奧巴馬：我的為父之道

在3.2億美國人眼中，他是一國之首，每天操心的是醫(yī)療和教育，是社會保障和國家安全。而對于這3.2億人中的兩個人來說，他是最親近的家人，關(guān)心的是所有父親都關(guān)心的問題：功課有沒有做完？學(xué)校里發(fā)生了什么趣事？2016年，奧巴馬將結(jié)束為期八年的總統(tǒng)生涯，而“父親”這一身份卻將伴隨他一生。

When you’re the President of the United States， you’re surrounded at all times—by aides， by press， by Secret Service1）， by crowds. It’s a bubble that’s hard to escape.

That’s what makes the people with whom you surround yourself in those rare private moments all the more2） important.

It just so happens that I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by women. They’re the most important people in my life. They’re the people who’ve shaped me the most. And in this job， they are my sanctuary3）.

People often ask me whether being President has made it more difficult to spend time with Michelle and our girls. But the surprising truth is that being in the White House has made our family life more “normal” than it’s ever been.

When Malia was born， Michelle and I were fortunate enough to spend a blissful three months mostly at home with our baby girl. But then Michelle went back to work part time， and I returned to my schedule of teaching at the University of Chicago law school and serving in the state legislature. This meant that I would often be away in Springfield for three days at a time. Even when I was home in Chicago， I had papers to grade and briefs to write and evening meetings to attend.

As professionals， we were blessed with the resources for things like reliable child care and takeout when we were too exhausted to cook. Our jobs afforded us the kind of flexibility that many working families simply don’t have. Still， we each had a truckload of student debt， which meant that when we got married， we got poorer together. So we were counting every penny to manage our household bills， pay our student loans and maintain a full-time babysitter. The combined pressures sometimes put a real strain on our marriage， as they do for many working parents with young kids. After Sasha was born， Michelle was working while juggling4） our home life. I helped out， and I saw myself as a pretty enlightened guy. But the truth was， I helped on my terms and on my schedule， and the expectations and the burden disproportionately—and unfairly—fell on Michelle， as happens to many women.

Fortunately， we had the help of my wonderful mother-in-law， Marian， who lived just a few minutes away. Still， Michelle was understandably stressed and frustrated， and I suspect she felt a little like a single mom sometimes. Things didn’t get any easier when I was elected to the Senate and had to commute back and forth to Washington every week. Then our lives were thrown completely out of balance during a presidential campaign that kept me on the road almost constantly—leaving Michelle to carry an even heavier load for longer stretches of time.

That’s why I call her the rock of our family—because she is. She always has been.

Still， we didn’t know what to expect when I became President. We knew I might have even less time for our family. We knew that uprooting Malia and Sasha from their friends and school and community in Chicago would be challenging. So for good measure5）， we brought Marian with us to ease the transition and to be with them when Michelle and I couldn’t.

But to our surprise， moving to the White House was really the first time since the girls were born that we’ve been able to gather as a family almost every night. Michelle and I can go to parent-teacher conferences together. I’ve been able to make Malia’s tennis matches and Sasha’s dance recitals. Sasha let me help coach her basketball team—the Vipers. They won the title. I’ve even experienced what all dads dread： watching my daughter go to her first prom. In high heels.

So it’s not always easy being a father of teenage girls. But it is pretty good to live above the store.

Even with our jam-packed6） days， Michelle and I work hard to carve out certain blocks of family time that are sacrosanct7）. For example， at 6：30 p.m.， no matter how busy I am， I leave work to go upstairs and have dinner with my family. That’s inviolable8）. My staff knows that it pretty much takes a national emergency to keep me away from that dinner table. As a night owl9）， I’d rather stay up late reading briefings and working on speeches after everybody has gone to bed anyway.

So for an hour or so at dinner， my focus is not on my day， but on theirs. I ask Sasha and Malia the usual annoying parental questions： How was school？ What are your friends up to？ Have you done your homework？ What are you thinking about？ In return， they spend a lot of time teasing me about my big ears or stodgy10） suits—and Michelle is always happy to join them.

Now they’re at an age when they’re well-informed， so they often ask me questions about issues. Like a lot of young people， for instance， they’re deeply interested in the environment. Like most in their generation， they take it for granted that people shouldn’t be treated differently because of their gender or race or sexual orientation or disability. They have every expectation that they and young women just like them can grow up to be anything they want to be. The highlight of my day is just listening to their thoughts about the world and seeing what smart， funny， kind young women they’ve become. That hour recharges me and gives me perspective. And those moments where I can just be Dad—even if it’s “Daaaaaaad”—well， there’s nothing better.

