別鬧了，老媽

By+Pamela+Dell++李巧蘭

"FOR PITY'S SAKE2）， students！" Principal Hogwobble slapped a fly swatter3） against the teacher's desk， trying to make himself heard above the classroom din4）. "Listen up—now！ I have important news！"

The hubbub5） in Dandelion's fourth-grade classroom lessened a bit but did not stop entirely. The morning had begun with no teacher in sight—the signal， of course， for a free-for-all6）.

"Mr. Moosehead will be out all week，" Principal Hogwobble went on， "so I've brought in an outstanding substitute teacher."

A wave of groans and hisses7） spread through the room. A boy named Weezer aimed his peashooter8） at the ceiling and let a big wad9） fly.

Dandelion smiled at her friend Beepdee. "Maybe we won't have any homework，" she said hopefully.

Beepdee was not as positive. "We'll have more，" she declared.

"I'm pleased to introduce，" Mr. Hogwobble was saying， "the brilliant Mrs. Pinkley！"

"What？！" Dandelion blurted10）， almost choking11）.

Weezer faced Dandelion and sneered12）， "Is that your mom， Dandel-Hoot？"

Dandelion's face flamed as her mother strode into the classroom playing her largest set of bagpipes13）. The class howled with laughter.

"Nooooo！" Dandelion moaned. "No， no， no！"

Mrs. Pinkley stopped playing and beamed at her daughter， who was slumped in14） her chair. "Surprise， my love！"

After Principal Hogwobble's speedy exit from the room， Dandelion's mom got to work. When she called roll， Weezer and his friends responded to their names with loud oinks15）. Next， Mrs. Pinkley had several students solve math problems at the board. With every correct answer， she blasted16） a short tune on the bagpipes， sending all but Dandelion into gales17） of laughter.

During their read-aloud session， Mrs. Pinkley demonstrated a Scottish brogue18）， causing fits19） of giggles and imitations in all but her scowling20） daughter. And just before lunch， she did the worst thing of all.

"Bravo， good students！" Mrs. Pinkley cheered. "Now， after lunch I invite you all to climb aboard our family vehicle to have a look-see21）. It's parked just outside in the lot， and I think you'll find it full of fun！ We call it—"

"Mom！" Dandelion shrieked， bolting22） out of her seat just as the bell rang. "Do not do this！" With that， she fled for the cafeteria.

"We call it the Burpmobile！" Mrs. Pinkley finished. The hubbub that followed sounded as if it were coming from a giant troop of chimpanzees gone crazy.

Dragging her feet as she entered the classroom that afternoon， Dandelion was overtaken23） by Weezer.

"Hey， Dandel-Hoot！" he snorted24）. "Your mother's a real kook25）！"

"She is not！" Dandelion retorted. But she groaned when she saw that Mrs. Pinkley was now wearing her glengarry26）， a boat-shaped Scottish hat. At every desk Mrs. Pinkley had placed a small cup of water， half a lemon， a spoon and a cotton swab27）. On the teacher's desk was a lamp with no shade， its bulb burning brightly.

"What is she doing？！" Dandelion whined28） to Beepdee. "And why？ Oh why， why， why！"

"Cuckoo29）-cuckoo！" Weezer sang in a high-pitched voice.

"Time for a special treat！" Mrs. Pinkley announced. "I'm going to let you in on30） a very useful secret. Everyone take out a piece of plain white paper， please."

A hush began to spread through the classroom as Mrs. Pinkley explained what they were about to do.

Following her directions， everyone squeezed a few drops of lemon juice into the water， stirred it and dipped a cotton swab into the mixture. Then each wrote a message on their paper with the cotton swab. But not a word appeared.

"Is this lame31） or what？" Weezer muttered. Secretly， Dandelion had to agree.

"Now！ Bring those papers up here and hold them close to this hot bulb，" Mrs. Pinkley instructed. One by one the students lined up and did so.

Miraculously32）， within a few minutes the messages began to appear on the papers.

"Wow！" someone said. "Invisible ink！"

"We can write secret notes！" exclaimed Beepdee.

Weezer started writing another message. When it dried， he handed it to Dandelion.

"For you！" he said， grinning.

Dandelion sighed and stuffed the paper in her pocket. She didn't feel like reading it with Weezer looking on.

But as soon as she got home， she took out the note and held it up to a hot light bulb. Soon， words began to appear： Your mother is very cool， it said. She rocks. Seriously.

Dandelion couldn't believe it and had to read the note over again. For the first time all day， she smiled. Maybe the coming week wouldn't be so bad after all.

