飛機上的八種噩夢般的鄰座

Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.

首先我要澄清一點：我天生是個樂觀友善的人，不易發怒。但在飛機上遇到噩夢般的鄰座卻是令我忍無可忍的事。

1. The Sleeping Beauty

1.“睡美人”

Airplane seats are uncomfortable， restricting and not equipped to be shared， so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. You could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails， place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because， well， it’s better than sharing your shoulder.

飛機座位通常不太舒適且空間狹小僅能容一人。鄰座熟睡時總會不知不覺把腦袋往你身上靠，你卻像玩蹺蹺板似的，小心翼翼撐住這個“睡美人”。無計可施時，拿毯子或頸枕擋在中間，總好過讓他來分享你的肩膀。

2. The Talker

2. 話癆

Earplugs. This Chatty Cathy might be looking to make a friend， find a romance in the air or just wants to tell you all about how her daughter just moved to Chicago and is “loving it！”. Whatever the motive is， this person genuinely wants to make some sort of sky-high connection and is sure to be so taken aback by your rude， uninterested behavior that she will shut down. Arm yourself with something to drown out the sound so you can send a signal that this plane ride is all about sleeping.

戴上耳機是個辦法。這位“喋喋不休的凱西”可能想交個朋友，或來場高空艷遇，或只是想告訴你她女兒剛搬去芝加哥，是如何熱愛那座城市云云。無論動機為何，這個人就是想套近乎，如果你表現得不禮貌或興趣寡然，她就會閉嘴。用耳機這樣的東西武裝自己，蓋住那說話聲，以便傳遞出一個信息：乘飛機時只想睡覺。

3. The ADHD Child

3. “多動癥兒童”

It’s not cute when a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane at 3 am. It might make you the grinch from 10，000 feet above sea level， but throw on your snooze mask before the kid has a chance to make eye contact. He is not so innocent.

凌晨3點，身邊陌生乘客的小孩卻準備打開話匣子和你交個朋友，這可一點也不可愛。這可能會讓你在海拔1萬英尺的高空興致敗壞。這時你只能裝睡，不讓他有機可乘。他可沒有表面上看來那么天真無邪。

4. The Snorer

4. 打鼾者

As painfully obvious as the snorer is on this list of nightmares， he or she is equally as hard to spot. You will already be strapped in and mid-air before this literal loud mouth assaults the quiet air. The real question in this situation is： to tap， or not to tap？ There’s nothing worse than being startled awake， so we suggest gently nudging this person and then quickly pretending it wasn’t you， or blaming it on someone else. “Oh， the snacks were coming around， they wanted to know if you wanted some Popchips！”

打鼾者是這個怪咖清單上極常見的一種，但是你卻很難發現他（她）。你系好安全帶飛上高空時，刺耳的鼾聲便打破了空中的寂靜。當你隔壁鼾聲陣陣時，真正的問題來了：要不要拍醒他（她）？要知道沒有什么比被驚醒更糟糕的了。建議你輕輕推醒他（她），然后馬上假裝成若無其事的樣子，或推說乘務員剛過來問他（她）是否需要來點薯片什么的。

5. The Smelly Food Eater

5. “怪味食客”

Travelers are boarding with bagged lunches or dinners more and more often. We totally support saving money and being prepared， but we can’t support food that tickles our senses. Be polite and opt for cold or room-temperature bites. Eat early up in the flight and dispose of your trash quickly.

現在帶餐登機的旅客越來越多。節約錢和做好準備無可非議。但請別選擇熱食或有刺激性氣味的食物。在飛機上盡早吃完所帶食物，并立刻處理好垃圾才是禮貌的做法。

6. The Diva

6.“大牌女神”

Here is one frequent flier you actually can spot from a mile away. She’s toting designer luggage （and needs your help to store it）， expects everyone on the plane to work for her and is the last to switch her cell phone into Airplane Mode. You have two options： be a good Samaritan and assist her when she asks things of you or steer her towards her other neighbor. It won’t drown her out， but it will make her someone else’s problem！

這種人能經常碰到，而且你大老遠就能把她們辨別出來。她手拉名牌行李箱（需要你幫她放好），希望飛機上的每個人都來為她服務，而且總是最后一個把手機調成飛行模式。你有兩個選擇：你可以選擇當好人做好事；也可以把這個包袱踢給別人，自然有人領受。

7. The Excessive Drinker

7. 酒鬼

There’s nothing wrong with slurping down a nice， stiff drink， but if you aren’t headed to Vegas， an in-flight over-imbiber isn’t cool. This hazard can escalate quickly： it’s loud， violates your personal space and you are likely to wake a zonked-out and unwelcome cuddler， unaware excretion spewer or even worse （uh， use your imagination）. Make friends with a flight attendant and make sure this wasted rider gets cut off before the fourth drink.

在飛機上適度喝點酒也無可厚非，但若你不是去維加斯，在飛機上遇見個酒鬼就不是什么妙事了。事態會迅速愈演愈烈的：在飛機上鬧鬧嚷嚷，侵犯你的個人空間。你可能會不得不去叫醒神志不清趴在你身上睡覺的醉鬼，他可能還會迷迷糊糊地不斷嘔吐，甚至更糟（啊，發揮你的想象力吧）。建立與乘務員的友好關系，以確保鄰座喝酒不超過三杯。

8. The In-Flight Primper

8. 空中化妝者

She seems like your average gal and then an hour before touch-down her in-flight tray looks like her bathroom counter. She’s doing her nails （oh that smell?。?and trying to apply mascara through turbulence. And then she drops her lipstick on your jeans and asks you if you think she looks pretty. Just say yes. It’s easier than the truth.

她看起來是個很普通的女孩。飛機還有一小時要著陸的時候，身邊這位姑娘就會搬出她的“化妝臺”。她涂指甲油時那個氣味呀！飛機顛簸的時候還刷睫毛膏，還將口紅掉你褲子上。她問你她漂不漂亮，就說漂亮吧，這比說實話省事。