Slow Brain, Quick Tongue

By Qing Si

Qian Zhongshu once argued persuasively about proper speech by saying that some people tend to compete for the floor in conversation just to showcase themselves. Reading these words,a few ideas immediately come to my mind.

Ancient people listed Proper Speech as one of the Four Subjects in Confucius' teaching—bearing the same importance as Morality,Government, and the Refined Arts. Many people have gotten overlooked for being slow in the brain but quick in the tongue.

During the Qing Dynasty(1636-1912), after warships were built by a military factory in Fujian, a governor would be invited to conduct the final inspections. The local government would then deliberately send an articulate official to accompany the governor, serving as a narrator—but ‘articulate' and‘smart' don't always go together.

The governor came to the hatch where fresh water was stored and jokingly said: “The well is so deep that I'm afraid a kid might drown if he falls into it.”

The escorting official butted in: “Even if a respectable adult like yourself falls into it, you will drown as well.”

Suddenly, the governor's smiling face wasn't so smiley.

(From China Newsweek, May 2016. Translation: Zhang Xueqin)

嘴巴比腦子快

文/青絲

錢鍾書曾妙論過說話的藝術，說有些人為展示自己，喜歡搶別人話頭。看到這段話時，我自動“腦補”了一段場景：

古人把說話的藝術列為“圣門四科”之一，與“德行、政事、文學”并列。有太多人吃過嘴巴比腦子快的虧。

清代福建的軍工廠造戰船，完工后須請總督來驗收。地方特意安排一個行事機靈、口齒伶俐的官員陪同，為總督做解說員。

總督走到貯存淡水的船艙口，笑著說：“井口這么深，萬一小孩子跌下去，恐怕會被淹死。”

陪同官員搶答道：“即使大人跌下去，也會被淹死。”

本來笑容可掬的總督，頓時一臉黑線。

（摘自《中國新聞周刊》2016年第5期）