Ghost Words 消失的情書

The letter sm elled of lavender and vanilla， like she couldn't decide which perfume to use so she used both. Her hand-w ritng had been drawn with the carefulprec is ion only seventh-grade girb in love have patience for.

The envelope lay flat and perfectly sealed in the midde of the hallW ay. If it had not been in front of her bcker I may have left it there. I thought of all possibilities before tearng open the smooth flap of pink paper.

I could have given it back to her. she would definitely have noticed me then. Though soon after she would have given him the letter and that would have been the end of me. No. I wasn't going to return it， I couldn't bare to rid of it.

Every day and night since the third grade l had thought of her. l knew now that as I had thought of her， she had thought of him.

She had experienced the same bnging， the sam e doubt， the same tug of the heart when she saw him each moming and the same dread after school of knowing she would not see him aga in untilthe next day.

One may think that a boy in bve Would be distressed to leam of the girls passion for another， upset，jeabus…but that would be wrong.

lsaw her the day l found the letter.Her nails bit down to shredded stum ps， her leg bouncing restless as she boked this Way and that for the one who may expose her secret. lonl，Wished l could tellher not to worry， her heart Was safe in my hands. But l couldn't. l wasn't strong enough to part with the only piece of her lwould ever own。

She toH Jeremy about her feerlings for himn soon after that. They dated for a few Weeksr but as they do. things feelapart during the summer.Years later l still caught glim pses of her glossng over the crowd，the slight curve of a tiny sm ile at the edge of her lips， who found my letter？ She asked herse lf in silence.

She would never know it Was me. She didn't have to. All she knew Was that someone had found it， read it， and kept her secret. The Words Weren't thought With me in mind， l knew that，they were never meant for me. But they Were mine.

那封信帶著薰衣草和香子蘭的味道，感覺就像她不能決定用哪種香水因此她用了兩種一樣。她寫得如此準確，帶著陷入愛情中的七年級女孩所擁有的耐心。

這個密封的信封平放在走廊中間。如果不是這個信封在她柜子的前面，我或許就會讓它留在那了。在拆開這個光滑的粉色信封前我想了無數的可能性。

我可以把它還給她，這樣她一定會注意到我。不久之后她就會把它送給他，她也就和我沒有任何關系了。不，我不準備把它還回去，我也不會丟掉它。

從三年級遇到她開始，我每日每夜地想她。我知道在我想她的時候，她會想著他。

每天早晨她看到他的時候，她會有著同樣的渴望，同樣的疑惑，同樣的內心掙扎；放學之后也會有同樣的恐懼，因為她知道要等到第二天才會再看到他。

人們或許認為一個戀愛中的男孩知道他愛的那個女孩愛著別人時會感到不安，嫉妒……但那是錯的。

我在發現那封信的那天看到了她。她的指甲被咬得參差不齊，她在這條路上來來回回地不安地走著，尋找著那封可能會揭露她的秘密的信。我只是希望我能告訴她不要擔心，她的秘密在我的手里是安全的。但是我不能。我還沒有強大到去舍棄我能擁有的她的唯一的一部分。

不久之后，她告訴了杰里米她對他的感覺。他們約會了幾周，在他們約會的那個夏天里，我感覺我的心發生了一些變化。幾年之后，我仍舊可以在茫茫人海中瞥見她，嘴角彎彎，笑意淺淺，好像在自問道：“誰發現了我的信？”

她永遠不會知道那個人就是我。她也沒必要知道。她所知道的就是有人發現了它，看了它，并且為她保守著秘密。我知道，那些話不是給我寫的，它們永遠也不會屬于我。但是我擁有它們。