A Mercy——母愛之傷賞析

Insults had been moving back and forth to and fro for many seasons between the king2） of we families and the king of others. I think men thrive3） on insults over cattle， women， water， crops. Everything heats up and finally the men of their families burn we houses and collect those they cannot kill or find for trade. Bound with vine one to another we are moved four times， each time more trading， more culling4）， more dying. We increase in number or we decrease in number until maybe seven times ten or ten times ten of we are driven into a holding pen5）. There we see men we believe are ill or dead. We soon learn they are neither. Their skin was confusing. The men guarding we and selling we are black. Two have hats and strange pieces of cloth at their throats. They assure we that the whitened men do not want to eat we. Still it is the continue of all misery. Sometimes we sang. Some of we fought. Mostly we slept or wept. Then the whitened men divided we and placed we in canoes. We come to a house made to float on the sea. Each water， river or sea， has sharks under. The whitened ones guarding we like that as much as the sharks are happy to have a plentiful feeding place.

I welcomed the circling sharks but they avoided me as if knowing I preferred their teeth to the chains around my neck my waist my ankles. When the canoe heeled6）， some of we jumped， others were pulled under and we did not see their blood swirl until we alive ones were retrieved and placed under guard. We are put into the house that floats on the sea and we saw for the first time rats and it was hard to figure out how to die. Some of we tried； some of we did. Refusing to eat the oiled yam. Strangling we throat. Offering we bodies to the sharks that follow all the way night and day. I know it was their pleasure to freshen us with a lash but I also saw it was their pleasure to lash their own. Unreason rules here. Who lives who dies？ Who could tell in that moaning and bellowing in the dark， in the awfulness？ It is one matter to live in your own waste； it is another to live in another’s.

Barbados7）， I heard them say. After times and times of puzzle about why I could not die as others did. After pretending to be so in order to get thrown overboard. Whatever the mind plans， the body has other interests. So to Barbados where I found relief in the clean air and standing up straight under a sky the color of home. Grateful for the familiar heat of the sun instead of the steam of packed flesh. Grateful too for the earth supporting my feet never mind the pen I shared with so many. The pen that was smaller than the cargo hold we sailed in. One by one we were made to jump high， to bend over， to open our mouths. The children were best at this. Like grass trampled by elephants， they sprang up to try life again. They had stopped weeping long ago. Now， eyes wide， they tried to please， to show their ability and therefore their living worth. How unlikely their survival. How likely another herd will come to destroy them. A herd of men of heaped teeth fingering the hasps8） of whips. Men flushed red with cravings. Or， as I came to learn， destroyed by fatal ground life in the cane9） we were brought there to harvest. Snakes， tarantulas10）， lizards they called gators11）. I was burning sweat in cane only a short time when they took me away to sit on a platform in the sun. It was there I learned how I was not a person from my country， nor from my families. I was negrita12）. Everything. Language， dress， gods， dance， habits， decoration， song—all of it cooked together in the color of my skin. So it was as a black that I was purchased by Senhor13）， taken out of the cane and shipped north to his tobacco plants. A hope， then. But first the mating， the taking of me and Bess and one other to the curing14） shed. Afterwards， the men who were told to break we in apologized. Later an overseer gave each of us an orange. And it would have been all right. It would have been good both times， because the results were you and your brother. But then there was Senhor and his wife. I began to tell Reverend Father but shame made my words nonsense. He did not understand or he did not believe. He told me not to despair or be faint of heart but to love God and Jesus Christ with all my soul； to pray for the deliverance that would be mine at judgment； that no matter what others may say， I was not a soulless animal， a curse； that Protestants were in error， in sin， and if I remained innocent in mind and deed I would be welcomed beyond the valley of this woeful life into an everlasting one， amen.

But you wanted the shoes of a loose woman， and a cloth around your chest did no good. You caught Senhor’s eye. After the tall man dined and joined Senhor on a walk through the quarters15）， I was singing at the pump. A song about the green bird fighting then dying when the monkey steals her eggs. I heard their voices and gathered you and your brother to stand in their eyes.

One chance， I thought. There is no protection but there is difference. You stood there in those shoes and the tall man laughed and said he would take me to close16） the debt. I knew Senhor would not allow it. I said you. Take you， my daughter. Because I saw the tall man see you as a human child， not pieces of eight. I knelt before him. Hoping for a miracle. He said yes.

It was not a miracle. Bestowed17） by God. It was a mercy. Offered by a human. I stayed on my knees. In the dust where my heart will remain each night and every day until you understand what I know and long to tell you： to be given dominion over another is a hard thing； to wrest dominion over another is a wrong thing； to give dominion of yourself to another is a wicked thing.

Oh Florens. My love. Hear a tua m?e18）.

1.節選部分選自小說的最后一章，是小說中弗羅倫斯的媽媽的內心獨白。她回憶了自己被賣為奴隸的經歷，并表達了自己對女兒弗羅倫斯未來的期許。

2.king [k??] n. （部落的）首領，頭目

3.thrive [θra?v] vi. 茁壯成長

4.cull [k?l] vt. 挑選；選拔

5.pen [pen] n. 圍欄

6.heel [hi?l] vi. （船）傾側

7.Barbados：巴巴多斯（拉丁美洲國家）

8.hasp [hɑ?sp] n. （門、窗或盒蓋等的）搭扣

9.cane [ke?n] n. 生有細長節莖的植物（如甘蔗、高粱等）

10.tarantula [t??r?ntj?l?] n. [動]鳥蛛，狼蛛

11.gator [?ɡe?t?（r）] n. [動]短吻鱷

12.negrita：〈西〉黑皮膚女孩

13.Senhor：〈葡〉先生。小說中指的是最初買下弗羅倫斯的媽媽的人。

14.cure [kj??（r）] vt. 加工處理（煙草、動物皮等）

15.quarter [?kw??（r）t?（r）] n. （某一人群生活或工作的）地區

16.close [kl??z] vt. 結清（賬目等）

17.bestow [b??st??] vt. 給予

18.a tua m?e：〈葡〉你的媽媽