愛在黎明破曉時

文/Someone Magical 譯/Vera641 繪/馬豆子

愛在黎明破曉時

文/Someone Magical 譯/Vera641 繪/馬豆子

Every morning， at precisely①precisely 英 ［pr?'sa?sl?］ 美 ［pr?'sa?sli］ adv. 精確地；恰恰3:00AM， she came to my doorstep in the same beige②beige 英 ［be??； be?d?］ 美 ［be?］ n. 米黃色adj. 淺褐色的；米黃色的-gray T-shirt and torn drab running shorts.

She often called me from her cell， begging me to come over after class. After a while I got the idea that she wasn't allowed to be seeing me. But she was going against her parents.

They thought she was single. Inconscient. But she was more than a drab， blank piece of paper balancing on the table， just waiting to be filled. Waiting for her story to be written for her.

But that's not my girl.

The first time she came， dressed in her dirty rags， I was repulsed③repulse 英 ［r?'p?ls］ 美 ［r?'p?ls］ vt. 拒絕；驅逐；憎惡 n. 拒絕；擊退. Often poor girls never strayed passed the golden gates.

She held her hand out to me and said， "Want to run？"

I didn't know what I was getting into. I felt like it was secret code for a date， like the poor girls had no idea how to ask someone out.

每天早晨，嚴格意義上說是每天凌晨3點，那個總是穿著米灰色T恤、土褐色破洞運動短褲的女孩會出現在我家門口。

她經常打電話給我，讓我下課與她順路一起走。過了幾天我才知道，她家里人不許她去看我，但是她一直和她父母對著干。

他們認為她總是形單影只，并且有些遲鈍。但我知道，她其實只是一張放在桌子上的單調白紙，等待屬于她的色彩，也在等待只屬于她一個人的故事。

我也知道，她并不屬于我。

當她穿著破舊的衣服第一次出現的時候，我的內心對她是排斥的。通常貧窮的女孩從來不會散步到金色大門里來。

But I was way， way off.

"Sure，" I replied. I glanced back into the house， making sure Mom hadn't woken up yet. She usually started making breakfast around four.

After getting changed， we set off. Running passed the sun， we made our way past the local California smoothly shop， past the waving palm trees.

We stopped at the beach.

I never realized how good a runner she was. I'd focused mostly on the ugly dirt stains④stain 英 ［ste?n］ 美 ［sten］ vi. 污染；被染污n. 污點；瑕疵；著色劑on her shirt， or the long， ugly scars running down her arm.

Ever since then， I made it my goal to make her my girlfriend.

I had several at the time. Each was beautiful，rich， and smart. Each was a perfect match. But she was more than beautiful.

Someday I would have her as my own. But that could benched happen. Not with the denial⑤denial 英 ［d?'na?（?）l］ 美 ［d?'na??l］ n. 否認；拒絕；節制；背棄of her parents. Not with the curse of mine.

She still seemed to always appear， to find me when I least expected it. Some days， when my mother dragged me grocery shopping， there she would be， with her brothers and sisters crowding around a single cart， waiting to get the first can of beans or frozen spaghetti⑥spaghetti 英 ［sp?'ɡet?］ 美 ［sp?'ɡ?ti］ n. 意大利式細面條and have it as their own. And my family， only two children， with mounds of all natural， healthy foods compiled up to the top of our polished cart.

This food should have been theirs.

But sometimes God curses the good people and gives the evil power.

She still sees me.

She knew I loved her. But I just didn't know how to say it.

她向我伸出了手，問我：“你想去跑步嗎？”

我不知道自己是如何陷入其中的。我感覺這是開啟一場約會的暗號，因為貧窮的女孩們不知道如何去追求心上人。

但是我可能錯得有點兒離譜。

“當然可以。”我答道。我往后審視了一下房間，確保媽媽還沒有起床。她通常在4點做早飯。

換好衣服以后，我們就出發了。我們奔跑著，太陽被我們甩在了身后，我們跑過了加利福尼亞的商店，跑過了搖曳的棕櫚樹。

我們在沙灘前停住了腳步。

我從來不知道原來她這么擅長跑步。大多數時間，我從她身上注意到的都是丑陋的、骯臟的T恤或者是布滿她手臂的長長的難看的疤痕。

就是這個時刻，我為自己定下了個目標——我要讓她成為我的女朋友。

曾經，我有過好幾個女朋友。每一個都很漂亮、有錢，同時也很聰明。每一個在外人看來都和我門當戶對。但是在她身上，你能看到的不是美貌那么膚淺的東西。

未來的某一天，如果她真的成為我的女朋友就好了。但是這個機會真的是微乎其微。這阻力不僅僅來自她的父母，也不僅僅是因為我自身所帶的詛咒。

她仍然會在不經意間出現，在我幾乎不相信她還會出現的時候找到我。有一天，當我媽媽正拖著我在雜貨店購物的時候，她也在，她正帶著她的弟弟妹妹們推著一輛車，等待著拿到那個第一份豆子罐頭或是冷凍的意大利面。然而我的家里，算上我只有兩個孩子，我們有好多新鮮、健康的食物，而這些食物每次都堆滿我們的購物車。

這樣的食物理應屬于他們。

但是有時，上帝會讓善良的人受苦，讓惡人擁有力量。

她仍然來看我。

她知道我愛她，但是我仍然不知如何開口說“愛”這個字。

Love at First Light