從一篇作文透析人物類話題的寫作技巧

to follow

Just as an old Chinese proverb goes， "Aspire to inspire until I expire！01"

Nelson Mandela， a great hero and giant of a man， tells us by using

his own experience that fortitude in the face of adversity and perseverance on your dream are the golden rules to the success02. To put it another

way around， it is impossible that Nelson Mandela can fulfill his dream to change the world without the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges03.

Nelson Mandela was born in Transkei， South Africa， on July 18， 1918. His father was Chief Henry Mandela of the Tembu Tribe. Mandela himself was educated at the University College of Fort Hare and the University of Witwatersrand and was awarded a law degree in 1942. He then joined the African National Congress in 1944 and was engaged in resistance against the ruling National Party's apartheid policies after 1948.

Mandela was elected the country's president04 in 1994. He served until 1999. Mandela's autobiography， Long Walk to Freedom， was published in 1994. In his life time， he won nearly 100 awards. In 1993， he was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize， which was to commend05 his contribution to end racial discrimination.

On June 12， 1964， Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment. From 1964 to 1982， he was incarcerated at Robben Island prison， off Cape Town. Thereafter， he was at Pollsmoor prison， which is on the mainland. During his years in prison， Nelson Mandela's reputation grew steadily. He was widely accepted as the most significant black leader in South Africa and became a potent symbol of resistance the anti-apartheid movement06. He consistently refused to compromise his political position to obtain his freedom.07

Nelson Mandela was released on February 18， 1990. After his release， he plunged himself wholeheartedly into08 his lifetime work， striving to attain the goals he and other like-minded people had set out almost four decades earlier. He once said， "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison.09"

In my opinion， it was optimism and courage， as well as the fortitude in the face of unexpected setbacks that were the significant qualities of this great man's road to success10.

提到人物類話題作文，同學們應該并不陌生。若是此時讓大家就“對某個具體人物的看法”暢所欲言，相信很多同學腦海里最先冒出來的是一些“高大上”的形容詞，或是一些結論性的點評語句，而這些對于寫好人物類話題作文還遠遠不夠。事實上，寫好人物類話題作文關鍵在于兩點：一是如何形象而又深刻地將這些形容詞和句子傳達給讀者，二是怎樣讓人物躍然紙上。而關于這兩方面，相信大家在讀過南京中華中學高三13班陳彥清同學的這篇作文之后會找到一些靈感。

dreams

The Secret of Success

through

01 本文在開篇引用諺語Aspire to inspire until I expire （生命不息，奮斗不止），將文章的主題和文中人物的精神思想以非常精煉的形式傳達給了讀者，寫作手法十分巧妙。

02 此處的success應為泛指，無需添加定冠詞the。

03 本句表達不夠地道，建議修改為：To put it another way， it would have been impossible for Nelson Mandela to fulfill his dream of changing the world without having the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges.

04 本句位于段首，建議將句中的the country's president改為president of South Africa，這樣不僅能讓意思傳達得更加清晰、準確，而且也能使句子更地道。

05 這個定語從句用在此處非但沒有為文章增色，反而使句子有點冗長、累贅。“為了表揚……”完全可以用短語in commendation for來表達，這樣句子既簡潔又地道。修改后句子變?yōu)椋篽e was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize in commendation for his contribution ...

總評

在本文中，作者以優(yōu)美而又不失嚴謹?shù)墓P觸為我們勾畫出了曼德拉總統(tǒng)樂觀、勇敢、堅毅的形象。同時，通過精煉的敘事方式，作者以有限的篇幅向讀者盡量完整地講述了曼德拉總統(tǒng)偉大的、無私奉獻的一生中的諸多重大事件。更加難能可貴的是，作者在對人物、事件進行客觀描述的同時，也兼顧了自己的獨立思考和總結。讀畢，不論是從文章的整體布局，還是具體詞句的使用，我們都不難看出作者扎實、深厚的英文功底和良好的駕馭文字的能力。從整體上看，除個別語句在語法上存在瑕疵，本文實屬一篇佳作。

教師簡介：

陶凱，北京新東方學校優(yōu)能中學優(yōu)秀教師，主講中考英語，教學經(jīng)驗豐富，曾在北京、山東、河北、遼寧等省市做講座，面授學員達萬余人；曾獲“北京新東方學校2013 財年優(yōu)秀教師”稱號。

技巧小結

1

適當使用諺語和名人語錄，如文章倒數(shù)第二段引用的曼德拉總統(tǒng)的名言：As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison. 既是文章情節(jié)的自然發(fā)展，又能從側面凝練概括地描繪出人物的性格特征，比直接對人物進行描述更有說服力。

2

描寫人物時要多用能夠體現(xiàn)出人物性格特征的詞匯，如optimism、courage、fortitude等，讓人物形象更生動。

3

適當使用高級句型，如點評10中的強調句，來豐富表達，為文章增加亮點。

4

透過核心事件刻畫人物的重要性格特征，避免機械地堆砌大量形容詞或一些結論性的點評語句。

06 本句存在一個語法上的小瑕疵，曼德拉總統(tǒng)應該是“在”反種族隔離運動中成為一個強有力的抵抗代表，因此需在the anti-apartheid movement前添加介詞in。

07 本句不論在內容上還是在形式上都使用得非常精彩。作者通過consistently、refuse to compromise等將曼德拉總統(tǒng)不屈不撓的斗爭精神和大公無私的奉獻精神表達得淋漓盡致。

08 動詞短語plunge ... into意為“突然投入到……中”，此處使用不當，建議使用短語devote ... to。

09 此處引用曼德拉總統(tǒng)的經(jīng)典語錄，將人物樂觀、寬容、勇敢和堅定的形象更加直觀地呈現(xiàn)到讀者眼前，讓讀者真切地感受到曼德拉總統(tǒng)的人格魅力。與此同時，本句也為最后一段作者進行總結和概括全文做了鋪墊。

10 這是一個it was ... that ...結構的強調句，作者使用得非常好，不僅在文章結尾處突出了重點，還使文章句式看起來豐富多樣，可謂一箭雙雕。