《家事的撫慰》：家事的撫慰從何處來

雪瑞·孟德森（Cheryl Mendelson），美國作家，出生于賓夕法尼亞州格林縣農家，先后獲得羅切斯特大學哲學博士學位和哈佛大學法學院法學博士學位。曾在紐約從事律師工作，并在普渡大學和哥倫比亞大學巴納德學院教授哲學。1999年，她出版了《家事的撫慰：食物、衣物，以及合理的家事計劃》（Home Comforts： The Art and Science of Keeping House），后出版小說三部曲《晨邊高地》（Morningside Heights）、《愛，工作，孩子》（Love， Work， Children）、《一切為了簡》（Anything for Jane）。目前雪瑞與丈夫和兒子一起生活。

Excerpts1）

I am a working woman with a secret life： I keep house. An off-and-on2） lawyer and professor in public， in private I launder3） and clean， cook from the hip， and devote serious time and energy to a domestic routine not so different from the one that defined my grandmothers as “housewives.” When I want a good read， I reach for my collection of old housekeeping manuals. The part of me that enjoys housekeeping and the comforts it provides is central to my character.

Until now， I have almost entirely concealed this passion for domesticity. No one meeting me for the first time would suspect that I squander my time knitting or my mental reserves remembering household facts such as the date when the carpets and mattresses were last rotated. Without thinking much about it， I knew I would not want this information about me to get around. After all， I belong to the first generation of women who worked more than they stayed home. We knew that no judge would credit the legal briefs of a housewife， no university would give tenure to one， no corporation would promote one， and no one who mattered would talk to one at a party.

Being perceived as excessively domestic can get you socially ostracized4）. When I made hand-rolled pasta for a dinner， I learned the hard way that some guests will find this annoying， as they do not feel comfortable eating a meal that they regard as the product of too much trouble. When my son was in nursery school， I made the mistake of spending a few hours sewing for him a Halloween astronaut costume of metallic cloth， earning the disgust， suspicion， and hard stares of many a fellow parent who had bought a Batman or Esmeralda costume. When I finally had to begin disclosing to friends and acquaintances just what the long book was about that I had been working on for so many years， I got a lot of those stares. Many times my courage failed me when painful silences followed my confession， “No， not a history of housework， an explanation of it—a practical book on how you make the bed and make a comfortable home，” or “No， nothing about recipes， bouquets， gardening， monogramming， decorating， or crafts. Its about how a home works， not how it looks—what different fabrics are for， pantry and refrigeration storage， laundering and ironing， tuning the piano， cleaning and dusting， household records， books， laws， germs， allergies， and safety.” I managed to persevere partly because not everyone responded with that stare; there was enthusiasm as well. And I was struck that no one responded with bored indifference. The topic was clearly hot—too hot for some people to handle， heartwarming to others.

Born Too Late

For me， too， the subject was actually something of a hot potato. I was raised to be a rural wife and mother， but I was born too late to find many openings for farm wives. Until I was thirteen， I lived in the Appalachian5） southwest corner of Pennsylvania， for most of the time on a working farm where I received an old-fashioned domestic education quite unlike the experience of the average girl in the 1950s. Early on， I learned baby care， housecleaning， laundering， gardening， cooking， embroidering， knitting， and sewing. I slopped the pigs， herded the cows， and helped out with the milking. I was proud to be able to pin a cloth diaper around a baby when I was six， and cook breakfasts of eggs， bacon， toast， and coffee for a large family and the hired help when I was nine.

Because housekeeping skills got respect in my world， I looked forward to keeping a house of my own one day. It was what I wanted， and part of me was confident that I could do it well. Another part doubted practically everything I had been taught. That was because my domestic education was a battlefield in a subtle war between my two grandmothers. These ladies， both expert in needlecraft， cookery， canning， and all the other arts of the home， each held an absolute conviction that there was a right way to keep house （the one she had been brought up with） and a wrong way （all others）.

My maternal grandmother was a fervent housekeeper in her ancestral Italian style， while my paternal grandmother was an equally fervent housekeeper in a style she inherited from England， Scotland， and Ireland. In one home I heard Puccini6）， slept on linen sheets with finely crocheted7） edging rolled up with lavender from the garden， and enjoyed airy， light rooms with flowers sprouting in porcelain pots on windowsills and the foreign scents of garlic and dark， strong coffee. The atmosphere was open and warmly hospitable. The other home felt like a fortress—secure against intruders and fitted with stores and tools for all emergencies. There were Gay Nineties8） tunes on the player piano and English hymns， rooms shaded almost to darkness against real and fancied harmful effects of air and light， hand-braided rag rugs， brightly colored patchwork quilts， and creamed lima beans from the garden.

