被拒之后……

哈利·波特曾經被拒絕，貝拉和愛德華也一樣。如果作家J·K·羅琳和斯蒂芬妮·梅爾不試著聯系一家又一家的出版社，我們就會錯過幾段精彩的大冒險。

人生在世，總要有所追求。在追求的過程中，被拒絕是常有的事。

大事小事，被距總受傷

被拒絕的不一定是大事，如沒考進頂尖大學或沒有被邀請參加舞會。日常生活也可以讓人產生被拒絕的感覺，比如你講的笑話沒能引起笑聲，吃午飯時沒有人記得幫你留位，或者你很喜歡的人跟所有人聊天，就是不理你之類的。

然而被拒絕不代表一個人不受歡迎、不被重視或不重要。這只說明就此一次，你與某人在某一種情況下進展得不順利罷了。

雖然被拒絕并不好受，但這是無法避免的。過于害怕被拒絕的人也許會對他們追求的事物戛然止步。沒錯，他們避免了被拒絕，但這樣做必定會錯過他們所追求、但沒有嘗試去獲得的東西。

如何應對

被拒絕之后，我們處理得越妥當，它對我們的影響就越小。怎樣培養應對能力呢？以下是一些建議：

誠實面對

妥善處理被拒絕要從兩件事情著手：你的感受和你的想法。

讓我們先從感受開始：如果被拒絕了，就向自己承認這個事實吧。不要對傷痛置之不理或假裝若無其事。不要想“我不應該有這種感覺”，在你的處境下，有這樣的感覺是很正常的。

留心觀察你的受挫感有多強烈。這次被拒絕讓你非常難過嗎？或者只有一點點不快？如果想哭就哭吧——這是一種釋放情緒的自然方法。

接著說出你的感覺。例如：“校園劇沒有選上我，我真的很失望。我很渴望得到角色，也很努力去嘗試。我覺得自己被落下了，因為朋友們都選上了，唯獨我沒有。”

告訴別人發生了什么事情以及自己的感受吧，如果你希望這樣做的話。向那些愿意聆聽并支持你的人傾訴一下。

保持樂觀

在面對被拒絕這類痛苦的情感時，人們很容易陷入消極狀態。但老想著消極的事情就像讓人一次又一次地經歷傷心事。這不僅難受，也令人更難擺脫被拒絕的困境。

所以承認自己的真實感受吧，但不要老想著它。避免整天談論或想起這件事情。為什么？因為消極的想法會影響我們的預期以及行動。這樣當然會打擊人們再次嘗試（的熱情）。

聆聽自己的心聲

接下來要看看你的想法：想一下你是如何向自己解釋這次被拒絕的事實的。你是否對自己太過嚴厲？有“為什么會這樣？”的想法很正常。在向自己作出解釋時，注意只講事實。

告訴自己：“我邀請別人去舞會但被拒絕了，因為那個人不想跟我去。”別對自己說：“我被拒絕是因為我不夠吸引力”或“我真失敗”。這些都不是事實。這類貶低性想法一旦開始鉆進你的腦袋，要馬上把它們撲滅。

自責或貶低性的想法會夸大我們的缺點，讓我們相信那些不真實的事情。如果由于被拒絕而開始責備或貶低自己，你可能會覺得自己永遠都會被拒絕。像“永遠沒有人會和我約會”或“沒有人會喜歡我”等想法將一次普通的拒絕放大到災難性的層面。被拒絕不好受，也可能讓人失望透頂，但這不是世界末日。

正確對待事物

對自己說：“好吧，這次我被拒絕了，也許下一次我會得到肯定的答案呢。”

想想你擅長的東西和自己的優點。回想別人接受你、對你說“好的”時的情景。想想喜歡并支持你的人。

表揚自己曾經嘗試過。你作出過嘗試——好樣的。提醒自己你能夠直面拒絕。雖然現在被拒絕了，但還有另一個機會，下一次時機。達觀一點：有些事情就是特別莫名其妙。

變劣勢為優勢

被拒絕是一個機會，讓我們思考是否要采取一些措施。想想是否有進步的空間，或者你的目標是否超出你的能力。

如果這次你的能力不足，也許你要在比賽、學習或任何有助于下次成功的事情上加把勁。將被拒絕當成是自我提升的機會。

有時候，被拒絕就是讓人面對現實的殘酷警鐘。但如果你處理得當，它能幫你找到一個新的方向，你也許會發現這個方向最適合發展自己的才能、個性以及各種長處。

Harry Potter was rejected. So were Bella and Edward. If authors J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer hadnt kept trying with publisher after publisher， wed all have missed out on some great adventures.

