致遠方的你

By+Marisa+Donnelly+譯/李忱

Theres a picture of us sitting on my dresser. Youre laughing， your head thrown back， hair flying wild in the wind. Im standing next to you， my arm slung across your shoulder， smiling at the camera， an oversized pair of sunglasses hiding my entire face. In that picture， everything was easy. We didnt have dreams pulling us in different directions. We didnt have love telling us to stay， to go. We were rooted to the same town， the same school. We didnt yet understand the luxury of lazy summer afternoons eating snacks and watching the sunset， our legs kicked up in lawn chairs. We didnt know how hard it could be to be so far apart.

I havent told you this， but every time I look at that photo， my chest aches.

I miss how it used to be—when I could just walk across the living room and be at your bedroom door， when I could run across the street and sit on your porch， when you could pick me up across town to grab coffee， or we could easily meet up and spend all night walking around the mall， talking about boys.

I miss the nights wed stay up way too late telling secrets， eating ice cream straight from the carton1）， watching some stupid Netflix2） show but talking through every good part and having to rewind it back.

Sometimes it feels like youre half a world away from me.

And honestly， Id do anything to have you here， right now， laughing at my stupid jokes， showing you the text messages from my crush， sipping beers on my front patio3）， watching the seagulls dance across the sunny sky.

There are miles between us. Airplane rides. Road trips. Hours on a bus. Gas and tickets and wheels on a highway keeping you from easily walking through my front door. There are commitments and schedules. There are work trips and family vacations and day-to-day obligations that remind us our lives are rooted in different places now.

And sometimes it breaks my heart that when you call me crying， I can only reassure you through the phone. That when I need your shoulder， all I can have is a voicemail. That when what we really need is a big best friend hug， well have to settle for4） handwritten cards and long text messages that almost do the job.

I hate that we dont live within walking distance， that we cant so easily fall into one anothers arms. I hate that we live in different places and have to settle for a more distant kind of love.

I hate that I cant see you every day， but no matter the miles and days and hours that separate us， you are never far from me.endprint

You are on my mind when I take my first bite of pizza and think of how we used to get a large and shamelessly eat every bite. Youre on my mind when I run down the path by my house and remember how we used to be workout partners， sharing stories between each set. Youre on my mind when Im drunk and wish you were sitting next to me， belting out5） “Sweet Caroline” at the top of our lungs6） and laughing at the bubbly feeling in our chests. Youre on my mind when it thunderstorms， and I wish you were cuddling next to me like you used to， comforting me until I fell asleep.

Youre on my mind more than you know， and every time I think of you， Im reminded how lucky I am. And how wonderful it is to have someone who， no matter the distance， no matter the time apart， no matter how far we are physically from one another， will never stop being my best friend.

I love you. And that means more than the miles between us. That means more than the months that have passed between the last time we hugged， or laughed， or cried in one anothers arms. That means more than how far or how long.

Because friendship is not dependent upon distance.

And even if I dont see you every day， I promise that wont change a thing.

我的梳妝臺上擺放著一張我倆的照片。照片中的你笑著，仰著臉，頭發被風吹得凌亂。我站在你旁邊，胳膊搭著你的肩膀，沖鏡頭微笑，整張臉都藏在一副超大號太陽鏡的后面。那張照片中，一切都那么輕松。那時，我們沒有讓彼此分道揚鑣的夢想，也沒有告訴我們去留的愛人。我們扎根于同一個小鎮，同一所學校。我們那時還不知道，在慵懶的夏日午后，蹺著腿坐在草坪躺椅上，吃著零食，看著日落，是一件多么奢侈的事情。我們那時也不知道，相隔甚遠的日子竟會如此艱難。

雖然我沒有告訴過你，但每次看到那張照片，我都會覺得心痛。

我想念過去：那時，我走過客廳就能到你臥室門前，跑過大街就能坐在你家門廊上；那時，你會接上我，穿過小鎮去喝杯咖啡；或者，我們很容易就可以見面，一整晚沿著商業街散步，聊男生的八卦。

我想念那些不眠之夜，我們說著彼此的秘密，抱著盒子吃冰淇淋，看Netflix上無聊的視頻，可是每到精彩的部分我們都在聊天，于是不得不倒回去再看一遍。

我有時覺得，你好像在世界的另一頭。

讓我干什么都可以，真的，只要現在你能出現在我面前，嘲笑我講的無聊笑話，看我熱戀的對象發來的短信，一起在我家的前院里小口抿著啤酒，看海鷗在晴朗的天空中飛舞。

我們之間相隔萬里，需要乘飛機、汽車或數小時的巴士才能相見。汽油、機票以及在公路上疾馳——這些使你無法再輕易來到我家的前門。我們都身擔職責，都有行程計劃。出差、家庭假期和日常義務都讓我們想起如今我們的生活扎根在不同的地方。

有時，你哭著打電話給我，我卻只能在電話里安慰你；有時，我需要你的肩膀，卻只能收到語音留言；有時，我們真正需要的是密友間一個大大的擁抱，卻不得不勉強接受用手寫卡片和長長的短信來代替擁抱。每每此時，我都會感到心碎。

我討厭我們不能住在步行就能見到彼此的地方，討厭我們不能隨時投入對方的懷抱。我討厭我們異地而居，只能把愛寄托得更加遙遠。

我討厭不能日日與你相見。但無論距離與時間將你我分隔多遠，在我心中，你從未遠離。

我吃第一口比薩時想著的是你，想到我們曾對著一張大比薩毫不害羞地你一口、我一口，大快朵頤；我沿屋旁小路跑步時想著的是你，想到我們曾是鍛煉搭檔，每逢中間休息都會一起分享故事；我喝醉時想著的是你，希望你就坐在我身邊，我們一起聲嘶力竭地唱著歌曲《甜心卡洛琳》，笑我們心中的興奮勁兒；雷聲大作時我想的也是你，希望你還能如過去那樣依偎在我身旁，安慰我入睡。

我想你的次數比你知道的多。每次想到你，我都覺得自己如此幸運。能有這樣一個人，無論距離遠近，無論時間分隔，無論彼此相距多遠，都始終是我最要好的朋友——這真是件無比美好的事。

我愛你。這份愛超越我們之間的距離，超越我們距上次擁抱、歡笑、在對方懷中流淚間隔的數月時間，超越了時空的界限。

因為友誼并不會受距離所限。

即使你我不能日日相見，我也保證一切依舊如昨，未曾改變。

1.carton [?kɑ?（r）t（?）n] n. （裝盛食物等出售的）紙盒

2.Netflix：指美國Netflix網站，主要提供互聯網隨選流媒體播放服務。

3.patio [?p?ti??] n. （花園中靠近住房鋪有水泥地面的）庭院

4.settle for：勉強接受

5.belt out：起勁地說

6.at the top of ones lungs：用盡量大的聲音endprint