我不要做哥哥的影子

張玲

"Wow， Mubeen is your brother？ He is such a smart kid！"

I was hoping this conversation wouldnt just be about my spectacular brother. But it was. My new 8th grade algebra teacher went on and on about how hardworking he was. It made me feel like she wouldnt think the same about me.

It got worse when I got to high school. In the beginning of freshman year， teachers would look at my last name and say， "Are you Mubeens sister？" with expectant smiles on their faces. My brother was known as the smartest kid.

Students said to me， "Your brother is a genius. Are you like him too？" I didnt know how to respond to that question. I am proud of my brother， but I was tired of people expecting me to be as smart as he is.

There are things that are different about us. He is better at math and sports； I am more creative and social. Im a more descriptive writer. I love to read and my brother only reads when its assigned for school.

We also have a lot in common： Were hardworking， honest， caring， serious and want to have a successful future not just for ourselves， but for our parents too. We get along well and he supports me.

But sometimes all the comments got to me1）. One day in the middle of freshman year I confronted2） my brother. He was sitting in his room and I pushed his door open hard so he would know how angry I was.

"Whats wrong？"

I wanted to scream， but I stayed calm. "Can you stop being so smart？ For me？ Everyone compares me to you."

"What？"

"Every teacher asks me if youre my brother because youre such a good student，" I said， imitating my teachers breathless voices.

"Come on， who cares what teachers say？" he said. "You know youre smart too." I knew he meant it but I was still angry. I slammed the door on the way out.

I want to be known as Shameera， not as Mubeens sister， or worse a female copy of him.

It was bad enough when my brother got top grades， but this year， he was valedictorian3） and also got accepted to Cornell University. That was a big deal for our high school. The school is new and small with only around 500 students so he was the first student to ever get into an Ivy League university.

My parents made it clear they expected the same from me. I get grades in the 90s， but I might decide that an Ivy League college isnt the best choice for me. Ive always wanted to become a doctor. Going to a college with a strong pre-med4） program is my priority， not whether or not its Ivy League. I havent discussed this with my parents because I think this might disappoint them.

In fact， I try to avoid conversations about school with my parents. How often can I hear， "Why cant you be like him？" I cant be like him because I am not him. There have been many times when I wanted to tell my mom to stop comparing me to Mubeen but Ive never said it. I dont think theyd be receptive.

At home I said to my brother， "Everyone was congratulating me today. But thats scaring me because now even when you leave your legend will live on in this school. Youre going to haunt me even when youre not here anymore." That made him laugh and he said， "Dont worry I wont haunt you. And Im sure youre going to be the second one from our school who will go to an Ivy League university."

Recently， I spoke to my global history teacher about how I dont like being compared to my brother all the time. She said， "To be honest， I think youre smarter than him. You participate more and youre more understanding." Whenever I remember these words， they make me happy.

This coming school year will be my first year of high school without my brother. I will finally have the chance to establish my own identity. Im looking forward to that.

I also started asking classmates to stop comparing us. I asked them to try and think of us as different human beings and not only as siblings who are close in age. Although the comparisons continue， theyve decreased5）. I feel less stressed and more appreciated as myself now. I also feel better because I spoke up. I havent done this with my parents yet， but now that I see how well other people responded， I think I will give it a try.

有一個優(yōu)秀的哥哥是什么樣的體驗？也許你會為此感到自豪，但還有可能你會為此感到沮喪。因為無論走到哪里，總有人在你面前對你的哥哥贊不絕口，卻對你的優(yōu)秀視而不見，你就像哥哥的影子。這可真叫人郁悶。此時此刻，默默地忍受可不是什么好辦法，大聲反抗才是破除“魔咒”的出路。

“哇，木彬是你哥哥？他可真是個聰明的孩子！”

我心里希望這次對話不會只圍繞我那引人注目的哥哥展開。但實際情況正是如此。教我八年級代數(shù)的新老師喋喋不休地說著我的哥哥有多么用功。這讓我感覺她永遠(yuǎn)不會對我有同樣的評價。

我上高中后，這種情況變得愈發(fā)糟糕了。高一剛開始，老師們都會看著我的姓說：“你是木彬的妹妹？”說話的同時臉上還掛著期許的笑容。我哥哥是這里公認(rèn)的最聰明的孩子。

同學(xué)們和我說：“你哥哥是個天才。你也和他一樣嗎？”我不知道該如何回答這個問題。我為我的哥哥驕傲，但我厭倦了人們期望我和他一樣聰明。

我和哥哥在很多方面都不同。他比較擅長數(shù)學(xué)和體育；而我則更有創(chuàng)造力，社交能力也更強。我更擅長進(jìn)行描述性寫作。我喜歡閱讀，而我哥哥只有在學(xué)校布置了閱讀作業(yè)時才讀書。