Life is about going for things. And when we do， rejection is always a possibility.

Big or Small， Rejection Affects Us All

Rejection doesnt have to be about the big stuff like not getting into your top college， or not getting asked to prom[班級舞會]. Everyday situations can lead to feelings of rejection， too， like if your joke didnt get a laugh， if no one remembered to save you a seat at the lunch table， or if the person you really like talks to everyone but you.

But being rejected doesnt mean someone isnt liked， valued， or important. It just means that one time， in one situation， with one person， things didnt work out.

Rejection hurts. But its impossible to avoid it altogether. People who become too afraid of rejection might hold back from going after something they want. Sure， they avoid rejection， but theyre also 100% guaranteed to miss out on what they want but wont try for.

How to Cope

The better we get at dealing with rejection， the less it affects us. So how can you build that ability to cope？ Here are some ideas：

Be Honest

Coping well with rejection involves working with two things： how you feel and what you think.

Lets start with feelings： If you get rejected， acknowledge[承認] it to yourself. Dont try to brush off[刷掉，漠視] the hurt or pretend its not painful. Instead of thinking “I shouldnt feel this way，” think about how normal it is to feel like you do， given your situation.

Notice how intense your feelings are. Did this rejection upset you a lot？ Or just a little？ Cry if you want to—its a natural way to release emotion.

Now， move on to name what youre feeling. For example： “I feel really disappointed that I didnt get chosen for the school play. I wanted it so badly， and I tried so hard. I feel left out because my friends made it and I didnt” .

If you want， tell someone else what happened and how you feel about it. Pick someone who will listen and be supportive.

Be Positive[積極的]

When youre dealing with a painful emotion like rejection， its easy to get caught up in the bad feeling. But dwelling on[老是想著] the negative[消極的] stuff can feel like living the experience over and over again. Not only does it keep hurting， it becomes harder to get past the rejection.

So admit how you feel but dont dwell on it. Avoid talking or thinking about it nonstop. Why？ Negative thinking influences our expectations and how we act. It certainly doesnt inspire a person to try again.

Examine Your Thought Soundtrack[在頭腦里一直響起的聲音]

Now on to what you think： consider how youre explaining the rejection to yourself. Are you being too hard on yourself？ Its natural to wonder， “Why did this happen？” When you give yourself an explanation， be careful to stick to the facts.

Tell yourself： “I got turned down for prom because the person didnt want to go with me.” Dont tell yourself：“I got turned down because Im not attractive” or “Im such a loser.” These arent facts. If put-down[貶低，貶損] thoughts like these start creeping into your mind， shut them down.

Self-blaming or put-down thinking can exaggerate[夸大] our faults and lead us to believe stuff that simply isnt true. If you start blaming yourself for the rejection or put yourself down， you can start believing youll always be rejected. Thoughts like， “Ill never get a date” or “no one will ever like me” amplify[放大] a simple rejection to disaster level. Rejection can hurt a lot and can be terribly disappointing， but its not the end of the world. Keep Things in Perspective[正確地]

Tell yourself：“Okay， so I got rejected this time.Maybe next time Ill get a ‘yes. ”

Think about what youre good at and whats good about you. Remember times when youve been accepted， when someone told you “yes.” Think of all the people who like you and support you.

Give yourself credit[贊揚] for trying. You took a risk—good for you. Remind yourself that you can handle the rejection. Even though you were turned down now， there will be another opportunity， another time. Get philosophical[達觀的]： Sometimes things happen for reasons we dont always understand.

Use Rejection to Your Advantage

A rejection is a chance to consider if there are things we can work on. Think about whether theres room for improvement or if your goals were higher than your skills.

If your skills werent strong enough this time， maybe you need to work on your game， your studies， or whatever it takes to improve your chances of getting accepted next time. Use the rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement.

Sometimes a rejection is a hard reality check[提醒人面對現實的事件]. But if you approach[動手處理] it right， it could help nudge[輕推] you in a direction that turns out to be the perfect fit for your talents， personality， and all the great things that make you who you are.