“拜托了，同學們！”奧德沃貝校長用蒼蠅拍拍打著講臺，試圖讓自己的聲音蓋過教室里的喧鬧聲。“現在，聽我說！我有重要消息要宣布！”

丹德莉昂所在的四年級教室里喧鬧聲低了點兒，但并沒有完全消停。打從早上開始，就沒看見老師的身影——這無疑是課堂秩序要大亂的信號。

“穆斯黑德老師這一周都要外出，”奧德沃貝校長繼續說道，“所以我請來了一位非常優秀的代課老師。”

一陣抱怨聲和起哄聲在教室里蔓延開來。一個名叫威瑟爾的男孩將他的射豆玩具槍瞄準天花板，接著把槍里的一大塊彈塞打飛了出去。

丹德莉昂沖她的朋友比普迪笑了笑。“也許我們這周不會有作業了。”她滿懷憧憬地說。

比普迪沒有她那么樂觀。“我們作業會更多的。”她斬釘截鐵地說。

“我很高興為大家介紹才華橫溢的平克利女士！”奧德沃貝校長正說著。

“什么？！”丹德莉昂脫口而出，差點嗆著自己。

威瑟爾朝著丹德莉昂譏諷道：“那是你媽媽吧，丹德-糊涂？”

當丹德莉昂的媽媽一邊吹著她那支最大的風笛一邊大步走進教室時，丹德莉昂的臉一下子紅了。教室里爆發出一陣哈哈大笑聲。

“天哪！”丹德莉昂抱怨道，“不，不，不！”

平克利老師停止吹奏，朝女兒微微一笑，“沒想到吧，親愛的！”而她的女兒此時已經癱坐在椅子上了。

奧德沃貝校長迅速撤離了教室，隨后丹德莉昂的媽媽就開始上課了。在她點名時，威瑟爾和他的朋友們都用響亮的呼嚕聲來答“到”。接著，平克利老師讓幾名同學到黑板前解答數學題。他們每做對一道題，她就用風笛吹一聲短調，惹得除了丹德莉昂以外的所有人爆發出陣陣笑聲。

在朗讀課上，平克利老師示范了蘇格蘭土腔，除了她那眉頭緊皺的女兒，所有同學都被逗得咯咯直笑，還跟著模仿。就在午飯之前，她做了一件最糟糕的事情。

“太棒了，同學們！”平克利老師高興地說，“好了，午飯后我邀請你們所有人去我們家車上看看！車就停在外面的停車場里，我想你們會發現它好玩極了！我們把它叫做——”

“媽媽！”丹德莉昂從座位上跳了起來，尖聲喊道，就在這時，下課鈴響了。“別這么做！”說完，丹德莉昂就立刻逃向餐廳。

“我們叫它‘打嗝車！”平克利老師把她的話接著說完。教室隨之陷入一片嘈雜聲中，聽起來就好像是一大群發了瘋的黑猩猩發出的。

那天下午，就在丹德莉昂磨磨蹭蹭地走進教室時，威瑟爾追上了她。

“嗨，丹德-糊涂！”他哼著鼻子說，“你媽媽真是個怪人！”

“她不是！”丹德莉昂反駁道。可在看到平克利老師頭上此時戴著她那頂蘇格蘭船形便帽時，丹德莉昂只能低聲嘆息了。平克利老師已經在每張課桌上都放好了一小杯水、半個檸檬、一把勺子和一根棉簽。講臺上則放著一盞沒有燈罩的燈，燈泡點得雪亮。

“她在做什么？！”丹德莉昂低聲和比普迪發著牢騷，“她為什么要這么做？唉，為什么，為什么，為什么！”

“咕咕—咕咕！” 威瑟爾提高嗓門唱了起來。

“下面是特別奉送時間！”平克利老師宣布，“我將給大家揭示一個非常有用的秘密。請每個人拿出一張干凈 的白紙。”

在平克利老師解釋接下來要做什么時，整個教室里開始變得寂靜無聲。

按照她的指示，每個人都擠了幾滴檸檬汁到水里，攪動幾下之后用棉簽蘸了蘸混合后的液體。接下來，每個人用棉簽在各自的紙上寫了一段話。但紙上一個字也沒有出現。

“這是在糊弄人呢，還是干嗎？”威瑟爾小聲嘀咕。丹德莉昂也不得不暗暗贊同。

“現在！把那些紙拿到講臺上來，將它們舉到這盞發熱的燈泡跟前。”平克利老師命令道。同學們排著隊一個接一個走了上來，按照平克利老師說的去做了。

神奇的事情發生了，沒用幾分鐘，那些話開始在紙上顯現出來。

“哇！隱形墨水！”有個同學說。

“我們可以寫秘密字條了！”比普迪激動地喊道。

威瑟爾開始寫另一段話。字干了以后，他把它遞給了丹德莉昂。

“給你的！”他笑嘻嘻地說。

丹德莉昂嘆了口氣，將紙塞進了自己兜里。她可不想在威瑟爾的注視中看這張字條。

但一到家，丹德莉昂就立刻把那張字條拿了出來，舉到了一個發熱的燈泡旁邊。很快，上面的字就開始顯現出來。字條上寫著：你媽媽很酷！她帥爆了。真的。

丹德莉昂簡直無法相信紙上寫的內容，愣是把字條從頭到尾又讀了一遍。在這一整天里，她頭一次笑了。或許，接下來的一周終究不會太糟。