Michelle does her best to preserve that time， and it has made a huge difference. Like I said， she’s our rock. Whatever comes up， I know that they’ll be there for me. And I will always be there for them. These days， the girls occasionally miss a night because they’re so busy with school and activities. And like many parents of high school juniors who are excitedly touring college campuses， I’m already dreading that empty seat at the table when Malia goes off to school next fall. I can feel myself lingering at the table a little longer， trying to stave off11） the passage of time. But for as long as possible， I’m going to enjoy every minute of finally having us all together under one roof.

First Lady Nancy Reagan once wrote， “Nothing can prepare you for living in the White House.” She was right， of course. Nothing can prepare you. But your family can sustain you.

身為美國總統(tǒng)，你的身邊每時每刻都有人圍繞—助手、媒體、特工以及民眾。這是一個難以逃離的氣泡。

正因為如此，能在少有的私人時間里圍繞在你身邊的人就變得格外重要。

恰好我非常幸運，圍繞在我身邊的人都是女性。她們是我生命中最重要的人，是對我影響最深的人。在我擔(dān)任總統(tǒng)的日子里，她們就是我的避風(fēng)港。

人們經(jīng)常問我，當(dāng)總統(tǒng)以后是不是更難有時間和米歇爾還有女兒們相處了。但事實卻令人驚訝：入住白宮使我們的家庭生活比以往任何時候都“正常”。

馬莉婭出生以后，我和米歇爾非常幸運地和我們的寶貝女兒共度了三個月的幸福時光，大部分時間都待在家里。但后來，米歇爾返回兼職工作的崗位，而我也按計劃回到芝加哥大學(xué)法學(xué)院做教學(xué)工作并供職于州議會。這意味著我要經(jīng)常離開家去斯普林菲爾德，一去就是三天。即便是在芝加哥的家里，我也要批改論文，寫案情摘要，晚上還要開會。

作為職業(yè)人士，我們很幸運地?fù)碛幸恍┴斄Γ梢载?fù)擔(dān)諸如可靠的兒童看護(hù)以及實在太累不想做飯時的外賣食物。我們的工作使我們得以擁有許多工薪家庭所不具備的靈活性。盡管如此，我們各自都背負(fù)著沉重的學(xué)生貸款，這意味著結(jié)婚后我們在一起反而更窮了。因此，我們每一分錢都需要精打細(xì)算來應(yīng)付家庭支出，還學(xué)生貸款，雇全職保姆。各種壓力交織在一起，有時真的會讓我們的婚姻關(guān)系很緊張，正如許多孩子尚小的在職父母所經(jīng)歷的一樣。薩莎出生后，米歇爾在工作之余盡力照應(yīng)家庭生活。我也會幫幫忙，而且自認(rèn)為是個很開明的人。但事實上，我只會根據(jù)自己的條件和時間來幫忙，于是期望和壓力特別多地落在了米歇爾的身上，這對她而言很不公平。這也是很多女性的遭遇。

所幸，我那能干的岳母瑪麗安一直在幫我們，她住的地方離我家只有幾分鐘的路程。但米歇爾仍然感到壓力重重，灰心喪氣，這可以理解，我懷疑她有時可能覺得自己像個單身媽媽。入選參議院后，我不得不每周往返于芝加哥和華盛頓之間，情況并沒有變得輕松一點。后來，在競選總統(tǒng)期間，我?guī)缀趺繒r每刻都在外奔波，我們的生活便徹底失去了平衡—米歇爾在更長的一段時間里承受了更加沉重的負(fù)擔(dān)。

這就是為什么我稱她為我們家的基石—因為她確實是。她一直都是。

不過，在我成為總統(tǒng)時，我們并不知道會發(fā)生什么。我們知道我與家人在一起的時間可能會變得更少。我們知道讓馬莉婭和薩莎離開在芝加哥的朋友、學(xué)校和社區(qū)是一個挑戰(zhàn)。因此，為了保險起見，我們讓瑪麗安也一起過來，以緩和過渡期的不適應(yīng)，讓她在我和米歇爾不在的時候陪伴兩個孩子。

