滾球

By+RobertG.Allman

Ilost my sight when I was four years old by falling off a box car in a freight yard in Atlantic City and landing on my head. Now I am thirty-two. I can vaguely remember the brightness of sunshine and what colour red is. It would be wonderful to see again，butacalamitycandostrangethingstopeople.

It occurred to me the other day that I might not have come to love life as I do if I hadnt been blind. I dont mean that I would prefer to go without my eyes. I simply mean that the loss of them mademeappreciatewhatIhadleftmore.

Life， I believe， asks a continuous series of adjustments to reality. The more readily a person is able to make these adjustments，themoremeaningfulhisownprivateworldbecomes.

The hardest lesson I had to learn was to believe in myself. That was basic. If I hadnt been able to do that， I would have collapsed and become a chair rocker on the front porch for the rest of my life. When I say belief in myself I am not talking about simply the kind of self-confidence that helps me down an unfamiliar staircase alone. That is part of it. But I mean something bigger than that： an assurance that I am， despite imperfections， a real， positive person that somewhere in the sweeping， intricate pattern of people there is a special place where I can make myself fit.

It took me years to discover and strengthen this assurance. Once，amangavemeanindoorbaseball.Ithoughthewasmocking me and I was hurt.“I cant use this，”I said.“Take it with you，”he urged me，“and roll it around.”The words stuck in my head. By rolling the ball I could hear where it went. This gave me an idea how to achieve a goal I had thought impossible： playing baseball. At Philadelphias Overbrook School for the Blind I invented a successfulvariationofbaseball.Wecalleditgroundball.

All my life， I have set ahead of me a series of goals and then tried to reach them， one at a time. I had to learn my limitations. It was no good to try for something I knew at the start was wildly out of reach， because that only invited the bitterness of failure. I would fail sometimes anyway， but on the average I made progress.

四歲那年在大西洋城，我從貨場(chǎng)一輛火車上摔下來(lái)，頭先著地，導(dǎo)致雙目失明。現(xiàn)在我32歲了。我還模糊地記得陽(yáng)光是多么燦爛，紅色是多么鮮艷。能恢復(fù)視覺(jué)固然好，但災(zāi)難也能對(duì)人產(chǎn)生奇妙的作用。

有一天我突然想到，倘若我不是盲人，我或許不會(huì)變得像現(xiàn)在這樣熱愛(ài)生活。這并不意味著我更愿成為盲人，而只是意味著失去視力使我更加珍惜自己的其他能力。

我認(rèn)為，生活要求人不斷地自我調(diào)整以適應(yīng)現(xiàn)實(shí)。人越能及時(shí)地進(jìn)行調(diào)整，他的個(gè)人世界便越有意義。

我必須學(xué)會(huì)的最艱難的一課，就是相信自己，這是最基本的。如果做不到這一點(diǎn)，我就會(huì)精神崩潰，只能坐在前門廊的搖椅中度過(guò)余生。我所說(shuō)的相信自己，并不僅僅指支持我獨(dú)自走下陌生的樓梯的那種自信，那只是其中的一部分。我指的是比那更強(qiáng)大的東西：堅(jiān)信自己雖然有缺陷，卻是一個(gè)真正的有進(jìn)取心的人；堅(jiān)信在蕓蕓眾生、錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜的格局當(dāng)中，有我可以安身立命的一席之地。

我花了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間才樹立并不斷強(qiáng)化這一信念。有一次，一個(gè)人給我一個(gè)室內(nèi)玩的棒球。我以為他在嘲笑我，感到很受傷。“我玩不了。”我說(shuō)。“你拿去。”他竭力勸我，“在地上滾。”他的話在我腦子里生了根。我滾動(dòng)這個(gè)球，聽它朝哪兒走。這讓我想到一個(gè)主意，實(shí)現(xiàn)一個(gè)我曾認(rèn)為不可能達(dá)到的目標(biāo)：打棒球。在費(fèi)城的奧弗布魯克盲人學(xué)校，我發(fā)明了一種很受歡迎的棒球游戲，我們稱它為地面球。

我這一輩子給自己樹立了一系列目標(biāo)，然后努力去達(dá)到，一次一個(gè)。我必須了解自己的極限。開始就知道某個(gè)目標(biāo)超出了自己的能力范圍還硬要去實(shí)現(xiàn)，那不會(huì)帶來(lái)任何好處，因?yàn)槟侵粫?huì)帶來(lái)失敗的苦果。我有時(shí)也會(huì)失敗，但一般來(lái)說(shuō)總有進(jìn)步。endprint