自我對話：更自信，更健康

Do you ever talk to yourself？ Be honest.

Researchers say talking to yourself， out loud， is more common than many of us might care to admit. Psychologists call it “self talk” and say how we do it makes a big difference in both our mood and our behavior.

Most people engage in self-talk， experts say， though some do it louder and more often than others. When I asked， I heard from people who talk to themselves in the basement， in their 1）cubicle at work and at the 2）urinal in the men’s room. One woman turns the car radio down so she can hear herself better.

Self-talk is what happens when you make yourself the target of your own comments， advice or reminders. Experts consider it a 3）subset of thinking. You’re essentially having a conversation with yourself. Sometimes self-talk is automatic. Other times we do it deliberately to influence our own behavior. “What happens with self-talk is you stimulate your action， direct your action and evaluate your action，” says Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis， associate professor at the University of Thessaly in Trikala， Greece， who studies self-talk and the psychology of sports performance.

Motivational self-talk includes what we say to 4）psych ourselves up： “Come on！” “Let’s go！”“You can do this！” Instructional self-talk walks us through a specific task. If you are driving， you might tell yourself to turn right at the next light， and then you do it. “It sounds simple， but you get the correct reaction，” says Dr. Hatzigeorgiadis. Instructional self-talk is helpful when learning or practicing a new sport or task， he says. For example， a swimmer can remind himself to keep his elbow high during freestyle. Before giving a speech， the speaker might tell herself， “Speak slower” and “Make eye contact.”

It is important to be short， precise—and consistent. “You have to sustain it，” Dr. Hatzigeorgiadis says. “You instruct yourself until it becomes automatic.” The way you 5）address yourself matters， too. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in February found people who spoke to themselves as another person—using their own name or the pronoun“you”—performed better under stress than people who used the word “I.”

In one study， University of Michigan researchers 6）induced stress in participants by telling them they had to prepare a speech to give to a panel of judges about their qualifications for a dream job. They had just five minutes to prepare and were told they couldn’t use notes.

Half the participants were instructed to 7）work through their anxiety using the first-person pronoun （“Why am I nervous？”）. The other half were told to address themselves by name or the pronoun“you” （“Why are you nervous？”）. Afterward， each participant was asked to estimate how much shame he or she experienced right after the speech， and how much 8）subsequent 9）ruminating they did.

The results were consistent： People whose self-talk used their names or “you” reported less shame and ruminated less than the ones who used“I”. The judges found the performances of those using “you” to be more confident， less nervous and more persuasive.

When people think of themselves as another person， “it allows them to give themselves objective， helpful feedback，” says Ethan Kross， associate professor of psychology and director of the Self-Control and Emotion Laboratory at the University of Michigan.

Don Ingraham， a 77-year-old retired chief executive of a chemical distribution company， has been talking to himself for more than 70 years. He was a lonely child—his brothers were much older—so he invented three imaginary friends， Bobby Palmer， Bobby Engine and Ainsley Oates， with whom he had regular conversations.

Both positive and negative words can influence us in positive and negative ways. Say to yourself，“This job interview is going to be a 10）cakewalk，” and you might not get 11）pumped up enough to 12）ace it. Conversely， tell yourself，“You just lost that match， you need to focus harder，” and it could 13）spur you to do better in the future. With critical self-talk， identify why you are being negative and focus on making it better. Don’t say： “I bombed that presentation.” Say：“That wasn’t your best effort. You need to 14）buckle down now and try harder.”

Kathy Gruver， a 44-year-old 15）alternative-medicine 16）practitioner in Santa Barbara， Calif.， once made herself cry while talking to herself about what to say to her then-boyfriend， who hadn’t called when he said he would. Since then， she has learned to speak to herself positively. She repeats daily 17）affirmations， coaches herself on handling difficult clients and walks through the steps of her 18）flying-trapeze workout. “I think it’s healthy to talk to yourself，” she says. “Throw your Bluetooth in， so people think you’re on the phone， and let it all out.”

你曾經(jīng)試過自言自語嗎？說實話。

研究人員表明，大聲的自言自語，非常普遍，只是我們中的許多人都不愿意承認罷了。心理學家稱之為“自我對話”，并表示我們自我對話的方式對我們的情緒和行為影響重大。

專家指出，大部分人都會自我對話，盡管有一些人說得更大聲，更頻繁。當我問及大家會否如此之后，我收到一些人的來信，來信人表示他們會在地下室、工作間，或男廁所便池進行自我對話。有一位女士把汽車音響聲音調(diào)低就是為了能夠更清楚地聽到自己說話。

當你把自己作為評論、建議或者提醒的對象時，自我對話就會發(fā)生。專家把自我對話視為思考的一部分。本質(zhì)上來說，你就是在與自己對話。有時候，自我對話是下意識的。其他時候我們則有意為之，以此來影響自己的行為。“自我對話能夠?qū)ψ约旱男袆悠鸬郊睢⒅敢约霸u價的作用，”安東尼斯·海茲歌迪亞斯說道，他是希臘特里卡拉省塞薩利大學的副教授，研究自我對話以及運動心理學。

激勵性的自我對話包括自我鼓勵所說的話：“加油！”“走起！”“你能做到！”指導性的自我對話能幫助我們完成某件具體的任務。假如你在開車，你可能告訴自己在下一個交通信號燈處向右轉(zhuǎn)，然后你就這樣做了。“這聽起來很簡單，但是你做出了正確的反應，”海茲歌迪亞斯博士說。他說，在學習或是練習一項新的運動或任務的時候，指導性的自我對話很有幫助。舉例來說，一名游泳運動員在游自由泳的時候可以提醒自己保持肘部高度。……