養兒之道

The high cost of parent is not unique to China. Though their parenting way is often praised and learned from by Chinese parents， foreign parents are not as carefree as they are imagined.

育兒成本高并不是中國獨有的現象，國外育兒方式雖常被中國父母盛贊和效仿，但其實外國父母們也并不是想象中那般無憂無慮。

It costs highly to raise children in abroad and governments help

國外育兒價不菲，政府幫忙養孩子

Nine years ago， a survey of more than 2，000 British adults conducted by showed： old mothers， increasing housing prices and soaring cost of education of children had made British families \"shrink\". The one of every 5 interviewed couples decided not to have children. Among the people who did not want to have a family， 37% believed that it was because they did not want to compromise on their own way of living， while the other 15% were people who had to postpone the plan of having a family due to living expenses. Among the respondents， a small number of people were very eager to have more children， but delayed it because of funding problems. More than one third of the age of 25 to 34 years old were postponing their plan to have children due to funding problems and some 24% of the people had been waiting for more than 5 years. How much is the cost of children in Britain？ According to a research result provided by CEBR for the Vitoria Insurance Company in Liverpool， the cost of child rearing of a British family （from birth to 21 years old） is up to 230，000 pounds， 82，000 pounds more than that of ten years ago. The research found that many British families， in order to save money， reduce the cost of buying toys or even food for their children， but even so， the savings are still unable to fill the gap caused by the rising cost of children.

The Costs of Kids Report released in 2013 by Australia's Suncorp Metway Bank showed that their cost of kids climbed to 250 AUD per week， including 12 costs such as that of food， health care and education and so on. The cost of the age of 17 from the birth of a child to 18 years old is the most expensive. Monique Reynolds， Regional Manager of the bank said that costs of kids are increasing at an surprising rate and in the past year， cost of nursing and health care of children rose by 17%， much faster than the rising speed of consumer price index. In different stages， infants cost 220 AUD every week； children cost 185 AUD a week spent； pupils cost 180 AUD every week and teenage costs as high as 258 AUD every week. Calculated like this， the average annual cost kids in Australia is almost up to 10000 AUD， and it takes 180000 AUD for raising a child to 18 years old.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture had assessment in 2014 on the national cost of children. According to the report， from the time a child was born to 18 years old， the parents of a middle-income family would spent more than 245，000 USD for the child. The cost of kids was affected by region and income. The cost of child of the family that lived in the northeastern of the U.S. could be as high as 455，000 USD， while those families living in low-income areas could spend much less， with about 145，500 USD. Yet the cost of university was not included in these numbers， and the cost of university education was rising year by year. However， the report also said， in that toys and clothes could be reused and pursing more food would be cheaper， raising more children would lower the cost. A family with 3 or more than 3 children cost 22% less than a family with two.

早在九年前，英國斯基普頓房屋互助委員會對兩千多名英國成年人進行的調查顯示：高齡母親、住房價格上揚以及加速上漲的子女教育費用正迫切使英國家庭“縮水”。受訪的每5對夫婦中就有1對決心不要孩子。在不打算組建家庭的受訪者中，37%認為這是因為他們不愿就自己的生活方式做出妥協，而另外的15%則是因生活開支而不得不將組建家庭的計劃推遲。受訪者中，也有人極度渴望生育更多子女，但因資金問題被迫將時間后延。年齡在25歲到34歲之間的受訪者中，超過三分之一的人都因資金問題已經或正在推延要小孩的時間，其中甚至有約24%的人已為此等待了5年以上的時間。英國的育兒成本有多高呢？根據英國經濟和商業中心（CEBR）近期為利物浦維多利亞保險公司出具的一份研究結果表明，一個英國家庭的育兒經費（從孩子出生到21歲）高達23萬英鎊，比十年前增加了8.2萬英鎊。經過研究發現，很多英國家庭為了節省開支，削減了為孩子購買玩具甚至是食物的開支，但即便是這樣，省下來的部分開支仍舊無法填補價格不斷上漲的育兒項目。

