I Do, Do I?

A detailed survey on marriage reveals changing attitudes among young people By Bai Shi

I Do, Do I?

A detailed survey on marriage reveals changing attitudes among young people By Bai Shi

In China, as in most other parts of the world, marriage has traditionally been seen as one of the most significant events in a person’s life.

In the past, marriages were arranged by parents or other elderly family members and most young people would be married shortly after they reached adulthood in their late teens or early 20s.

Today, however, the pace and pressure of the modern world have completely changed the current generation’s perspective on marriage. People are marrying much later in life or choosing not to marry at all. The way they seek their partners—increasingly through online dating websites—is also radically different from a generation ago. In almost every sense, the institution of marriage in China is seeing radical change.

Jiayuan.com, one of China’s leading online dating platforms, published the Marriage Survey of the Young Chinese 2011-12 on February 13, 2012. Based on 85,439 responses to a questionnaire by young people from a range of different backgrounds, the survey provides an insight into the prevailing attitude to marriage in China.

The most striking statistic to emerge from the survey is the number of people who are simply not getting married. In 2005 approximately 4 percent of people over 40 were unmarried; by 2010 the figure had risen to 12 percent.

As social expectations still place a heavy emphasis on marriage, some of those who have not found partners are increasingly desperate to meet suitable mates. The reasons for the increasing proportion of unmarried individuals are manifold.

Economic pressure, the difficulty of affording an apartment in particular which is often seen as a prerequisite to marriage, leads many to postpone marriage.

Social changes have also delayed the age of marriage and sometimes people are willing to wait until they find their “Mr. Right” or“Miss Perfect.”

However, beyond these social and economic factors, there is a deeper demographic issue behind the rising proportion of unmarried individuals in China; China has fewer women than men. According to a report published by National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) in 2010, the ratio of unmarried men to women at the age of 27 reached 199:100, and the number increased to 293:100 at the age of 33. China’s unbalanced gender ratio can be attributed to the fact that Chinese parents prefer boys to girls.

Diversified ways to love

Despite major changes in attitudes toward relationships and marriage, some things remain consistent, with Chinese young people demonstrating much more fondness for arranged meetings than their Western peers.

“According to our survey, 92 percent of interviewees would like to look for proper partners through an arranged meeting,” said Gong Haiyan, CEO of Jiayuan.com. Therefore, arranged dates are still an important way for single men and women to get to know each other.

“Parents’ and friends’ recommendations and Internet dating sites are the main sources of arranged meetings,” said Gong.

The Internet has become an enormously popular forum for dating and matchmaking. This huge demand has produced a number of online dating agencies, especially dating social networks, in recent years. Well-known online dating websites include Jiayuan.com, Baihe.com, and Zhen’ai.com.

Jiayuan.com, founded in 2003, claims to have over 40 million users. More Chinese are turning to the virtual world in order to find real world romance.

“I had a clear purpose when I browsed through the information of girls on Jiayuan. com,” said Li Xinyuan, a 31-year-old Beijinger who holds a Ph.D and works for the Laboratory of Intelligent Technology and Systems of Tsinghua University. “I think it is an efficient way to find an ideal life partner.”

Li met a woman, who is also a Beijinger with a Master’s Degree, on Jiayuan.com in October 2010. They fell in love at first sight and got married seven months later.

“I was inspired by my friends,” Li said. Two of his friends found their partners on online dating websites and got married. Li then wrote a vivid description of himself and five qualifications for potential dates.

But virtual romance has its own pitfalls and dangers. Some websites simply aim to defraud users of money. To avoid the potential for fraud, some service providers and customers ask for real-name registration on their dating websites.

Li said he never wrote emails to women without a real-name registration. As Li sees it, a sincere and honest person would always upload their real information. “Some men on the dating websites are only keen on searching for one night romance, while some women are out there for money.”

“Our real-name registration scheme took effect last year. Up till now, more than 80percent of our users register with their real names,” said Mu Yan, Vice President of Baihe.com. “Starting from March 1 of this year, we are going to realize the goal of 100 percent real name registration,” he said.

ROMANTIC LOVE: A young man presents a bouquet to his girlfriend under water at an ocean park in Wuhan, capital of central China’s Hubei Province, on Valentine’s Day

“Real-name registration works well and complaints have decreased 70 percent,” Mu added.

“Online dating service providers have a responsibility to offer a real and credible service for customers,” said Fan Aiguo, Secretary General of Chinese Family and Marriage Research Association at the All-China Women’s Federation. “Real-name registration is the first step to solve problems of credibility.”

The Internet, however, is not the only modern medium now being used as a matchmaking platform.

TV dating shows have become wildly popular. A well-known TV show titledFei Cheng Wu Rao(If You Are the One) has consistently been the top-rated show in China since it was unveiled by Jiangsu TV in 2010. During the program, 24 women stand in a line, each atop a podium lit by a spotlight. A male suitor then uses two or three video clips to reveal information about himself. After the video clips are shown, each girl can chose to turn off the spotlight, if she is not interested in the man, or leave it on if she is. If all the lights go off, the man loses. If some lights are still on, the man can choose from amongst the remaining girls, or simply walk away. The success of the show has spawned various imitations across other TV stations.

A recent survey indicates that about 5 percent of TV dating show participants end up marrying partners they choose on the program. However even those who fail to find an ideal partner during a show often enjoy romantic success as they receive numerous love letters and proposals from admirers amongst the program’s audience.

The unparalleled popularity of TV dating shows and online dating sites reveal the extent to which young Chinese are willing to embrace new technology in their search for love.

Along with new forms of dating and new ways of finding partners, relationships in China are also now subject to new changes of attitudes.

Prenuptial agreements are becoming a common practice for couples getting married. Half of the respondents have a positive attitude to property identification before marriage. The figure means that young people are increasingly rational about property and assets and would like to resolve possible property issues through legal means.

PARENTS MEETING: Anxious parents consult a marriage broker to arrange dates for their unmarried adult children at the People’s Park in Shanghai on August 27, 2011