A Chinese Daughter-in-Law in Germany

By Ye Ying

A Chinese Daughter-in-Law in Germany

By Ye Ying

L iving in Germany,I spent most of my time seeking job opportunities and sending CVs to potential employers after seeing my husband Edward off to work every day.I didn’t have many choices because my German wasn’t very good.Thus,I concentrated on finding companies doing business with China,and received an interview invite before long.

Women’s Troubles

I met with the two interviewers for more than half an hour.They praised my German and believed that I was a quick-learner.

Suddenly,one interviewer asked,“Do you plan to have children any time soon?If we arranged to have you work in China for two years and then come back,would you accept it?”

That question surprised me a lot. The interview ended hastily with some casual remarks.

I told Edward what had happened that day when he came home in the evening.I said that the question raised by the company really hurt women.

Edward felt indignant about my experience.He said the question was too private to ask.

“Not allowed to ask”and“not want to ask”are totally different.If the manager could have asked in another way,for example,“Our ideal candidate should be...And he/she shall be responsible for...Do you think you are capable of it?”I would have been more comfortable with the results.

After that,I got a temporary job for half a year doing some casual work to assist with project management for an exhibition company.

Mann was my direct boss and we were close in age.One day,Mann took me to participate in an activity organized by the municipal economic department,which was to receive potential Chinese investors. I had not expected that the delegation was from Guangzhou, my hometown.

They explained their great plan for developing Guangzhou for a wider audience,including development of the Nansha Economic and Technological Development Zone,establishment of a college town,planning of a scientific town,and an entrepreneurial park for overseas Chinese scholars.Their statements revealed their thirst for talent and investment.

Ye Ying and her husband on their wedding day

It was an exciting investment fair. I still remember it quite clearly.One day,when my father told me about the development of Panyu college town on the phone,he sighed and said,“It would be great if you could come back and be a teacher after completing your study in Germany.”

On the way back to the office, Mann raised her pretty face and said to me,“How beautiful your hometown is.It is surrounded by mountains and rivers,and it is modern and prosperous.”

Mann told me that her boyfriend was going to go work in China for two years.I remarked half-jokingly,“Marry him before he goes to China,and then it would be justifiable for you to work with him in China.”

“But I would have to give up my work here in that case.I would be out of employment when I come back after two years.What should Ido then?It’s not easy to find such a great job.”Her ideal life still seemed to be self-centered.

“Maybe you will have kids after two years.You might need to stay at home anyway.”I reminded her.“Don’t say that.Half of his slim salary goes to his ex-wife.How would it be possible to raise the children?I definitely have to work.”

I was stunned by her words.I had thought it was difficult for me,a Chinese woman,to have both a good family and career in Germany. But I never knew that career women in Germany also had such vexations.

Poor women.When will you be free from the trouble of striking a balance between family and career?

The Reckoning

In the spring after we got married, my mother-in-law had to be hospitalized for more than a week due to a small surgery.She asked whether we could let my father-in-law stay at our house in Munich.

We went to Erfurt on the weekend to pick up Dad.

My mother-in-law felt sorry for disturbing us and constantly said,“I’m really sorry to trouble you again.When Edward goes to work during the day,you will have to take care of your father.”

Actually,I had never thought of taking care of my father-in-law as a burden.He could eat and walk by himself;he was just a little forgetful.It was much better to stay with him and listen to him singing old songs and reciting poems than to get worried about finding a job when I was home alone.

During one of our morning walks,a field of purple wild flowers deep in the forest caught my attention.As we approached them, my father-in-law began to read some rhythmic sentences.I got a general idea of what he said and thought it was some kind of description about the forest and the wild flowers.Thinking that he was also marveling at the beauty of these flowers—the delicate beauty which had come out unstained of the mud—I bent down and intended to pick up some to share with him.

However,my father-in-law shook his head violently in disagreement,“Do not pick the flower.Do you have the heart to see the beauty dies as lonely fireworks do?”

I was surprised by his words and asked,“Dad,why don’t you become a poet?Your words are so poetic.”

“I was just reading a poem for you.I rewrote the last part according to a poem by Goethe.”

“Then can you teach me these beautiful sentences?I want to recite the poem.”I begged him.

The best way to accompany a forgetful senior citizen is to find some topics that we both are interested in.I decided to turn his love for poetry into an opportunity for me to learn literature.

“I’d love to,my little girl.”I was always like his“granddaughter”in his eyes.Honestly,I enjoyed this kind of feeling.

My mother-in-law’s surgery was successful and she went home after one week.When we sent my father-in-law back home,she was almost completely recovered.

Ye Ying and her parents-in-law

My mother-in-law took me to their bedroom and handed over several notes to me.She shoveled the money in my hands and said in an almost commanding tone,“Please take it.You have to take it. You helped us so much by taking care of your dad.It’s hard work. Buy some beautiful dress or shoes with this money and give yourself a treat.”

As if a fly was stuck in my throat, I could not utter a word.I felt sad and misunderstood.She,my mother-in-law,seemed to think that she would have an even reckoning with me forever.Yet it was not a deal that can be valued by money. For me,it’s my duty to take care of my father-in-law;but for her,I was a“worker”who should be paid.

(FromDeutsche Mutter Chinesische Mama,Nanfang Daily Press. Translation:Li Li.)

Ye Ying at Erfurt

isingly,I

a rejection letter from that company several days later.