澳大利亞SuncorpMetway銀行2013年發布的育兒花費報告（Costs of Kids Report）表明，本國育兒消費已經攀升到每周250澳元，其中包含食品、健康和教育支出等12大支出項目。從孩子出生到18周歲的階段里17歲時的花費是最昂貴的。銀行區域總經理雷諾茲（Monique Reynolds）表示育兒費用正在以驚人的速度迅猛增長，在過去的一年里，兒童保育和健康護理花費上漲了17%，大大超出了消費者物價指數上升的速度。在孩子各階段花費中，嬰兒階段每周花費220澳元；兒童階段每周花費185澳元；小學階段每周花費180澳元；青少年階段每周花費更是高達258澳元。如此計算，澳大利亞平均每年在養育孩子的花費上達到了近1萬澳元，將一個小孩養育至18歲大約需要花費18萬澳元。

美國農業部在2014年也對全國育兒花費進行了預估。根據報告顯示，孩子從出生成長到18周歲，一個中等收入家庭的父母將要花費超過24.5萬美元來撫養他們的孩子。育兒費用支出受到區域和收入影響。住在美國東北部城市地區的家庭育兒經費可能高達45.5萬美元，但是生活在低收入地區的家庭花費會少很多，大概14.55萬美元。不過這些都沒有算上孩子在大學時期的花費，而且大學教育費用支出正在逐年上漲。但報告也稱，鑒于玩具和衣服可以重復利用，食物購買越多越實惠，因此養兒越多成本就越低。擁有3個及3個以上孩子的家庭，養兒成本比兩個孩子的家庭要低22%。

For most European countries and the U.S.， although the cost of children is rising， at the same time， some countries come up with following support of raising children for every family. In Europe， France is the country with the highest birth rate， which is the result of high subsidies of the country to families. The government spends 8.3% of the GDP every year to support the families who make a contribution to the country by giving birth. Therefore married French parents do not have to worry about whether they can afford to raise children or not. If the parents’ income is too low， the child can enjoy all kinds of social subsidies. For single-parent families， the subsidies their children receive from government can exceed the income of a single father or a single mother. In addition to high subsidies， France also formulated a lot of policies to encourage people to have more children. For example， through reducing tax and providing subsidies at the same time. Since personal income tax accounts for a high proportion of the income， living pressure for the married people is on the rise. But once they have children， the government will reduce part of the personal income tax， and a second child will even bring with the high subsides of government.

The British government also helps families with children. It provides 20.5 pounds children's welfare fund for the family with children every week， families with many children，can get 13.55 pounds for each child from the second child. To families with more than one child， it reduces the economic pressure on parents greatly. British newspaper once reported that a man who had 26 children got about 32678 pounds from governmental welfare projects. We will not discuss here whether it is moral for parents to make profit through children， but at least we can see that British government is comparatively generous in subsides of raising children.

對于多數歐美國家，盡管養育孩子的成本在不斷升高，但與此同時，部分國家對于每個家庭育兒開支的扶持也緊隨其后。在歐洲，法國是出生率最高的國家，這得益于國家對生育家庭給予的高額補助。政府每年花費國民生產總值的8.3%用來支持生育家庭對國家做出的貢獻。這使得法國已婚父母完全不用擔心生孩子養不起的問題。如果父母收入過低，孩子還能享受各種社會補助，對于單親家庭來說，孩子受到的政府補助更是有可能超過單親父親或單親母親的工資。在高額補助的同時，法國還制定了很多政策來鼓勵法國市民生育更多的孩子。例如通過減免稅收與補助并行的策略。由于法國個人所得稅占工資比例較高，已婚人士的生活壓力也在不斷上升。但生育孩子之后，政府將會減免部分個人所得稅，在生育第二個孩子之后便可以享受政府帶來的高額生育補助。

