螞蟻結“奇緣”

We met over an anthill in a field between our two back yards. I came out of my back gate to find a little girl exactly my size standing there， watching the ants at work. Suddenly she stomped on a whole group of industrious ants， who were just minding their own business. It made me mad. I put both my hands on her shoulders and pushed her hard， and she went down.

“Ow！ Why did you do that？” Mary Eleanor remembers asking me.

She said she never forgot my response. “You stepped on my favorite ant.” We were three years old.

She already had a baby brother， and I had no one but me. Over the next ten years， her parents produced six more children. I spent every moment I could with the Donovans. It was full of constant chaos， which is the stuff of life.

Back at my house， it was quiet. It took my parents three more years to produce one more child， and she was six years younger， so we were like two only children.

Mary Eleanor and I played dolls in my backyard and when a doll became too broken to play with， we had a funeral and buried her in a shoebox in the field. We held circus events on swings. We put on plays in the basement with a curtain hanging over the clothesline. By age seven we both 1）wobbled our way to balancing on a bicycle.

I went to public school. She went to Catholic school. I loved how the Donovans said Grace every night before dinner. I learned to cross myself.

Back at their house， Mary Eleanor always wanted to play Nuns. I went along with her but it was clear to me that nuns never married， so I wondered why this looked fun to her. When you grow up， you become a mommy and there is a daddy and there is a family. That much was clear from my pals the 2）Mormons.

High school and college separated us even more， but we called each other on our birthdays and went over our lives as if we’d just parted yesterday.

Then she 3）dropped her bomb on me， one day shortly after graduation. “I wanted to call you，” she said， “because I am just about to enter the 4）convent. I am going to become a nun.”

“Oh， no. No， you’re not.”“Yes， I am.”

“But you can’t！ I mean， how can you？”

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Didn’t you know that？”

“But Mary！ Family！ Don’t you want a family？”

“I had eight brothers and sisters and tended them all. That was enough.”

I just sat there， absorbing her truth. Finally， I wished her well and hung up. I burst into tears for her， for the life she would not enjoy.

Over the years， her birthday and Christmas cards to me always told me she was saying a special prayer for me that day. When she’d come to town， we’d meet for lunch， I in my mom clothes， she in her black and white 5）habit. My young daughters thought it very cool that I had a nun for a best friend.

Eighteen years later， I had two teenage girls who were 6）giving me hell， my marriage was not the most secure in the world right then， and I wrote Mary Eleanor a letter.

I told her that my life was not half as satisfying as I had planned. My daughters hated me， my husband was always gone， all I did in life was volunteer in our community and give parties.“I am nothing but a shallow housewife who gives parties，” I concluded. I could not have confessed this to any friend except Mary Eleanor， whom I knew would forgive me and understand.

I added the final paragraph： “So I am writing to tell you that you have chosen the right path. Your life has been devoted to helping others， and what could be more satisfying than that？ I love you and respect you so much.”

A couple of weeks later， I got a postcard back. It said， “Dear T.， I am making this short because I have just entered 7）psychiatric counseling. I am not sure I have chosen the right path at all. All my love， Mary Eleanor.”

Last year， she came back to Salt Lake City， and we went on a picnic in the wildflowers of the 8）Wasatch Mountains. Over cold chicken legs and potato salad， we reviewed our choices in life. All in all， we decided， it kind of came out even. My four granddaughters bloom every day， as do the hundreds of African American and 9）Hispanic children Sister Mary has taught and mentored over a lifetime. She no longer wears a habit. She looks like me. Even our white hair matches.

Before I drove her back to the convent she was visiting， we stopped at my old house. I knew the new owners， who were gone， and knew they wouldn’t mind. We walked into the back yard and stood by where we gave circuses on my swing set.

When we were little circus performers， all the promises of life lay before us. We knew we could be anything， and even more important， we could be everything. With that as a 10）yardstick， we’d had so many failures we couldn’t even count them.

“How can you keep forgiving everyone and everything？” I asked her. “I mean， hell， starting with me and the anthill？”

She closed her eyes for a moment， and smiled. “How can we not？”

Hail， Mary. And Happy Birthday， 11）kiddo.

我們在彼此后院間一塊地里的蟻丘上相遇。我從后門走出來，看到個子如我一般大的一個小女孩站在那兒，看著螞蟻們忙活著。突然，她一腳跺在一群勤勞的螞蟻上，而這些螞蟻只不過是在忙著自己的活兒而已。這讓我氣憤不已。我雙手往她肩上使勁兒一推，她摔倒了。

“哎喲！你這么做是干嘛？”瑪麗·埃莉諾記得自己這么問我。

她說她永遠也忘不了我的回答。“你踩到我最愛的螞蟻了。”我們當時三歲。

那時她已經有個襁褓中的弟弟，而我還是個獨生女。在隨后的十年里，她的父母又生了六個孩子。我一有時間就往多諾萬斯家里跑，那里總是吵鬧個不停，生活就該是那樣。

而我家則沒什么動靜。我父母花了三年多的時間才多添了一個孩子，她比我小六歲，所以我們也像是兩個獨生女。

瑪麗·埃莉諾和我在我家后院玩布娃娃。當一個娃娃舊得不行了，我們就為它舉行一場葬禮，用一個鞋盒把它裝好埋到地里。我們在秋千上表演馬戲。我們把一塊窗簾布掛在晾衣繩上，在地窖里表演戲劇。到七歲的時候，我們一起搖搖晃晃地學騎自行車。

我上了公立學校。她上了天主教學校。我喜歡多諾萬斯一家每晚在晚餐前做感恩祈禱的樣子。我學會了自己畫十字。

在他們家里，瑪麗·埃莉諾總是想扮演修女。雖然我隨她一起玩，但我很清楚，修女是終生不嫁的，所以我很疑惑為何她覺得這樣做很有趣。當你長大后，你就要成為一位媽媽，而且還會有一位爸爸和一個家庭。……