我們只是好朋友

Final class of the day； Im almost done. Ive managed to avoid him for the majority of the day， somehow escaping his attempts at conversation. Always somewhere to go， something to do. Sorry， no time to chat. If I can just stay out of sight for the next fifteen minutes， Ill be home free.

Rushing into the crowded hall， I push through the swarm of buzzing students. I fight against the flow of bodies， the warm crush that threatens to overwhelm me. Desperate， I keep shoving， longing to reach the safety and quiet of my locker. Im almost there， just a bit further. Finally Ive made it， and hes nowhere in sight.

I open my locker and lean into it， sighing with relief， when I see him. I straighten up， hurriedly shoving everything into that tiny metal box， but my hands arent cooperating. My nerves are making me shake， disconnecting my mind from the rest of my body. I struggle to remove myself from the impending situation， but as I start to spring away， he grabs my arm and says， “Now can I talk to you？”

And thats when my heart sinks. My stomach starts to churn and I know nothing will be the same again.

Somehow I always knew it would come down to this moment. A silent showdown in some empty hallway， the echo of slamming lockers long since faded， but the shouts of students still lingering in the air. He stares at me， expectantly， awaiting an answer. I look at my feet， purposely not listening， not looking at him. I dont want to hear it， dont want to see him proclaim his love. It makes no difference； it doesnt change the situation.

“Did you hear me？ I said I like you. I like you a lot.”

Dont say that. Anything but that. Talk to me about the weather， how horrible Mrs. Matthews is with her evil calculus equations. Even sports would be better， （and you know how much I hate sports）. Just dont say those words. Why would you say something that could irreversibly change our friendship？

“Say something， anything.”

You dont mean that， not really. I know what youre hoping to hear， what you want me to say. I cant and I wont. I look at you and I see a brother， a friend， not a boyfriend. I dont think anything could ever change that in my mind.

Everyone knew wed end up here. My parents， my friends. Hell， even your parents and friends knew it. They told me it was cruel to lead you on， but I never meant to. I never meant for it to go this far； it just never seemed like the right time to say， “Hey， well always be best friends.” I never， ever wanted to hurt you； I just didnt want to let you go.

Now its senior year and youve finally found the courage to tell me how you feel. Id love to blame you for this awkwardness， accuse you of letting this non-relationship charade drag on over the years. But truthfully， its my fault that weve reached this point， and I have to make things right.

“We are just good friends.” I take a deep breath. This is it.

“Yeah. Me too.”

最后一節(jié)課了；離最終勝利僅有一步之遙。這大半天我都成功地躲開了他，總算是避開了他與我搭話的機(jī)會(huì)。我跑這兒跑那兒，總有事要干。不好意思，沒時(shí)間聊天。如果接下來的15分鐘我能躲開他的視線，那我就可以輕松地回家啦。

我沖向擁擠的大廳，在亂哄哄的人群中推搡著往前擠。我從熙攘移動(dòng)的人群當(dāng)中鉆過去，熱浪幾乎要讓我窒息了。絕望中，我不停地推著，擠著，希望能早些到我的柜子旁邊去，到那兒我就安全了，也能擺脫這嘈雜之聲，安靜下來。就差一點(diǎn)，馬上就到了。終于，成功抵達(dá)了，我暗暗慶幸哪兒也看不到他。

我打開柜子，上身探進(jìn)去，如釋重負(fù)地嘆了口氣，而就在這時(shí)，我看到了他。我立刻直起身來，匆忙地將所有東西往這個(gè)小小的金屬柜子里一塞，但是我的手卻不聽使喚。我緊張得有些發(fā)抖，不知道自己在做什么。想到馬上要面對他，我掙扎著讓自己逃離這里，但正當(dāng)我三步并作兩步打算逃之夭夭時(shí)，他抓住了我的胳膊，問道：“我現(xiàn)在能和你說兩句話嗎？”

我的心開始下沉，我的胃也開始翻江倒海，我知道從此之后一切都變了。

不知為什么，我一直都知道這個(gè)時(shí)刻遲早會(huì)來。在某個(gè)空曠樓道里無聲的攤牌，鎖柜關(guān)閉的回聲已經(jīng)消退，但學(xué)生們的叫喊聲還在空氣中回蕩。他滿懷期待地看著我，等待著我的回答。我看著腳下，故意不去聽他說話，也不看他。我不想聽，不想看他表白愛意。他的表白對我沒有任何影響，什么也改變不了。……