女兒的午餐袋

By+Robert+Fulghum

O ne morning， Molly handed me two bags. One regular lunch sack， and the one with the duct rape and staples and paperclips.

“Why two bags？”“The other one is something else.”“Whatsin it？”“Justsomestuff. Takeitwith you.”I stuffed both sacks into my briefcase， kissed the child， and rushed off.

At midday， while hurriedly scarfing down my real lunch， I tore open Mollys bag and shook out the contents. Two hair ribbons， three small stones， a plastic dinosaur， a pencil stub， a tiny seashell， two animal crackers， a marble， a used lipstick， a small doll， two chocolate kisses and 13 pennies.

Ismiled. How charming. Risingtohustleoff， I sweptthe desk clean into the wastebasket—leftover lunch， Mollys junkandall.TherewasntanythinginthereIneeded.

ThateveningMollycametostandbesidemewhileI was readingthepaper.“Wheres my bag？”“What bag？”“You know，theoneIgaveyouthismorning.”“Ileftitattheoffice， why？”“I forgot to put this note in it.”She handed over the note.“Besides，Iwantitback.”“Why？”“Thosearemythings in the sack， Daddy， the ones I really like. I thought you might like to play with them， but now I want them back. You didnt losethebag，didyou，Daddy？”Tearspuddledinhereyes.

“Oh， no， I just forgot to bring it home，”I lied.“Bring it tomorrow， okay？”As she hugged my neck with relief， I unfolded the note that had not gotten into the sack：“I love you，Daddy.”

Oh. And uh-oh. I looked long at the face of my child. She had given me her treasures—all that a 7-year-old held dear. Love in a paper sack， and I had missed it—not only missed it， but had thrown it away because“there wasnt anythingin thereI needed.”Itwasntthefirstor the last time IfeltmyDaddypermitwasabouttorunout.

It was a long trip back to the office， the pilgrimage of a penitent. I picked up the wastebasket and poured the contents on my desk. I was sorting it all out when the janitor cameintodohischores.

“Lose something？”“Yes， my mind.”“Its probably in there， all right. What does it look like and Ill help you find it.”I started not to tell him， but I couldnt feel any more of a foolthanIwasalready，soItoldhim.

He didnt laugh.“I got kids too.”So the brotherhood of fools searched the trash and found the jewels， and he smiled atmeandIsmiledathim.

Afterwashingthemustardoffthedinosaurandspraying the whole thing with breath freshener to kill the smell of onions， I carefully smoothed out the wadded ball of brown paper into a semi-functional bag and put the treasures inside. I carried the whole thing home gingerly， like an injured kitten. The next evening， I returned it to Molly. No questionsasked，noexplanationsoffered.endprint

After dinner， I asked Molly to tell me about the stuff in thesack，andsoshetookitalloutapieceatatimeand placed the objects in a row on the dining room table. Everything had a story， a memory， or was attached to dreams and imaginary friends. I managed to say“I see”very wisely several times. And，asamatteroffact，Ididsee.

To my surprise， Molly gave the bag to me once again several days later. Same ratty bag. Same stuff inside. I felt forgiven，andtrustedandloved.Andalittlemorecomfortable wearing the title of father. Over several months， the bag went with me from time to time. It was never clear to me why I did ordidnotgetitonagivenday.

In time Molly turned her attention to other things. She foundothertreasures，lostinterestinthegame，grewup.

Me？ I was left holding the bag. She gave it to me one morningandneveraskedforitsreturn.AndsoIhaveitstill.

Theworn paper sack istherein thebox. Leftfromatime when achild said，“Here， thisisthebestIvegot. Takeit， its yours.SuchasIhave，giveItothee.”