作品賞析

《家事的撫慰》一書的英文副標題是“The Art and Science of Keeping House”（操持家務的藝術與科學）。作者雪瑞·孟德森在解釋這個書名時寫道：“持家是一門藝術，頭腦直覺與身體技能相互配合，才能創造出舒適、健康、美麗、秩序與安全。它也是一門科學，是幫助我們更加睿智、高效和人性地實現上述諸項目標的知識體系。”秉持這樣的創作理念，雪瑞在書中不僅與讀者分享了操持家務所必備的常識，更探問了為何我們需要這些居家常識，用這些常識構建出的家是什么模樣，以及為何這樣的操勞能夠為我們帶來珍貴的撫慰感。

在書的一開始，雪瑞就以“生不逢時”為題，講述了自己與家務事的淵源。雖然生長在賓夕法尼亞州的農場，經由持家有道的祖母和外祖母的影響，從小對操持家務耳濡目染，雪瑞卻感嘆自己生得太晚，已經無法順理成章地過上嫁為農婦、養兒育女的主婦人生。在雪瑞成長起來的新世代，居家常識似乎變得無關緊要，于是她轉而勤奮讀書，獲取學位，走進婚姻，步入職場。這些人生經歷看似把雪瑞從家庭主婦型的傳統人生模式越拉越遠，實際上卻推動她對何以為家和怎樣持家進行愈發深入的思考。雪瑞的第一段婚姻以失敗告終，原因是她和丈夫對家務事都不聞不問，最終導致兩人矛盾重重，夫妻關系無法維系。她也曾因工作太忙，把家當做旅館，只在其中睡覺、洗澡、換衣服，覺得自己活得像顆機械運轉的螺絲釘。即便她在第二段婚姻中積累了較豐富的家事心得，日漸享受著家的幸福，但是在社交場合的雪瑞也常常只敢以“律師”和“教授”的面目示人，將“家事達人”當做是自己的秘密人生。雪瑞的這些經歷使她對家和家事的思考有著更為現代的關照。這些思考是闡釋和討論性的，而不是“菜譜式”和速成型的，它對回歸家事的立場是溫和且迂回的，因此才獲得了超越職業甚至無關性別的普適性。對于和雪瑞一樣“生不逢時”的現代讀者而言，雪瑞的這本家事心得因此更具實用性和開放性。

對畢業于哲學和法學專業并曾擔任律師的雪瑞而言，家是一系列權利的集合。而家帶給人們的舒適感，很大一部分正是源于人們對于這些權利的伸張和享用。從這個意義上來說，我們之所以需要悉心了解持家之道，是因為：了解食材的選購和烹飪，是在練習防御和守護家人的健康;勤力打掃與清洗，是在擊退灰塵、異味、細菌、霉變、昆蟲等不速之客的入侵和騷擾;摸索收納與貯藏，是在繪制能夠戰勝遺忘和惰性的明晰地圖;甚至有人潛心進修成業余的電工和管道工，以管窺上帝創世般的榮耀，在需要有光的時候，開關一觸即亮，而在需要安眠時，水龍頭滴水不漏。我們稱之為家的這個空間之所以舒適而珍貴，并不單單是因為它的豐沛或便利，更是因為這是家的操持者依著自己的模樣，仿佛造物主般從無到有創造出的私人專屬伊甸園。而作為創造過程的家事操持，往往能夠帶來貫穿日常、微小卻恒久的滿足感。

雪瑞筆下的家事操勞是撫慰性的，還因為它忠實地還原了人生周而復始、往復循環的日常面貌。很多人之所以對操持家務抱持著厭煩甚至恐懼的態度，正是因為家務的操持似乎無休無止，仿佛永遠沒有大功告成，可以心滿意足、功成身退的那一刻。我們一遍又一遍地需要睡覺、飲食、洗澡、換洗、清潔、放松、學習和娛樂，這些需求千頭萬緒，此起彼伏。而在雪瑞看來，我們之所以需要悉心了解持家之道，是要在其中聆聽每日的節拍，感受季節的更替，把握年歲的脈搏，并依此創造出適合自己的節奏。而一個操持有方的家正是以悉心的經營確立了這樣的節奏，使它“應和著生活的旋律”。因此，在雪瑞看來，以勤勉的姿態替換一勞永逸的奢望，恰恰是正確持家的第一步。而通過這種維護和操持所換來的珍貴恒常，才是家的要義所在。在這個意義上，家的舒適和珍貴并非源自于它的富麗奢華，也不源自它的纖塵不染，而是因為它如呼吸般綿長，隨著主人的飲食起居進行自身的新陳代謝。而家事的這種細水長流的煥新力量，才得以源源不絕地對抗著人生仿佛“西西弗斯式”的徒勞無功感。

《家事的撫慰》一書出版于1999年，雪瑞動筆的初衷是因為祖母們傳下來的家務秘訣已不適用于隨著時代變遷而發生著巨大變化的現代家庭。而當我們在多年之后再來閱讀雪瑞的這本居家手冊，可能也會不禁感嘆社會發展的迅速，其中也有失效落伍的章節，也有居家討論的盲點。然而雪瑞寫作的語境并沒有太多變化：科技的進步帶來了更多省時省力的便利，隨之而來的喧囂吵鬧卻似乎有隔斷人與世界共通脈搏的風險，家之所以為家的諸多特權也面臨著更多被蠶食和被侵犯的挑戰。基于此，我們對于家和家事的探問思量，實在是需要多一點，再多一點。