我們也有很多共同點：我們都勤奮、誠實、有愛心、做事認(rèn)真，并且都希望擁有一個成功的未來——不僅是為了我們自己，也是為了我們的父母。我們相處融洽，而且他很支持我。

但有時各種閑言碎語還是會讓我難受。高一上了一半時，有一天，我向哥哥發(fā)飆了。當(dāng)時他正坐在他的房間里，我用力推開門，好讓他知道我有多生氣。

“怎么了？”

我真想尖叫，但我保持了冷靜。“你能別這么聰明嗎？為我著想行嗎？每個人都拿我和你比。”

“什么？”

“每個老師都問我你是不是我哥，因為你是個‘特別好的學(xué)生。”我模仿著老師激動得喘不上氣的聲音說。

“算了吧，誰在乎老師說的話啊？”他說，“你知道你也很聰明的。”我知道他是真心的，但我還是很生氣，就摔門而出。

我希望大家認(rèn)識我是因為我是莎米拉，而不是因為我是木彬的妹妹，或更糟的是，因為我是他的女版復(fù)制品。

每回我哥哥考高分就夠讓我壓力山大的了，但今年，他還是在畢業(yè)典禮上致辭的優(yōu)秀畢業(yè)生代表，而且還被康奈爾大學(xué)錄取了。這對我們這所高中來說可是件大事兒。我們學(xué)校成立不久，規(guī)模很小，只有大概500名學(xué)生，因此他是我們學(xué)校首位被一所常春藤盟校錄取的學(xué)生。

我的父母明確表示，他們對我有同樣的期許。我各門功課的成績都在90分以上，但我也有可能認(rèn)定常春藤盟校并非是我最好的選擇。我一直都想成為一名醫(yī)生，因此我的首選是去擁有很強的醫(yī)學(xué)院預(yù)科項目的大學(xué)，我才不管它是不是常春藤盟校之一。這件事我還沒有和我的父母談過，因為我覺得這可能會讓他們失望。

事實上，我盡量避免和我的父母談及關(guān)于學(xué)校的話題。因為我經(jīng)常能聽到他們說：“你怎么就不能像他一樣呢？”我不能像哥哥一樣，因為我不是他。有許多次我都想告訴媽媽別再拿我和木彬比了，但我從未說出口。我覺得他們不會接受我的想法。

在家里我對哥哥說：“今天每個人都祝賀我。但那讓我很害怕，因為即使你現(xiàn)在畢業(yè)離校了，你的傳奇故事還會在學(xué)校里流傳。即便你已經(jīng)不在這里了，我還是要繼續(xù)活在你的陰影里。”這話讓他大笑了起來，他說：“別擔(dān)心，你不會活在我的陰影里的。而且我肯定你將會是咱們學(xué)校第二個考進(jìn)常春藤盟校的人。”

最近，我和我的全球史老師談起我是多么不喜歡一直被拿來和我哥哥做比較。她說：“說實話，我覺得你比他更聰明。你更愿意參與，而且你更善解人意。”無論何時我想起這些話，我都覺得很開心。

接下來的這一學(xué)年將是我高中生涯里沒有哥哥在的第一年。我終于有機會建立屬于我自己的身份了，對此我充滿期待。

我還開始告訴班上的同學(xué)們不要再拿我們兩個比來比去了。我讓他們試著把我們當(dāng)做不同的人來看待，而不只是年齡相近的兩兄妹。雖然人們還在拿我倆做比較，但現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)減少了。我覺得壓力沒那么大了，也更加喜歡現(xiàn)在的自己。我說出了自己的想法，這也讓我感覺好多了。我還沒有對我父母說過，但既然我看見其他人對此反應(yīng)不錯，我想我會試一試的。

A Female Copy 一個女版的復(fù)制品

More Pressure 壓力更大

1. get to sb.： 讓某人難受（或心煩）；給某人造成不利影響

2. confront [k?n?fr?nt] vt. 使對峙；對抗

3. valedictorian [?v?l?d?k?t??ri?n] n. （中學(xué)或大學(xué)畢業(yè)典禮上）致告別詞的優(yōu)秀畢業(yè)生

4. pre-med： （= premedical）醫(yī)學(xué)院預(yù)科的

5. decrease [d??kri?s] v. 減少；減小；降低

美麗英文·人生百味

Beautiful English

My Own Identity屬于我自己的身份

掃碼聽音頻

1. frail [fre?l] adj. 虛弱的；體弱的

2. stutter [?st?t?（r）] vi. 口吃；結(jié)結(jié)巴巴地說話

3. idle [?a?dl] adj. 瑣碎無聊的；毫無意義的

4. scrub [skr?b] vt. 擦掉（灰塵、污漬）

5. vacuum [?v?kju?m] vt. 用真空吸塵器打掃

6. neat [ni?t] adj. 很好的；很棒的

7. stub [st?b] vt. 使腳趾碰傷

8. trait [tre?t] n. （個人的）特征；特性；品質(zhì)