內心的火焰

A winters day in Maine, with a cobalt blue sky and a lacing of snow in the pines,1 is incomparably beautiful. If not for the biting cold I would more deeply partake of it.2 As it is, on the coldest days I generally spend time outside only by necessity3: to shop for food, shovel snow, or split wood for the ever-hungry stove.4 But my 15-year-old son is a different story.

It is 7 a.m. and I am standing on the warm side of the kitchen window, hot cup of tea in hand, watching Anton trudge off to school in the dim and frigid Maine morning.5 The only thing more remarkable than a teenages ability to drag himself out of bed and hit the road at such a lonely hour is his attire: shorts and a T-shirt.6 I glance at the thermometer: 20 degrees Fahrenheit.7 Yes. Remarkable.

A well-meaning parent once scolded me for “letting” my son go out in the cold so scantily clad.8 But Anton has always been like this. From running barefoot in the snow when he was 5 to jumping into freezing Maine lakes in autumn, he just doesnt seem to feel the cold. I think, then, that it is a matter of his strength rather than my weakness as a parent.

Early on, of course, my impulse was to bundle him, against his will, to the point of suffocation with woolens, doubled socks, scarf, and gloves.9 And that would have made him uncomfortable and resentful. Considering all the other complexities and challenges of raising a child, I soon learned to choose my battles with care. Dressing for warmth just didnt seem like one worth fighting, no matter how cold I felt just looking at Anton plowing his way through the drifts in his sneakers.10

And then, one day, my forbearance bore unanticipated fruit.11

I awoke at an early hour to the wind howling12 about the eves like a spirit possessed. Our very old, wood-frame house wheezed in the joints—a ship ill at ease on a bounding sea.13 I gazed from bed at the burgeoning day as a light snow gusted past the window.14 During the night the stove had burned its complement15 of wood and gone cold. I girded myself for the bundling up, the pulling on of stiff boots, and the march through the snow to the wood pile for another armful of fuel.16 Warm under the covers, it was the last thing I wanted to do.

And then I heard it. A singular17 sound. A sort of “chock!” that cut through the moaning wind and the creaking house.18 And then again. “Chock!” I lay back in bed and gathered the unmistakable rhythm of wood being split.

“Chock!”

Now even the chill of the house and the early hour could not restrain me. I got out of bed and went to the window. There, his breath steaming from his mouth, was my son—in T-shirt and work gloves—swinging the wood maul in practiced arcs the way I had taught him, coming down squarely on length after length of wood, cleaving the sticks cleanly in two.19

Now, mind you, this is a boy who will not pick his socks up and whose room looks like the final proof of chaos theory.20 But here he was, by dawns early light, splitting wood, unbidden21. A short while later I listened as he returned to the house, dumped the pile into the bin near the stove, and rekindled the fire.22 Then he crept back up to bed.

My impulse was to jump up and thank him. But I didnt do this. Because I didnt want to break the spell23.

All I knew was that some angel of Antons nature had moved him to act, and that his indifference to cold had permitted this. My impression was that he had reached yet another milestone24 in growing up: the one that allowed him, without loss of self-respect, to be aware of the needs of others, parent included.

1. Maine: 緬因州（美國東北角的州）；cobalt:深藍色；lacing: 鑲邊，此處為比喻義。

2. 要不是這刺骨的嚴寒，我會更樂意享受其中。partake of: 分享，參與。

3. by necessity: 不可避免地。

4. shovel: 鏟；stove: 火爐。

5. trudge: 跋涉，吃力地走；dim: 昏暗的；frigid: 寒冷的。

6. attire: 服裝，衣服；shorts: 運動短褲。

7. thermometer: 溫度計；Fahrenheit: 華氏溫標，華氏20度相當于攝氏零下7度左右。

8. well-meaning: 好心的，善意的；scantily clad: （衣服）穿得過少的。

9. 早先，我當然沖動地想把他包裹起來——違背他的意愿——用羊毛外套、雙層襪子、圍巾和手套把他裹到窒息的程度。

10. plow(plough) ones way: 奮力前行；drift: 積雪；sneaker: 運動鞋。

11. 我的忍耐產生了意想不到的結果。

12. howl: 咆哮，吼叫。

13. 我們老舊的木頭架構的房子在其連接處喘息，如同波浪起伏的海面上惶恐不安的一艘船。

14. burgeoning: 迅速生產（發展）的；gust: （強風等）猛刮。

15. complement: 需要的數額。

16.我做好穿得暖暖的、套上硬靴子、走進雪里去木頭堆那兒抱一些柴火的準備。gird oneself: （使）做好準備。

17. singular: 奇怪的，異常的。

18. chock: 此處用作象聲詞，形容劈木頭的聲音：moaning:嗚咽的；creaking:嘎吱作響的。

19. ……（他正）以我教他的弧線形嫻熟地揮舞著伐木錘，來到一節一節的木頭中間，利落地把它們劈成兩半。

20. mind you: 提醒你一下，請注意；chaos theory: 混沌論。

21. unbidden: 自愿的，未被要求的。

22. dump: 傾倒；rekindle: 重新點燃。

23. spell: 魔力，吸引力。

24. milestone: 里程碑。