiwan, and Hakkaido is about the same as Hainan in China.”

Just at that moment the“thwap” of a denied stamp echoed in my ears.