致我不那么完美的媽媽

DearMom，

Ive seen you screaming at your kids in public. Ive seen you ignoring them at the playground. Ive seen you unshowered and wearing lastnightspajamapantsatpreschooldrop！off.

Ive seen you running around with your kids， getting dirty and occasionally swearing when you bangedaknee.

Ive seen you wiping your kidsboogers with your bare palm， and then smearing them on the backofyourjeans.

Ive also seen you gritting your teeth while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano，orsoccerorwhateveritwas.

Ive seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly afterfindingagallonofmilkdumpedintoyourtrunk.

Ive seen you crying into the sink while you desperatelyscrubcrayonoffyourbestdesignerpurse.

Iveseenalotofyou，actually.

I dontknow ifyou planned tobe a parent or not. I dontknowifitmeetsyourexpectations.

I know that when you look at your child or your children， you see yourself. And I know that you dont， that you see a stranger who cant understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you areabothertothissmallpersonwhoresemblesyou.

I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenagers head sometimes. I know you want to toss yourchildoutthewindowonceinawhile.

I know that some nights， once its finally quiet， you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes， you dont，eventhoughyouwantedto.

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end， and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you， and you wish the daycouldlastforever.

But it never does. The day always ends， and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers， heartbreak， new friends， new pets， new fights， and every day you do whatyouneedtodo.

You take care of things， because thats your job. You go to work， or you climb into the garden， or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.

I know you didnt expect most of this. I know you didnt anticipate loving somebody so intensely， or loathing your post！baby body so much， or being so tired orbeingthemomyouveturnedouttobe.

Youre not a perfect mom， no matter how you try， nomatterwhatyoudo.

You will never be a perfect mom. And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe youve made peace with it. Or maybeitwasneveraproblemtobeginwith.

No matter how much you do， there is always more. No matter how little you do， when the day is over， your children are still loved. They still smile at you， believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything.

No matter what happened at work， or at school， or in playgroup， you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morningwilldawnandyour children will be as happy， healthy， andwiseascouldpossiblybehoped.

Unfortunately， there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they wont make their kids take piano lessons， or theyll be more lenient，ormorestrict.

No matter how far from perfect you are， you are betterthanyouthink.

No matter how many doubts you might have， you never need doubt this one thing： you are not perfect. And thats good. Because really， neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can， with the wealth of your understanding and your experience.

And since no mother is perfect， chances are that you are caught in a two billion way tie for Best Mom in the World. Congratulations， Best Mom in the World. Yourenotperfect.Youareasgoodasanybodycanget. Withlove， Lea

親愛的媽媽：

我見過你當眾對孩子們大喊大叫，見過你在操場上對他們置之不理，見過你沒有洗漱、穿著昨晚的睡衣和睡褲出現在幼兒園的校車停靠處。

我見過你追著孩子們到處跑，渾身弄得臟兮兮，而且當你撞到膝蓋的時候偶爾還會罵上幾句。

我見過你直接用手擦掉孩子們的鼻屎，然后把它們抹到自己的牛仔褲后面。

我還見過孩子因為你逼著他練鋼琴、足球或者無論什么東西而沖你尖叫的時候，你會咬牙切齒。

我見過你發現車的后備廂里倒入將近四升牛奶的時候，會閉上眼睛深呼吸。

我見過你絕望地想要擦去你最好的名牌錢包上的蠟筆印的時候，會在水槽邊哭泣。

事實上，我見過你很多樣子。

我不知道你此前是否做好了為人母的準備。我不知道現在這些是否符合你的預期。

我知道，當你看著孩子時，你看到了自己。我知道你又看不到自己，你看到了一個陌生人，他不理解為什么那些對你來說非常重要的童年的小細節，對這個非常像你的小人兒來說卻是一個麻煩。

我知道你有些時候想朝你那已經十幾歲的孩子頭上扔臺燈。我知道你有些時候也想把你的孩子扔到窗戶外面去。

我知道有些夜晚，一旦一切終于安靜下來，你會蜷縮在床上哭泣。我也知道有的時候，你不會那么做，即使你曾想那么做。

我知道有些日子是那么艱難，以至于你只想結束一切。然而等到了上床睡覺的時間，你的孩子們擁抱你，親吻你，并且告訴你他們有多愛你而且想變得和你一樣時，你又希望這一天可以持續到永遠。

但是，它從未持續到永遠。這一天總會結束，新的一天又帶來新的挑戰。發燒、悲傷、新的朋友、新的寵物、新的爭吵，每一天你都在做你必須做的事。

你打理一切，因為那是你的工作。你去上班，或是翻進花園，或者把寶寶綁在背上，然后拽出真空吸塵器干活。

我知道這些事你大多都沒有預料到。我知道你沒有預料到會如此強烈地愛某個人，或者如此強烈地厭惡你產后的身體，或者預料到會這么累，或者最終會成為現在這樣的母親。

你不是一個完美的母親。無論你如何努力，無論你做什么，都是如此。

你永遠都不會成為一個完美的母親，或許這使你困擾，或許你平靜地接受了它，又或許它從未成為一個問題。

就算你做再多，也永遠有更多的事情等著你。無論你做再少，當一天結束時，你的孩子們依舊被人深愛。他們依舊向你微笑，相信你擁有擺平幾乎一切的魔法。

無論在工作中，在學校里，在早教游戲課上發生了什么，你依舊拼盡全力，確保下個黎明來臨時，你的孩子們會像你希望的那樣快樂、健康、聰明。

不幸的是，世上沒有完美的父母。你的孩子們將會長大成人，一心想要變得和你不一樣。他們會長大而且絕對不會強迫他們的孩子上鋼琴課，或者他們將會更寬容，又或者更嚴格。

無論你離完美有多遠，你都比你想象的要好。

無論你可能會有多少疑惑，你永遠不需要懷疑這件事：你并不完美。這很好，因為實際上，你的孩子也不完美。這意味著沒有人可以像你那樣照顧他們，像你那樣有如此多的寬容和經驗。

既然沒有一位媽媽是完美的，那你就可以在“世上最好的媽媽”大賽中和所有的媽媽打成平局。祝賀你，“世上最好的媽媽”。你并不完美，你和任何人能做到的一樣好。

愛你的莉亞