閑聊的藝術

網絡時代，隨著面對面交流的減少，人們也忽略了閑聊對人際關系的重要作用。如何做一個善于閑聊的人呢？讓我們向專家討教一下閑聊的學問吧。

You are an intelligent and articulate person. You have no problem giving a clear presentation， delivering an eloquent speech or participating in a debate. You strive for meaningful conversations and have no patience for small talk. “The weather is nice， isnt it？” Really， who cares？

Although seemingly trivial and superficial， small talk is the starting point of all relationships. Romances and friendships begin with small talk. In a more pragmatic light， you cant avoid it. Getting a job， working with colleagues， winning new clients—all of it requires small talk.

Americans call it the “Gift of Gab”. Want to be successful？ Youd better acquire this gift.

An article on the Forbes website lists a few reasons why small talk is so important for ones career. Not only does small talk make us more likeable； in ones career， small talk is also a “free option”.

It can lead to a host of outcomes， from a merely pleasant exchange to the signing of a multimillion dollar business deal， says the article.

In a time where a big part of our lives has moved online， the art of small talk is elusive and mysterious. The awkward experience of feeling like a total outsider at a social function， such as a event or a dinner party， is shared by many of us.

But dont worry， says Elizabeth Bernstein， a relationship columnist at The Wall Street Journal， you can learn to develop your conversational intelligence.

First of all， remember small talk is not about communicating， its about connecting. Bernstein advises to focus on the other person.

Bad small talkers tend to dominate the conversation. They spend too much time on their favorite topic， whether it's football or how clever their kids are.

They think they are being social because they are talking. But they are talking to somebody， not with someone. Such people often give the impression of being self-centered and inconsiderate.

你聰明機靈，口齒伶俐。給出清晰的報告、發表滔滔不絕的演講、參加辯論，你無所不能。你在這些有意義的語言會話上花費心思，卻對閑聊嗤之以鼻。“今天天氣不錯，是吧？”說實在的，誰關心呢？

雖然看似瑣碎膚淺，但閑聊卻是建立一切關系的切入點。愛情和友誼都始于閑聊。更實際一點考慮的話，你不可能避免閑聊。求職、與同事共事、攻下新客戶，這些都離不開閑聊。

美國人稱之為“能說會道”。你想成功嗎？那么你最好具備這項口才。

為了說明閑聊對于個人事業的重要性，《福布斯》網站上的一篇文章給出了一系列解釋。閑聊不僅能讓我們更討人喜歡，對于個人事業而言，閑聊也是一種“免費期權”。

文章中指出，閑聊能產生一系列的效果，有時不僅僅是一場愉快的交流，甚至還可以達成數百萬美元的交易。

在這個生活逐步網絡化的時代，閑聊的藝術不可思議又難以捉摸。我們中的很多人都曾有過在活動、宴會等社交場合中化身“局外人”的尷尬經歷。

但是別擔心，《華爾街日報》兩性關系專欄作家伊麗莎白·伯恩斯坦表示，你可以學會去開發自己的口才。

首先，要記住閑聊并不是為了溝通交流，而是與對方建立聯系。伯恩斯坦建議應該去關注對方。

不擅長閑聊的人往往想要在談話中占據主動。他們花費過多的時間來談論喜歡的話題，無論是討論足球還是夸獎他們的孩子有多么聰穎過人。

他們認為滔滔不絕就代表善于交際。但是他們說話的對象是些重要人物，而并非普通人。這樣的人通常會給人留下以自我為中心、不替他人著想的印象。