On Being a Dad原來這就是爸爸的心情

Being a dad is messy1） ... not just the many spills and broken dishes and dirty kitchens and finger-painted walls you have to clean up， but messy because nothing ever goes as planned.

It&apos；s messy because you start out with the best of intentions， hoping to be super dad and loving and perfect， and then it all goes to hell.

Things get said， tempers flare2）， feelings get hurt， you get mad at each other. Kids never turn out as planned， and neither does your life. You hope for one thing， and get a wonderful mess in return.

Being a father is about uncertainty. You create a kid， and you are flooded with uncertainty， because you don&apos；t know how to do any of this. You don&apos；t know how your kids will turn out， and you don&apos；t know what the hell you&apos；re doing. All of a sudden， you&apos；re up to bat3）， and the pressure is on you， not just to provide， not just to keep a fragile human being alive， but to be their role model， to shape them， to make them happy. And none of it comes with a manual4）.

They have problems， like a kid teased them at school， or bullied them， they&apos；re struggling with motivation or boredom or fitting in ... and you don&apos；t know how to deal with any of it. You try your best， but in the end you don&apos；t know. It&apos；s filled with uncertainty.

This uncertainty can be terrifying. You&apos；re not just playing a video game here， these are real lives you&apos；ve been given to steward5）. Your heart is flooded with the fear of uncertainty， and you don&apos；t admit to yourself that you&apos；re scared.

So how do you make it through this uncertainty？ The dad way is to try to find certainty： come up with a solution， fix things， create a system， teach them a method， create lists， be on top of6） it. This is all an illusion， because even after your systems and methods， you still don&apos；t know crap. It&apos；s still uncertain.

The only way through uncertainty is love.

Being a dad is about uncertainty， but it&apos；s also about love. You are scared witless， and yet you make it through all of this because you love them endlessly， you are undone by your love for them.

You do whatever you can for them， despite the fears， amidst the uncertainty， because you love them.

You aren&apos；t alone， of course. You are joined in this uncertain journey by their loving mother， who are amazing and who bears the brunt7） of the burdens and messiness and uncertainty. You have their loving grandparents， their aunts and uncles， everyone around you helping these kids through life， helping you deal with the uncertainty. The love of all these wonderful people helps you through.

In the end， they grow up and become adults， and then the uncertainty only increases. You don&apos；t know how they&apos；ll deal with life， but you know they&apos；ll be amazing， because they too have learned to live amidst the uncertainty anchored8） in the unending groundlessness by their love.

做爸爸常常手忙腳亂……不僅僅是因為有灑了的飯菜、打碎的盤子、臟亂的廚房和滿是手印的墻面等著你收拾，還因為事情永遠不會按照計劃進行。

手忙腳亂是因為起初你抱著最好的打算，希望成為超級老爸，慈愛而又完美，可接著這一切就都見鬼去了。

口不擇言，怒火爆發，情感受傷，彼此生氣。孩子們從不按計劃來，你的生活也是如此。你希望事情會這樣來，得到的結果卻一團糟。

做爸爸充滿了不確定性。有了孩子，你就會淹沒在不確定的洪流中，因為你對所有這些事一竅不通。你不知道你的孩子會變成什么樣，也不知道自己到底在搞什么。突然之間，你就上場了，壓力就來了。你不僅僅要養活他們，也不僅僅要讓這脆弱的小生命活下去，你還要成為他們的榜樣，塑造他們，讓他們快樂。而且所有這些都沒有配說明書。

孩子們會遇到各種問題，比如在學校被別的孩子嘲笑或欺負，或者因為失去動力、感到厭倦或難以融入而掙扎痛苦……對于這一切，你完全手足無措。你盡己所能，可歸根結底還是不知該怎么辦。一切都是那么的不確定。

這種不確定可能會很可怕。這時候你可不是在打電子游戲，你要照管的可是活生生的人。你心里充斥著對這種不確定的恐懼，但你卻不承認自己害怕了。

那你要如何應對這種不確定呢？爸爸們的方式是設法尋求確定：提出對策，解決問題，創建體系，傳授方法，列出清單，然后盡在掌控。但這一切全都只是妄想罷了，因為即使有了各式各樣的體系和方法，你依然一頭霧水，事情還是那么不確定。

唯一應對不確定的方法是愛。

做爸爸充滿了不確定性，卻同樣充滿了愛。你總是提心吊膽，不過，你卻又從這一切中挺了過來，因為你對他們的愛永無止境，你對兒女的愛已經勝過了一切。

縱然害怕迷茫，你依然為他們傾盡所能，因為你愛他們。

當然，你并不是孤軍奮戰。在這場未知的旅程中，他們親愛的媽媽會和你同行，她能干無比，在勞累、混亂和不確定面前首當其沖。你還有他們慈愛的爺爺奶奶、叔叔阿姨，你身邊的每個人都會幫助孩子們渡過生活的困境，幫助你應對那種不確定。所有這些好人的愛助你乘風破浪。

終于，他們長大成人了，那時候的不確定性只會變得更多。你不知道他們將如何與生活周旋，但你清楚他們會令你驚嘆，因為他們也學會了如何用愛在扎根于無邊飄搖的未知中生活。