作文優(yōu)化六大原則

龔磊 陳慈明

首先讓我們來看一道作文題：

假定你是李華，暑期時間到尼泊爾（Nepal）參假國際志愿者支教活動，請用英文給國際志愿者組織網(wǎng)站www.volunteerheq.org寫信介紹支教情況。主要內(nèi)容包括：

1. 擔任化學教師，實驗課讓同學們了解了很多神秘的現(xiàn)象；

2. 盡管當?shù)貨]有電，也沒有自來水，沒有課本，但是你適應了艱苦的生活條件；

3. 支教活動讓你收益，讓你更懂得理解和幫助別人；

4. 號召更多的同學參加志愿者活動。

注意：1. 詞數(shù)不少于100；

2. 書信格式及開頭均已給出；

3. 適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

請同學們比較以下兩篇作文：

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， I worked as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. This experience made me learn about the local life in Nepal. Now， Im writing this e-mail to show you my unforgettable experience there.

Although there is no tap water， electricity or textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living conditions and teaching. Im proud that I taught some useful knowledge in my chemistry experiment lessons. In fact， my voluntary job not only rewarded the local people but also improved myself. It has helped me understand the meaning of helping the others in need.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， so I call on more and more students to join in this activity and more voluntary activities should be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing more voluntary experiences.

Yours，

LiHua

Dear Sir and Madam，

Im a high school student from China， Its a privilege for me to serve as a volunteer teacher in Chemistry in Nepal during this summer vacation. Honestly speaking， this impressive experience made it possible for me to learn about the local life in Nepal in the flesh. Now， Im writing the E-mail to picture my unforgettable life there.

Faced with the fact that there is no rap water， electricity or even no textbooks， I managed to adapt myself to the poor living and teaching conditions. Actually， what made me proud was that I introduced them to some practical problems in my chemistry experiment lesson， which used to be mysteries to the local students. Their thrilled and amazed expressions will never fade away from my memory. In reality， not only did my voluntary job reward the local people but also improved myself， which is what people say “mutual progress”. Moreover， it has promoted my awareness and understanding of assisting the others in need. Accordingly， I also have a better understanding of the saying： Rose given， fragrance in hand.

The voluntary job has benefited me a lot， and therefore I advocate that more and more students should participate in this career and more voluntary activities be organized by www.volunteerheq.org.

Im looking forward to sharing some more voluntary experiences.

Yours

Li Hua

通過對比，同學們可以明顯發(fā)現(xiàn)修改后的第二篇文章涵蓋的要點更全面，語言更地道、流暢。那我們要如何做到這一點呢？筆者認為，我們在寫作中遵循以下幾條原則，能夠讓作文質(zhì)量快速提升，抓住閱卷老師的眼球：

1. 小詞語原則。所謂小詞語原則，就是少用那些空泛的大詞，如一說到“好”就是nice， good等，多用能表達特定意義的小詞（高級詞匯）。意義范圍越小，詞語越高級，表達意義也就越準確。如表達“美麗的”時候，fantastic，superb， awesome， impressive， breathtaking， spectacular， splendid都是不錯的選擇。而學會靈活地使用不同詞語來表達同一含義，也會讓你的文章更高級。如下例：

有人對林書豪（Jeremy Lin）的未來發(fā)展進行了一項社會調(diào)查。請你根據(jù)調(diào)查結果寫一篇150 詞的英語短文：

[為什么能成功？＼&有人認為是因為勤奮；

有人認為是因為天賦；

有人認為是因為教育；

有人認為是因為運氣。＼&是否會超越姚明？＼&你的觀點及理由。＼&]

這篇書面表達的一大難點在于用不同詞語表達“有人認為是因為勤奮；有人認為是因為天賦；有人認為是因為教育；有人認為是因為運氣?！蔽覀儊砘仡櫼幌卤磉_同一個意思的不同表達方式：

有人認為 Some people think/consider/argue ... its believed that ...

因為 because of/owing to/due to/on account of ... because ...

例文 Some people think he is successful owing to his hard work. However， Some people consider his talent as a main factor of his success. And its also believed that the good education he has received leads to his success. But some people argue that he has achieved success just because he is lucky.

2. 巧用特殊句式原則。英語中的有不少漂亮的句式結構，如強調(diào)句，倒裝句，雙重否定句等。恰當使用這些句式，能夠讓文章氣場強大，脫穎而出。按照句式不同，以下一個順口溜可以幫助同學們快速記住使用這些帥呆了的“靚句”。

（1）肯定不如雙否好

You can pass the exam with effort.

