Do not Whisper in the Presence of Others

Text by Liu Yida 劉一達

Translation by Zhu Yaguang 朱亞光

Do not Whisper in the Presence of Others

當人面別咬耳朵

Text by Liu Yida 劉一達

Translation by Zhu Yaguang 朱亞光

Whispering amidst the older generation of Beijing natives is called “Yao Er-duo (咬耳朵),” (Beijing dialect, literally meaning “nibbling one’s ear”), or“Xiao Di Gu (小嘀咕).”

In order to exchange confidential information, people often speak softly into other’s ear, and sometimes they’ll also cover their mouth to keep the conversation entirely private.

When there are only two people chatting, whispering is acceptable, which, in a sense, is even a refined way of communication. However, when there are more than two persons joining in a conversation, whispering may be offensive.

According to the convention in Beijing, mouth-to-ear talking or muttering is definitely not allowed in front of the elders or“outsiders”—such as guests or the public. In other words, you can never whisper in front of others.

Why did Beijingers make such a rule?

First of all, talking mouth-to-ear in public is offensive to the eye. Known to be straightforward and sincere, Beijingers always speak and behave in an open and frank way; therefore, talking mouth-to-ear in front of others seems rather impolite.In Beijingers’ mind, only disgraceful things are meant to be discussed in private, and thus it is regarded as an indecent behavior to whisper in public.

Second, whispering can arouse suspicion and misunderstandings. For example, when someone is talking in public, whispering may cause suspicion—someone may wonder “Is this person dissatisfied with me?”or “Didisay anything wrong?” or “Haveiever offended this person?”or “Is the guy speaking evil of me?” Furthermore, if you look at a person right after whispering to others, it is even more likely to arouse such suspicion in them.

Third, talking mouth-to-ear in public is disrespectful to others. When attending a public gathering, you should carry yourself with ease and confidence, and pay attention to the theme of the activity. If you are the only one who whispers in private while other people are chatting openly about the activity, don’t you think it’s impolite?

Certainly, the reason why Beijingers have such a convention has much to do with the fact that Beijing was the imperial city in ancient times. In the imperial court, talking mouth-to-ear was strictly prohibited. Just imagine, what if civil and military officials talked mouth-to-ear with each other in the face of the emperor? They would probably lose their life for offending His Majesty. Officials couldn’t even talk mouth-to-ear when their peers were around them. Hence, the convention gradually penetrated into the civil society.

(FromBeijing Document, January 2017.)

老北京人把耳語，也就是交頭接耳，叫“咬耳朵”，或者說是“小嘀咕”。

耳語，就是怕別人聽見，對著對方的耳朵小聲說話，有時怕聲兒傳出去，還要用手擋著嘴。

如果就是兩個人，說話用耳語，倒也沒什么。從某種意義上說，這還是文雅之舉。如果是兩個以上的人在場，您說話時用耳語，那就犯忌了。

按北京的老規矩，在長輩面前，或者在外人面前，絕對不許“咬耳朵”，犯“小嘀咕”。所謂“外人面前”，一般是指在客人面前，或是在大庭廣眾之下。換句話說，就是在眾人面前不能耳語。

北京人為什么要立這規矩呢？

一是在大庭廣眾“咬耳朵”，竊竊私語，形象不雅。北京人比較直爽、率真。說話辦事，講究落落大方，坦坦蕩蕩，開誠布公。當著眾人的面兒，你“咬耳朵”，顯得行為猥瑣。在北京人看來，只有見不得人的事，才怕別人聽見，當眾“咬耳朵”被視為小人之舉。

二是容易讓人起疑，產生誤會。在公眾場合，尤其是在別人說話的時候，你“咬耳朵”，會讓人心里猜疑：是不是對我有什么想法？我哪句話說錯了？我怎么得罪他了？他是不是在說我的壞話？假如你跟別人“咬耳朵”的時候，眼睛再看著其他人，那就更容易讓人起這種疑心了。

三是在大庭廣眾之下，跟人“咬耳朵”，是對他人的不尊重。在公眾場合，要舉止大方，規規矩矩，注意力要集中在活動的主題上。如果別人都在圍繞活動的主題談話，你卻私下犯“小嘀咕”，是不是對其他人的不禮貌？

當然，北京人有這老規矩，跟北京是皇城有很大關系。朝廷上下是絕對禁止“咬耳朵”的動作的。你想，文武官員在上朝的時候，當著皇上的面“咬耳朵”，等于是犯欺君之罪，那不等著腦袋搬家嗎？不光是在皇上面前，在官面上，都不能“咬耳朵”、竊竊私語。這個規矩自然要影響民間。

（摘自《北京紀事》 2017年第1期）