一天早上，女兒莫利遞給我兩個袋子。一個是每天的午餐袋，另一個是用粗膠帶、訂書針和幾枚回形針封著的袋子。

“怎么有兩個袋子呀？”“另一個裝的是別的東西。”“里面是什么？”“只是一些東西，你帶著嘛。”于是我把兩個袋子都塞進(jìn)了我的公文包，親了親孩子就趕忙出了家門。

中午時分，狼吞虎咽地吃完午餐后，我撕開了莫利的袋子，抖出里面的東西：兩根發(fā)帶、三顆小石子、一只塑料恐龍、一截鉛筆頭、一個小貝殼、兩塊動物狀的薄脆餅干、一顆彈珠、一支用過的口紅、一個小洋娃娃、兩塊巧克力糖和13美分。

我笑了。多可愛啊！我一邊起身去忙，一邊就把剩下的午餐和莫利這些雜七雜八的東西統(tǒng)統(tǒng)掃進(jìn)了垃圾筐———沒有我需要的東西。

那天晚上，當(dāng)我讀報紙的時候，莫利走過來站在我身旁。“我的袋子呢？”“什么袋子？”“你知道的，就是我早上給你的那個。”“我把它落在辦公室了，怎么了？”“我忘了把這張紙條放進(jìn)去了。”她遞過紙條，“而且，我想把它要回來。”“為什么？”“爸爸，袋子里是我的東西，我非常喜歡的東西。我原來想你也許會喜歡玩這些東西，但是現(xiàn)在我想把它們要回來。你沒把那個袋子丟了吧，爸爸？”她眼淚汪汪地說。

“哦，沒有。我只是忘了把它帶回家。”我撒謊道“，明天帶回來，好嗎？”當(dāng)她寬慰地抱住我的脖子時，我打開那張沒有放進(jìn)袋子的紙條，上面寫著：“我愛你，爸爸。”

噢，糟糕！我久久地望著孩子的臉。莫利把她的寶貝都給了我，一個七歲孩子珍愛的所有東西。紙袋里裝著的是濃濃的愛意，而我忽視了它。不僅忽視，而且把它扔掉了，因為“里面沒有我需要的東西”。這不是我第一次也不是最后一次感到自己作為父親的資格幾乎喪失殆盡。

回辦公室的路很漫長，像一個悔罪者前往朝圣的旅途。我拎起垃圾筐，把里面的東西倒在我的辦公桌上。當(dāng)管理員來清掃時，我還在分揀。

“丟東西了嗎？”“是的，我的心思。”“可能在那兒，沒關(guān)系。它什么樣？我?guī)湍阏摇！蔽移鸪鯖]有告訴他，但是我已然做了傻到不能再傻的事了，所以我還是告訴了他。

他沒有笑：“我也有孩子。”于是我們這對傻兄弟在垃圾中尋找著失落的珍寶，他對我微笑，我也報之以微笑。

我洗掉恐龍身上的芥末，噴上空氣清新劑以壓過洋蔥味，之后我仔細(xì)抹平那個揉皺了的棕色紙團(tuán)，使之勉強(qiáng)成為一個紙袋，然后把寶貝放進(jìn)去。我小心翼翼地把它帶回家，就像帶著一只受傷的小貓。第二天晚上，我把它還給了莫利。她沒問什么，我也沒有解釋。

晚餐后，我讓她給我講袋子里東西的來歷，于是她一件一件地把它們拿出來，在餐桌上擺成一排。每個都有一個故事、一段回憶，或是與夢和假想的朋友有關(guān)。我非常聰明地說了幾次“我明白”，實(shí)際也的確如此。

令我驚訝的是，莫利幾天后又把那個袋子給了我。同樣破舊的袋子，裝著同樣的東西。我感到被原諒了，受到了信任，而且被深愛著，也對自己這個“爸爸”的頭銜稍稍心安理得了一點(diǎn)。隨后幾個月里，這個袋子時不時會在我身邊。我根本不清楚，哪一天她會把袋子給我或不給我。

終于有一天，莫利將興趣轉(zhuǎn)移到了別的東西上———發(fā)現(xiàn)了別的寶貝，不想玩這個游戲了，她長大了。

至于我呢？我一直保存著那個袋子。一天早上她把袋子給了我，再也沒要回去。于是直到現(xiàn)在，我還保存著它。

那個破舊的紙袋就在盒子里。它來自于一個孩子，她說：“嘿，這些是我的寶貝，拿著它，它是你的了。就如我曾擁有過一樣，現(xiàn)在我把它交給你了。”endprint