英國政府也對有孩子的家庭進行幫助，國家對生育家庭每周發放20.5鎊兒童福利基金，有多個孩子的家庭，從第二個孩子開始，每個孩子還能領取13.55鎊的支持。對于生育多個孩子的家庭來說，這大大減輕了父母的經濟壓力。英國就曾有報紙報道過男子靠生育26個子女在多個福利項目中領取政府福利補助約32678英鎊。這里暫且不去探討父母靠孩子謀取暴利的行為是否道德，但至少可以看到英國政府在對養育孩子的補助上是比較慷慨的。

Education cost is the main cost and we should be rational in raising child

教育支出占大頭，養娃還需靠理性

Compared with some countries that encourage people to have more children and provide subsides for children， Chinese people tend to rely on their own. Before the implementation of the Selective Two-child Policy ， it is very common for one family to have one child. The government also implement incentive policies for only-child families， providing only-child subsides which vary from region to region. However， dozens of RMB does no help to the huge cost for children nowadays. With the improvement of living standards， raising a child does not only lie in the level of \"raising\" and more money are spent on \"parenting\"， like other countries. However， the parenting cost of China is almost all borne by the parents， and sometimes even need to turn to the elder family members of the child's parents for financial support. According to the survey conducted by the magazine Family Baby， Guangdong Women's Federation and some other media and institutions， in the first generation of only-child families， parenting cost accounts for 85% of all the costs. Among them， education， health care and housing cost the most.

On the parenting forum of Sina， a father called \"big-head daddy” once listed his the monthly cost of his 4-year-old daughter （unit： RMB）： kindergarten nursery： 2000； meals： 400； piano： 600； roller skating： 200； traditional Chinese painting： 120； abacus： 240； babysitter： 1500； garments： 300； food and snacks： 400； toys， books and CD： 100； playing and watching shows： 100 （cost of companion of adults not included）； traveling： 200； education： 1500； milk powder： 100； medicine and treatment if she was sick. The monthly costs on average reaches 8，000 RMB， of which education cost is up to 60.8%. The parenting channel of Tencent got almost the same ratio from the questionnaires it got in Ji'nan. The interviewed people believed that education cost makes up the largest proportion in the total cost， for about 60%， followed by health care and insurance cost， which accounts for about 15%.

The increasing education investment is one of the most important factors of the rise of cost of children. Although China implements compulsory education of nine years， nowadays the education cost is far more than what it was before. On the one hand， it is related to the improvement of income of all the people and that \"money worths less and less\"， on the other hand， it is affected by the educational concept and the shortage of high-quality educational resources. The faith of \"Don't let the children fall behind at the starting line\" is a great pressure on the parent， like the bill post by \"big-head daddy\"， the little girl is on the path of “comprehensive development” composed by extra-curricular classes. Seeing that other people’s children attend a variety of classes， an extra-curricular classes， few parents can resist the temptation. In addition to the tuition of class itself， in order to compete for high-quality educational resources， buying house in the school district， paying fees to choose school and cost of giving gifts to people have become a heavy cost that parents are not avoid. In Guiyang， Momo’s mother moved three times in five years in order to make it convenient for her daughter to go to school， which is the vivid modern version of the \"Mencius' Mother Moves Her Home Three Times to Better Her Son's Education”. It can be seen that Momo’ mother spend great energy and large fortune to buy a house in school district to better her daughter’s education.

相對于一些國家鼓勵生育并發放育兒福利，中國人在生養小孩所需的經費上更多的是靠自己。在單獨二胎政策實施之前，一家一個孩子的現象極為普遍。政府也對獨生子女家庭實行獎勵政策，發放獨生子女保障費，發放標準根據地區差異而不同，但幾十元的保障費用對于如今龐大的育兒經費支出來說，只不過是杯水車薪。隨著生活水平的提高，育兒也不再只是停留在“養”這個層面，更多的支出同其他國家一樣，花費在“育”上。然而，中國育兒所產生的邊際成本幾乎全部由父母承擔，有的甚至需要求助于孩子父母的長輩來進行經濟支持。根據《家庭·育兒》雜志、廣東婦聯以及其它媒體和機關單位開展的調查顯示，在第一代獨生子女組成的家庭中，育兒支出占到了全部開支的85%。而其中，在教育、醫療和住房上花的錢最多。