→You cant pass the exam without effort.

（2）主動不如被動高

Some people say this kind of milk contains different levels of nutrients.

→Some people say different levels of nutrients are contained in this kind of milk.

（3）陳述不如倒裝巧

Su not only said many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

→Not only did Su say many mean words to Li but also he shouted at the top of his voice.

（4）單句不如復句妙

Su Hua and Li Jiang played basketball on the playground. They both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

→Su Hua and Li Jiang were playing basketball on the playground when they both jumped up to catch the flying ball.

（5）從句不如短句傲

After I finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

→Having finished my homework， I often relaxed myself by playing computer games.

注意以上句式使用要根據(jù)實際需要選用，使用時要與上下文協(xié)調(diào)。不可盲目堆砌。

3. 長短句交替原則。在寫作當中，交替使用長短句、簡單句和復合句，可以使句子讀起來朗朗上口，看上去錯落有致，可以提升文章的節(jié)奏感和可讀性，而多樣化的句式能夠顯示出作者較強的語言基本功，達到提升作文檔次的目的。如下面這篇根據(jù)2015年新課標Ⅰ卷作文題所寫的作文：

Dear Peter，

Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture. We are in great need of such articles. Thats why Im writing to you.

The “foreign cultures” section carries articles written by foreign friends about the cultures of their countries. And we would especially welcome articles about the life of Americans senior-high and how Americans spend their holidays as well as festivals. In addition， you can introduce a western festival， such as Christmas， the Independence Day and so on. In a word， you can write anything relevant so long as its is interesting and informative. Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time.

Looking forward to your replay.

Yours

Li Hua

本篇習作除注意到使用諸如broaden ones horizons， in great need of等短語，從詞語搭配上提高層次外，在句子搭配上也頗費心思。如開頭一句Recently，in order to broaden our horizons， our school newspaper， which is very popular among us students， will start a column about western life and culture.”將副詞、目的狀語、定語從句等有機結合起來，讀起來朗朗上口；再如文章結尾Whats more， your article should be at least 400 words. I would appreciate it if you could send it to us before June 28th， so that it can be published in time. 采用簡單句加固定句式would appreciate it if ... 以及so that ... 從句的方式，可以算是“閃亮收官”。

4. 銜接緊湊原則。英語作文中，句與句、段與段之間，缺少必要的銜接詞語會使文章顯得結構松散，前后關系不清，影響文章的流暢性和完整性。根據(jù)英語銜接詞的特點，我們可以重點掌握一些，并常換常新，如以下一些銜接詞：

起 first of all， to begin/start with， in the first place， first and foremost ...

承 second（ly）， furthermore， moreover， whats more， in addition， besides ...

轉(zhuǎn) but， however， on the contrary， nonetheless， in contrast/comparison， nevertheless ...

合 hence， therefore， in conclusion， to conclude， in a word， last but not least ...

插入語 that is to say， to a certain extent， to some degree， as a matter of fact ...

下面這篇短文便是恰如其分地使用銜接詞的一個典范：

Nowadays， many students are puzzled by a problem， that is， how could we improve the composition？ Here are my suggestions.

First of all， we should accumulate as many advanced words as possible. Secondly， applying them to our composition properly. However， that doesnt mean we should always adopt the same word. Sometimes， using diverse words to express the same meaning can brighten our composition.

Besides， some advanced sentences are necessary. But some students think the more advanced sentences， the better. Thats not ture. Only by combining various sentence patterns appropriately can we create excellent compositions.

In a word， making use of “cohesion” is essential. Last but not least， practice makes perfect！

5. 活用格言習語原則。在英語寫作當中，使用與文章主題相一致的名人名言習語、諺語，亦或是發(fā)人深省的哲理警句，往往對文章起著畫龍點睛的作用。如以下作文片段：

Our future is determined by many things， such as opportunities and help from others， but our own attitude， determination and hard work play the most important role. Were the master of our own future. Just as the saying goes， “God helps those who help themselves.”

6. 整潔分段原則。為使文章條理清晰，文章應有明確的段落劃分。高考作文一般分成三到四段即可。落實到書面上，則要求書寫整齊美觀，卷面整潔，給閱卷老師留下好的第一印象。

總而言之，優(yōu)秀作文的產(chǎn)生在于平時的日積月累和有效的寫作方法。而以上幾條原則，可有效提升作文檔次，令你取得滿意的考試成績。