Six Attitudes towards Marriage

By Wei Ping

Six Attitudes towards Marriage

By Wei Ping

Liu Guojun,alias Jin Xun,was born in 1886 in Zhenjiang,Jiangsu Province. He was brought up in a poor family and suffered a lot since childhood.

In his earlier years,he advocated Machine Reform and Save Country by Domestic Yarn activities in Changzhou andraisedfundstoestablish ChangzhouDanchengTextileand Dyeing Company in 1930.Within 8 years,thefactoryproliferatedinto four,and the spindles developed from 10 thousand into 80 thousand,as well as the capital increased from 500 thousand yuan to 4 million yuan.It was called miracle by economists then.

Career Prior than Marriage

In autumn 1904,Liu was 18.After graduatingfromapprenticeship,he came back to Shengcitang town in Jinjiang to visit the parents.Seeing him grown up to a handsome young man, Liu’s mother was pleased and keptsmiling all day.In the two months vacation,his father taught him to read every day while mother kept nagging his future marriage.

His mother said:“Jingsheng,you are old enough to have a wife.You should make some plan.”Liu replied:“I just graduated and have not earned any money.Let’s talk about it later.”

Father interrupted:“Men should put career prior than the marriage.An excellent man would not be worried in finding a good wife.”“Career prior than the marriage.”became the first attitude of Liu towards marriage and love.He went back to Benniu Town in Wujing,and put all his strengthens into business.Liu not only worked over the counter,later he also worked outside to resource and to sell.The life then was so busy for him.

Not Just Good-looking

In 1906,Liu turned into 20.He performed so well in Yuantai shop that many people came to introduce dates to him.Some people said:“Mr Liu, you know that Chen Yuanyuan also came from Benniu.Our Benniu is famous for having beauties.Miss Wang, who just turned 16 in the East Street, is a beauty unmarried.I would love to make you two a match,what do you think?”

After hearing that,there came a popular saying to his mind--“Beauty is a stabber”.He politely declined the offer.Not just look for good-looking is his second attitude towards marriage and love.

Similar Background

Later,he was introduced another girl who was said to be well-educated,versatile and with greatmanner.Liu replied“too good for me.”Having similar background is his third attitude.He wished the girl could have similar education background,hobbies andpersonalitieswithhim.There should not be a huge gap between them.Although some marriages did exist in the reality with a huge gap between the couple,most of them ended not happily enough.

Support the Parents

Another girl introduced to him was a diligent and gentle girl with limited education.He was satisfied with her conditions and went back to tell the parents.Later he had a date with the girl and found her pretty.Therefore he told the matchmaker that he would like to develop the relation further with her.In addition,the girl’s housewas quite near his shop,which made their dates quite convenient.

Though that time the society was still conservative in old rules,as common people,they two did not follow the tradition so strictly.After the shop was closed,he always walked to her home to have tea with her together. With time went by,they fall in love. However when Liu mentioned that he wished she could live with his parents in Jinjiang after marriage,they could not reach an agreement.Just because of this,Liu had to cease the relationship and went back to tell his parents.

Mother felt so pity and said:“Jingsheng,you are too stubborn.Only if the girl is good,it is not necessary for her to move to live and take care of us,you two could live in Benniu and enjoy a happy life.”But his father insisted:“Wrong!How can a woman unwilling to take care of her parents in law be a qualified wife?”

Therefore,Liu told his mother that he had given up finding a wife outside his hometown and hoped that the parents could find someone for him near home.

Respect the Senior

At the end of the next summer,a local girl Ju Xiuying was introduced by Liu’s parents.

Ju came from a common but kind family in Jiujiali.She was a nice girl smart and diligent.Liu’s parents liked the girl very much.Mother asked Liu to meet the girl himself and make a decision.Liu told his mother:“That’s not necessary.I would agree as long as you are satisfied and think she is good enough.”In his mind,the parents were in superior position.Only if his future wife could be filial to his parents would he be satisfied.

To respect and follow the suggestion of the seniors is the fifth attitude Liu hold.

Personality more important than Money

In 1908,Liu and Ju got married.Afterthe marriage,Ju not only had no complaints about the poor condition of Liu’s family but also encouraged him to work hard outside.She said the money was made by hands.The family would become prosperous so long as they keep working hard.

Ju took over all the housework including tea-making and cooking right on the second day of marriage.And she served the parents in law really carefully.Theentireneighborhood prized that Liu had married a great wife.

To pay more emphasis on personality than money is the sixth attitude of Liu.

So what is the result of Liu’s marriage?Let’s check the new relationshipamonghisfamilymembers re-built by this marriage.

AtthebeginningoftheAnti-Japanese war,Liu had to go far away from home to prepare building the fourth Dacheng factory in Hankou. His mother then was already in her 70s.As the old saying goes,“one should not go far away from home when parents are still alive.”Liu was reluctant to leave his mother.When his mother knew that,she told him:“Jingsheng,just go ahead.You do not need to worry about me.Xiuying is here by my side.She will take good care of me.And we will have a happy life.”

But out of his expectation,these were the last words given by his mother.After that autumn,his mother died with no obvious illness.On her dying, Ju,who had been accompanying her wholetimebesidethebed,said:“Mom,we had telegraphed Jingsheng. He would be back soon.”

Mum nodded her head.A moment later,she reached out her hands from the quilt.On seeing this,Ju hurried to holdmother’shandandasked:“Mom,whatdoyouneed?”The mother shook her head,with a breath hard to feel.

Later,Xiuying told Liu the only words his mother had before her death was:“Xiuying,you are much better than a daughter.”That time,Liu had just left Hanjou and arrived in Shanghai.He was full of regret and sorrow when he called back home and heard his mother’s death.Though he did not say farewell to his mother by himself, it was relieved that his beloved wife did all those for him.

(FromChangzhou DailyMarch 29 2015.Translation:Zhao Yan.Illustration:A Muluo,Pu Hua)