在新浪育兒論壇上，一位名叫“大頭爸爸”的父親曾列出了他4歲女兒一個月的費用（單位：元）：幼兒園托費：2000；飯費：400；鋼琴：600；輪滑：200；國畫：120；珠心算：240：保姆費：1500；衣服：300；食物和零食：400；玩具、書和光盤：100；玩和看節目：100（不包括大人陪同的費用）；旅游：200；教育基金：1500；奶粉：100；如果生病，還要另外計算醫藥費。一年算下來，每個月平均近8000元，其中用于教育的費用高達60.8%。騰訊網育兒頻道在濟南的調查問卷中也顯示出幾乎一樣的支出比例。被訪者均認為教育支出在總支出中占的比例最大，大約占60%左右，其次是看病和買各種保險的花銷，大約占到15%。

教育方面投入的增高是生養孩子成本升高極為重要的因素之一。雖然中國推行九年制義務教育，但如今的教育成本遠遠大過從前。這一方面與經濟收入的整體水平提高以及“錢越來越不值錢”有關系，另一方面則受教育理念及優質教育資源短缺的影響。“不讓孩子輸在起跑線上”的信念成為壓在家長身上的大山，正如“大頭爸爸”曬出的賬單，小小年紀的女兒已經開始走上了“全面發展”的課外興趣班之路。看著別人的孩子狂報各種補習班、興趣班，很少有家長按捺得住。除了上課本身的費用外，為了爭奪優質教育資源，購買學區房、擇校費、人情送禮費也成為家長們繞不開的沉重成本。在貴陽的茉茉媽為了女兒上學方便，在五年之內搬了三次家，生動演繹了現代版的“孟母三遷”。可見為了買學區房方便女兒上學，茉茉媽在精力和金錢上都下足了本。

Nicholas Eberstadt， Demographer of American Enterprise Institute （AEI） said that \"The obvious fact is that great changes have taken place in people's views on family， children and the future. China is developing towards other low-fertility countries in East Asia， such as Japan， South Korea and so on.\" The website of Bloomberg once reported that many infant products are sold in China in much higher prices than that in the U.S.， partly because that Chinese parents are willing to spend a lot of money for their only offspring. WangFeng， Professor of sociology， University of California， Irvine thought， \"the Chinese parents have a common cultural values， which emphases on children's success. They do this through putting a large investment in children.\" Mrs Zhao who lives in Beijing said， \"I want to give the best of everything to my child”， but the result is that the best thing has very high price， and the pressure “soars\". This wish of giving their children the best resources is very common for Chinese parents. They do not want to let their children fall behind at the starting line， but the high cost also burden the parents with heavy pressure. Mrs Zhao feels frustrated with an income that is not high and a relatively high cost of children. Sometime she has to reduce her on expense to meet the needs of her child.

For most Chinese people， family has always been the focus of life and child is the core in the family. Many businessmen aims at such \"pain points\" of families， and make the parent-child consumption market popular without difficulty， making children as bait to empty the purse of their parents. But whether \" to give children the best of everything\" can surely bring \"the best result\"？ Lei Hong， Professor of Sociology Department of Huazhong University of Science and Technology thinks that giving all the best to children is to meet certain psychological needs of the adults， but there are unreasonable factors in the cost of children. Choosing school and choosing the best is the extra “supplement” that parents give their children， hoping to make them successful， and a lot of money is spent unnecessarily. The survey found that the economic investment for children is not necessarily proportional to their healthy growth. Over-encouraging of children to have high consumption will breed their desire to keep up with the Joneses and the concept that material comes first， which is bad for children's mental health， causing the deviation of and reality easily.

