迷失在社交媒體的自疑漩渦中，你怎么辦?

The other day， I was so pleased with an apricot-1）almond smoothie I made that I decided to post it on Instagram. First， though， I browsed friends’ feeds. Fortyfive minutes later， I was almost dizzy from the endless 2）slide show of the Perfect Life： one person serenely paddleboarding （“3）Got the hang of it after one lesson！”）， another lounging on a hotel bed （“Just had the Best. Massage. Ever.”）. Oh， and a smoothie—this one 4）perched on a hibiscus-covered balcony overlooking a Caribbean beach. I grabbed my phone and deleted the photo of my now 5）schlumpy drink.

These days， it’s gotten impossible to not feel like you’re being 6）one-upped online. You ran a 5K？ Big deal， when your co-worker posts pictures of her half marathon...for charity. Meanwhile， social media users have perfected the art of simultaneously moaning and boasting，aka moasting： “Someone just asked me what I was studying in college—hello， I’m 34！”

I realize these posts and pretty pictures are often selected and edited. So why do I still have that constant， dispiriting feeling that my own life pales in comparison？ In fact， researchers are discovering that 7）being immersed in everyone else’s general awesomeness online can be mentally bad for you. A study from the University of Michigan showed that the more time we browse Facebook， the more our sense of well-being drops and lonely feelings jump. One German study reported that after people spent time on Facebook， a full one-third felt frustrated， upset， or envious.（Friends’ vacation 8）snaps 9）riled them up the most.）

This feeling is intensified as we increasingly take our relationships online， says psychologist Gregory Jantz， PhD， author of Hooked： The Pitfalls of Media， Technology， and Social Networking. “One of the biggest groups of Facebook users is women age 32 to 45，” he notes， “and about 35% of the younger ones admit that the first thing they do after they crawl out of bed， before they go to the bathroom， is check Facebook.” Adding to our neediness is the addictive—and sometimes 10）maniacal—pursuit of “likes.” According to one consumer-trends survey， 62% of people say they feel better about themselves when others approve of something they post on social media. The 11）flip side is the insecurity that creeps in when only a few people “like” your photo， and the jealousy you feel when a friend’s photo gets a flurry of thumbs-up.

Of course， it’s human nature to want to present your best self to the world. The ancient Egyptians threw on 12）kohl liner and their most stylish linen 13）tunic before hitting the market. “There’s something 14）alluring about creating an online persona that says， ‘I’m interesting， I have a well-kept home， I eat good food—this is my life！’”says Andrea Bonior， PhD， 15）adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University. “We 16）look to our social media profiles to validate what we want to believe about ourselves.” Yet this 17）fluff festival can lead to anxiety about being exposed as a 18）fraud， as in living in fear that a high school pal will comment， “Haha， I remember when you had a much larger nose！” beneath your glamourous picture.

To end the jolts of jealousy， Jantz has a suggestion. When you read a post that leaves you feeling less than ideal， remember that we all 19）scrupulously control our self-image. I know it’s true. Recently， I posted a picture of myself and someone commented， “You look amazing！”Well， yes； that’s because I held the camera so high above my head （whereas if I look down at my phone， my reflection bears a startling likeness to Donald Trump）.

It also helps to be aware of what sets off self-doubt.“If you hate your old kitchen， maybe you shouldn’t repeatedly check out Mary’s kitchen renovation，” Bonior says. My downfall is others’ fitness triumphs. A few shots of a friend’s 20）cyclo-cross race are inspiring； scrolling through hundreds makes me think ‘Why bother？’ and 21）shuffle off to the couch. Timing is another trigger. I look at these fabulous pics before bed， when I’m tired and need to decompress—exactly when I feel the most sensitive.

Another cyber solution is to fully get behind your posts. As Bonior says， “You can choose to use others’experiences as a yardstick， or you can believe your standards are valid 22）in and of themselves.” Also， back away from the computer—often. “Relationships are best conducted in real life，” Jantz says， “not 140-character 23）sound bites.”

Jantz’s words were on my mind when I saw a friend’s Instagram shots of a trip to Greece. Instead of caving in to jealousy， I called and told her that her photos were like a 24）Ralph Lauren ad. She laughed and said， “Don’t look too close or you’ll see that my eyes are red.” Ten minutes beforehand， she and her husband had had a big money fight； the trip， she 25）conceded， was great but had been a costly mistake.

Now if insecurity sneaks up on me while I’m online， I take it as a sign to switch gears and go for a run， make another 26）unphotogenic smoothie or check out the YouTube clip my mother sent of， say， a squirrel eating an ice cream cone. Also， maybe I’ll avoid Beyoncé’s Instagram account altogether.

前幾天，我對自己做的杏仁奶昔感到十分滿意，所以打算把它的照片傳到Instagram上。但在這之前，我先瀏覽了朋友們發的照片。四十五分鐘以后，我被那沒完沒了的“完美生活”幻燈片放映弄得頭暈目眩—— 一個人沉穩地劃著沖浪板（“上了一堂課后就學會了！”），另一個人慵懶地躺在一張酒店的床上（“剛剛享受了有生以來最棒的一次按摩。”）。天，還有一杯奶昔—— 一杯擺放在俯瞰著加勒比海灘，被木槿所覆蓋的陽臺上的奶昔。我拿起手機刪掉了我這張此刻顯得蠢斃了的飲料照片。

如今，要在網上勝人一籌成為了不可能的事情。你跑了五公里？很了不起！但這時，你同事發了一些她跑半程馬拉松比賽的照片……還是慈善賽來著。同時，社交媒體的用戶已經熟練掌握了一套通過抱怨來夸耀自己的說話方式，明貶實褒的說話方式：“有人剛剛問了我正在讀什么專業——拜托，我三十四歲了！”

我知道這些帖子和漂亮的照片通常都是經過精心挑選、美化編輯的。但為什么在與之比較下我還是會不可抑制地產生一種無盡的沮喪感，感覺自己的人生如此蒼白無力呢？事實上，研究人員發現，在網上讓自己陷在別人的美好生活中會對自己的心理健康有害。密歇根大學的一項研究表明，我們瀏覽臉譜網的時間越長，我們的幸福感就降得越低、孤獨感就升得越高。德國的一項研究表明，在我們上完臉譜網后，有整整三分之一的人會感到沮喪、郁悶、或者妒忌。（朋友的度假照片最能引起他們的惱怒。