然而，出乎我們意料的是，搬進(jìn)白宮使得我們幾乎每晚都能全家團(tuán)聚，這實在是女兒們出生后的第一次。我和米歇爾可以一起參加家長會。我可以出席馬莉婭的網(wǎng)球比賽，觀看薩莎的舞蹈演出。薩莎還讓我協(xié)助訓(xùn)練她的籃球隊—“毒蛇”隊。她們得了冠軍。我甚至還經(jīng)歷了所有父親都會有的擔(dān)心：看著我的女兒參加她人生中的第一場畢業(yè)舞會，而且穿著高跟鞋。

所以做十幾歲女孩的父親并不總是一件容易的事。但是樓下工作樓上住的感覺真的很棒。

即便是日程滿滿，我和米歇爾也會努力留出一些不可侵犯的家庭時間。例如，每晚六點半，不論多忙，我都會放下工作，上樓和家人共進(jìn)晚餐。這是雷打不動的。我的工作人員都知道，恐怕只有全國緊急狀態(tài)才能讓我離開那張餐桌。作為一個夜貓子，我反正也更喜歡等所有人都睡覺后再熬夜看簡報，準(zhǔn)備演講。

在一小時左右的晚餐時間里，我的關(guān)注點不在我一天的工作上，而是在她們身上。我問薩莎和馬莉婭那些招人煩卻常被父母們掛在嘴邊的問題：在學(xué)校過得怎么樣？朋友們在忙什么呢？作業(yè)做完了嗎？在想些什么呢？反過來，她們很多時候都會調(diào)侃我的大耳朵或是樣式難看的西裝—米歇爾也往往樂此不疲地加入其中。

如今，她們處在一個消息靈通的年紀(jì)，因此她們經(jīng)常問我一些與重要議題相關(guān)的問題。比如，和大多數(shù)年輕人一樣，她們對環(huán)境問題非常感興趣。和大多數(shù)同齡人一樣，她們理所當(dāng)然地認(rèn)為人們不應(yīng)因為性別、種族、性取向或是殘疾而受到差別對待。她們期望自己以及像她們一樣的年輕女性能成長為她們想成為的任何樣子。我一天中最享受的時刻就是傾聽她們對于世界的看法，看到她們變成了多么聰明、風(fēng)趣而又友善的年輕女性。那一個小時的時光讓我重新充滿能量，帶給我新的認(rèn)識。在那段時間里，我可以只做一位父親，即使是她們口中的“老—爸”，沒有什么比這更美好了。

米歇爾盡全力保留這段家人共處時光，這對我們產(chǎn)生了重大影響。正如我所說的，她是我們的基石。不論發(fā)生什么，我都知道她們會在我的身邊，而我也會一直在她們身邊。這些日子，女兒們偶爾會缺席一個晚上，因為她們要忙于學(xué)業(yè)和各種活動。高三（編注：美國高中為四年制）的學(xué)生們正興致勃勃地參觀各個大學(xué)的校園，而我和許多高三學(xué)生的家長一樣，已經(jīng)開始害怕馬莉婭明年秋天去上大學(xué)后餐桌旁會空出來的位置。我能感覺到自己會在餐桌旁停留得更久一些，試圖讓時間放慢腳步。但我還是會盡可能長地享受我們終于能合家團(tuán)聚的每一分鐘。

第一夫人南希·里根曾經(jīng)寫道：“你無法為住進(jìn)白宮做好準(zhǔn)備。”當(dāng)然，她說得沒錯，你無法做準(zhǔn)備。但你的家人會給你支撐。

1. Secret Service：特工處（指美國負(fù)責(zé)保護(hù)總統(tǒng)及其家人的政府部門）

2. all the more：越發(fā)，格外，更加

3. sanctuary [?s??kt?u?ri] n. 避難所，庇護(hù)所

4. juggle [?d??ɡ（?）l] vt. 力圖使平衡;盡力對付

5. for good measure：作為外加（或意外）的東西;為了保險起見

6. jam-packed：擠得滿滿的，塞得緊緊的

7. sacrosanct [?s?kr???s??kt] adj. 極其神圣的;不可侵犯的

8. inviolable [?n?va??l?b（?）l] adj. 不可侵犯的;不可違背的

9. night owl：晚睡的人;夜里工作的人

10. stodgy [?st?d?i] adj. （衣服等）不時髦的，式樣難看的

11. stave off：防止;延遲