Compared with spoiling children with material， the investment of emotional education and quality education seems to be more effective. Some of the more \"successful\" parents say that they pay more attention to communicate with their children， putting more energy and money in cultivating the observation， expression and self-care ability of children， stimulating their self-confidence， curiosity and interest in learning. In the face of many unnecessary things such as \"imported toys \"， “all kinds of extra-curricular classes，\" and \"summer camp abroad\"， parents should remain rational， rather than follow or compete blindly， choosing the parenting way in accordance with their own economic conditions， and abandoning the desire to pursue fame and profit. Gu Baochang， Professor of Population Development Studies Center of Renmin University of China once tried to persuade the young parents at present in an interview that they should place less emphasis on materials but more on connections. He said that the society should take more responsibility in having children， but if parents always hold the opinion that \"material comes first\"， their desire will be difficult to be fulfilled. The healthy growth of children is the first concern of every family， at present when the basic cost of children grows， parents should learn to be clever， do things within their capacities and get rid of the title of \"slave to children\". This can not only save some unnecessary expenses， but also relieve some unnecessary burden of children， making them grow up healthy and happily while improving life quality of the whole family.

美國企業研究所人口統計學家埃伯施塔特·尼古拉斯說：“顯而易見的事實是，人們對家庭、孩子和前途的看法發生了巨變。中國正朝著其他低生育率的東亞國家的方向發展，例如日本和韓國等。”彭博社網站曾報道過許多嬰幼兒產品在中國的售價比在美國高得多，部分原因是中國父母心甘情愿為他們唯一的后代花大錢。加利福尼亞大學歐文分校社會學教授汪峰（音）認為：“中國父母擁有共同的文化價值觀，這種文化強調子女的成功。他們通過對孩子大筆投入來做到這一點。”在北京居住的趙女士就表示“什么都想給孩子最好的”，但帶來的結果是最好的東西價格也很高，“壓力一下就上去了”。這種希望給孩子最好資源的育兒心理在中國極為普遍，家長不愿意讓孩子輸在起跑線上，但是高額的費用也讓很多家長深感壓力。趙女士對于不算高的收入和相對高的育兒支出也表示無奈，很多時候只好縮緊自己的開支來滿足孩子的需求。

對于大多數中國人來說，家庭一直都是生活的重心，孩子在家庭中更是處于核心地位。很多商家正是看中了這樣的家庭“痛點”，才不費力氣便炒火了親子消費市場，用孩子做誘餌掏空父母的錢包。但是否“給孩子最好的一切”就一定能帶來“最好的結果”？華中科技大學社會學系主任雷洪教授認為，一切都給孩子最好的，是滿足成人的一種心理需求，但這些育兒成本里確有不合理成分，擇校、培優，是家長望子成龍給孩子的額外“滋補”，花的不少都是冤枉錢。調查發現，對孩子的經濟投入和他們的健康成長并不一定成正比。過分鼓勵孩子高消費容易滋生他們的攀比心理和物質至上的心態，反而不利于孩子的心理健康發展，容易導致理想狀態與客觀現實的偏差。

相比于在物質上去嬌慣孩子，情感教育和素質教育的投入似乎更能顯成效。一些較為“成功”的父母表示，他們更注重和孩子溝通交流，把精力和金錢更多地放在培養孩子的觀察、表達和生活自理能力上，去激發孩子自信心、求知欲和學習興趣。面對許多諸如“進口玩具”、“各式培訓班”、“出國夏令營”等非必需的項目，家長應當保持理性，不盲目效仿和攀比，選擇符合自身經濟條件的育兒支出方式，摒棄追名逐利的心理。中國人民大學人口與發展研究中心教授顧寶昌在一次采訪中曾勸導當下的年輕父母要輕物質重感情。他表示，社會應該在生育方面承擔更多的責任，但是父母如果總是抱著“物質第一”的心態養育后代，這樣的欲壑將很難被填平。孩子的健康成長自然是每個家庭中所關注的大事，在基本的育兒成本不斷增長的今天，要學會做聰明的家長，量力而為，主動摘掉“孩奴”的帽子。這樣不僅可以節省不必要的開支，還能為孩子減去一些多余的負擔，讓孩子健康快樂成長的同時還能提升家庭整體的生活質量。