空巢老爸的悲情自白

文◎Norris J. Chumley 譯 ◎阿諾 繪◎也圓

空巢老爸的悲情自白

A Father's Pre-empty Nest Post-partum Mess

文◎Norris J. Chumley 譯 ◎阿諾 繪◎也圓

Women aren't the only ones who feel the loss when the "baby" grows up, goes to college and moves out of the house. Fathers do too. Although it's a little hard to admit—I am already feeling the empty-nest①syndrome. This isn't something my fellow father friends ever discussed or warned me about. I've never read about it from a man's perspective②either.

當家里的“小寶貝”逐漸長大，去上大學，從家里搬走的時候，不是只有母親才會感到失落。做父親的也會。雖然要承認這一點不太容易——我已經嘗到“空巢綜合征”的滋味了。我那些同樣身為人父的朋友們從來沒有談論過這種事，也沒有警告過我。我也從來沒讀到過有誰從男性的角度寫這種事。

就要正式分別了——大學已經選定。余下的時間不多，只剩幾個月了。雖然難以置信，但我正處在離別的焦慮之中！是的，我，這個身高六英尺多的魁梧老爸，已經傷感得一塌糊涂了。

當小兒子想跟朋友們一起外出聚會，而不是與家人共度一個平靜而放松的夜晚時，我可以理解。他想變得越來越獨立，我覺得很好。沒錯，周六下午他更愿意跟一個女孩待在一起，而不是和我一起去遠足，那也沒什么。我已經不為這類事情傷神了。沒問題，這只是孩子過充實生活的一部分。

我們現(xiàn)在可以旅游了，無須事先安排！我認識的其他空巢老爸也都這么說。我從容而自豪地接受了這一切——我想到目前為止，我們當父母還算稱職，畢竟他還活得好好的，成績很不錯，還進了一所非常好的大學，謝天謝地。但是，該來的時刻還是來了。我還從來沒有經歷過讓人產生如此劇烈反應的事。

It's official—the university has been chosen. The time is upon us. Only a few months left. I can't believe it but I'm having separation anxiety! Yes me, over six feet tall big strapping③dad that I am, I have become an emotional mess of a man.

I understand when he wants to go out and party with friends, instead of a quiet relaxing evening with the folks. I think it's great that he wants to be more and more independent. Yeah, it's OK that he'd rather spend a Saturday afternoon with a girl instead of hiking with me. I'm over all that. No problems, it's just Part of Living a Full Life.

We can now travel, unscheduled④! So say all my other empty-nest fathers. I've taken it all in stride and pride—thinking that we've done an acceptable job so far, after all he's still alive, making pretty great grades, and gotten into a very fineuniversity indeed, thank God. That moment to come, though, has come. It's nothing I have ever experienced to this dramatic degree ever before.

We'd spent the weekend in early orientation sessions. There we were killing time before the flight home, just me and my man listening to the radio on a distant street watching college students go by, when a certain song came on. "Homeward⑤bound I wish I was... Homeward bound... Home, where my thought's escaping... Home, where my music's playing... Silently for Me..." I began to cry uncontrollably. That Paul Simon song was one I hadn't heard in years, and man oh man did it hit me. He'd be gone soon. Such homesickness⑥... Me, not him so much. I'm not the one leaving home. We won't have to eat precisely at six anymore and dinners will never be the same. Oh no, will we ever see him again? He'll be 30 and I’ll be in my 70's... 40, 50, 60 and then what?!

It was a big deal; a very big deal. I cried and cried in a mixture of embarrassment and novelty. There was no logic, no quick-fix manly gate-keeping. Out of my total emotional decompensation⑦, I managed to get out only three words amidst the tears: "I love you."

My boy put his arm around my shoulders, and we looked in each other's eyes. He was weeping too. Then we began sobbing. Then laughing at the thought and the sight of the two of us, such a weepy mess. I will never forget that moment. I don't think I can ever bear to hear that song again.

I couldn't wait to leave home and my parents when I was my rebellious⑧. I didn't cry a tear, and they didn't either. I don't remember ever hearing those three words as I said goodbye. Now, over 30 years later, I'm so proud of growing up and being a father to my sons. I'm about to cry some more, and that's fi ne.

此前的周末我們參加了入學前期的新生導覽活動。坐飛機回家前，我跟兒子兩個人在離家遙遠的街上一邊聽著收音機，一邊看著大學生來來往往，借此打發(fā)時間。這時，收音機里傳來了一首歌：“但愿我是在回家的路上……回家的路上……我的思緒飄往家的方向……我的音樂在家中奏響……無聲地為我奏響……”我無法抑制地哭了起來。保羅·西蒙的這首歌我好多年都沒有聽過了，天哪天哪，他真是唱到我的心坎里去了。兒子就快離開了。這樣的思鄉(xiāng)之情……是我，他不怎么想家。即將離家的人不是我。我們再也不用六點準時開飯了，晚飯也再不會與從前一樣了。哦，不，我們還能再見到他嗎？他將會長到30歲，那時我就70多歲了……到他40歲，50歲，60歲，之后呢？！

這是件大事，非常大的事。我哭個不停，既感到難為情，又有種新奇的感覺。沒有道理可講，也沒有保持男子漢形象的應急之策。完全處于情緒代償失調中的我流著淚，只勉強說出三個字：“我愛你。”

兒子伸手摟住我的肩膀，我們四目相對。他也在哭。后來，我們開始抽噎。再后來，看著彼此哭得如此狼狽的樣子，想想這個場景，我們又笑了起來。我永遠也忘不了那一刻。我想我再也聽不得那首歌了。

當我還是個18歲的叛逆少年時，我迫不及待地想離開家，離開父母。我當時一滴淚也沒流，他們也一樣。我不記得曾在道別時聽到他們說那三個字。如今，30多年過去了，我終于長大成人，并做了孩子們的父親，對此我感到非常自豪。我還會再哭幾次。這也沒什么。

①empty-nest 空巢

②perspective 英 [p?'spekt?v] 美 [p?'sp?kt?v] n. 觀點；遠景；透視圖adj. 透視的

③strapping 英 ['str?p??] 美 ['str?p??] n. 鞭打；皮帶材料；裹傷膠帶adj. 魁梧的；高大健壯的v. 用帶捆扎；約束，束縛（strap的現(xiàn)在分詞）

④unscheduled [?n'sked?u?ld] adj. 事先未安排的；不按計劃的

⑤homeward 英 ['h??mw?d] 美 ['homw?d] adv. 在歸途上，向家地adj. 在歸途上的，向家的

⑥homesickness ['hom,s?kn?s] n. 鄉(xiāng)愁

⑦decompensation 英 [,di?k?mp(?)n'se??(?)n]美 [,dikɑmp?n'se??n] n. 呼吸困難；補償不全

⑧rebellious 英 [r?'belj?s] 美 [r?'b?lj?s] adj. 反抗的；造反的；難控制的