青年危機

By Amirah Ahmad

馬上就是20歲生日了，突然感覺自己老了！一想到生命已經度過五分之一，再也回不到十七八歲就會有種莫名的憂傷。回憶逝去的年華，梳理過去20年的對與錯，竟然會有意想不到的收獲。

My birthday is tomorrow， which means I will have lived for exactly 20 years tomorrow at 3：32 p.m. Thats two entire decades. For the first time in my life， I actually feel old.

For my readers who are over 25， I understand why you may think that me feeling old at 20 is completely ridiculous1. However， the fact that I wont be in my teens scares me. Teen pop sensations like Shawn Mendes and Hailee Steinfeld are actually younger than me.2 The fact that I have already lived about 20% of my life is daunting， which is why I decided that this is the perfect time for reflection.3 I encourage you to stick with me as I reflect on the biggest mistakes， accomplishments， and lessons that Ive learned thus far.

I am certainly not proud of the mistakes and regrets in my life， but I am indubitably4 glad that I made them. Without making mistakes， I never would have learned the lessons and principles that I live by5 now. For example， I was 15 years old when my brother got married. His marriage was in March， and my sister-in-laws family was here for about one and a half weeks to spend time with our family and tour Washington D.C. I never took a day off6 of school during that week. I completed all of my homework every day. I studied for all of my exams. What was my mistake， you may ask？ My mistake was my responsibility. My determination to succeed was getting in the way of family. I never spent any time with my sister-in-law or her family before they left for Pakistan and Canada， respectively.7 While everyone shared laughs and good food， I was cooped up8 in my room completing homework assignments. It was not until one of the last few days of the festivities when someone brought up9 what I was doing wrong. My parents were used to me being extremely studious， so they didnt think to release me from my cage of obsessive studying and working.10 One night， both of our families were at a Chinese restaurant. As everyone was joking around， I was discreetly studying for my biology exam the next day under the table， occasionally looking up to laugh and then promptly bowed my head down to study some more.11 My sister-in-laws father was sitting beside me when he nudged12 my arm and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was studying. He didnt say anything at first. I noticed the crows feet next to his eyes， the solemn smile on his face， and the wise， twinkling eyes of an old man.13 “Theres a time and place for everything. Enjoy the moment， Amirah，” he said to me through a kind smile. Being 15 and rebellious14， I didnt think much of it. The thought of failing my biology exam interfered with me actually heeding his advice.15 It was months later when I realized how much I had missed out on16. I missed out on the fun lunches， the bowling17 adventures， the late-night talks. I dont even remember if I did well on my biology exam， or what my overall grade for that class was. What I do know is that family and friends are of the utmost importance， even if that means skipping a few days of school.18

After two decades， Ive also learned the following extremely important lessons： Dont care about other peoples opinions and do whatever you would like to do， even if it breaks the “norm19.” Smile at everyone， because a smile can truly make someones day20. Sing and dance in the shower， no matter how horrible it sounds or how weird you think you look， because its one of the most effective stress relievers.21 Be healthy because it makes you feel good. Make your bed in the morning， because even if you come home after one of the worst days of your life， at least one part of your life isnt falling apart.

I hope you take these lessons to heart， because empirically22 they really do work.

Life is chock-full23 of mistakes， but also experiences. I came up with a list of the five best days of my life， as a way to celebrate 20 years of life.

1. My last day with the Care for Education children in Jakarta24. I remember as I embraced all of them. It was one of the happiest but also saddest days of my life. That day I truly acknowledged how tight of a bond I had created with each of the children， but it was also the last day I would get to spend with them.

2. The one night I spent in Inner-Mongolia was absolutely breathtaking， from dawn to dusk.25 I remember gazing at the incredibly bright stars in the clear sky， and waking up early to the sound of moos to watch the sunrise.26

3. The day at an outdoor music festival with my best friend， good food， and great music was also epic27. I still remember the light rain in the evening after hours of sitting and walking in the sun， wrapping it all up28 very nicely.

4. The day in Thailand where my best friend and I rode mopeds29 around the small village we were staying in with my brother and my sister-in-law. That was the same day we went swimming with elephants， which made it all the more wonderful.

5. The day of my brothers wedding. It was just a wonderful family reunion filled with good laughs， great food， and happy memories.

I know my personal mistakes and greatest experiences may not have an impact on you， but perhaps what I have learned thus far in my life may have somewhat of an effect. All in all， I have learned that travelling and adventures are lifes greatest gifts. Experiencing different cultures， exploring different nooks and crannies of the world，30 speaking to different people， and trying new foods is honestly the most rewarding part of life to me. Travel， of course， comes second to my family and my friends. There is no exam， grade， assignment， or class that surpasses31 the importance of my loved ones. As I sit here， concluding my thoughts， I cant help but think of my sister-in-law who is currently nine months pregnant， about to go into labor32 any minute. Its ironic33 how as I conclude 20 years of my life， another precious life is coming into existence. It couldnt be at a more perfect time， since I have so much advice to share with it.

1. ridiculous： 可笑的。

2. sensation： 引起轟動的人或事物；Shawn Mendes： 肖恩·蒙德茲，1998年出生，加拿大歌手； Hailee Steinfeld： 海莉·斯坦菲爾德，1996年出生，美國女演員。

3. 大約五分之一的人生已經度過，這個事實讓我惶恐，我決定是時候反思一下過去了。daunting： 使人畏縮的；reflection： 反思，沉思。

4. indubitably： 不容置疑地。

5. live by： 遵守。

6. take off： 請假。

7. Pakistan： 巴基斯坦；respectively： 分別地，各自地。

8. coop up： 把……關起來。

9. bring up： 提出。

10. 我父母已經習慣了我的勤奮用功，所以他們從來沒有想過要把我從對學習和工作的沉迷中解放出來。studious： 用功的；obsessive： 癡迷的。

11. discreetly： 不引人注意地； promptly： 迅速地；bow： 低下頭。

12. nudge：（用肘）輕推。

13. crows feet： 魚尾紋；solemn： 嚴肅的；twinkling： 閃亮的。

14. rebellious： 叛逆的。

15. interfere with： 干擾，妨礙；heed： 留心，接受。

16. miss out on： 錯過機會。

17. bowling： 保齡球。

18. utmost： 最大的；skip school： 逃學，翹課。

19. break the norm： 打破常規。

20. make sb.s day： 使某人快活。

21. shower： 洗澡，淋浴；weird： 奇怪的；reliever： 緩解物。

22. empirically： 根據經驗地。

23. chock-full： 充滿的。

24. Jakarta： 雅加達，印度尼西亞首都。

25. Inner-Mongolia： 內蒙古； breathtaking： 令人驚嘆的；dawn： 黎明；dusk： 黃昏。

26. incredibly： 難以置信地；moo： （牛）哞哞叫。

27. epic： 史詩般的。

28. wrap up： 包起來。

29. moped： 輕型摩托車。

30. nook： 小角落；cranny： 縫隙。

31. surpass： 超越。

32. go into labor： 分娩。

33. ironic： 諷刺的。