練習空手道的孩子

As I had my first child， I promised myself to never be a pushy1 parent. I was going to be a very patient and considerate mother.

Five years later， my little boy was about to test for his yellow belt in karate2. This was a big deal for us， especially me. I practiced all day， with him， all of the things that I thought would be on his test. As a five-year-old child， he wasn't taking it seriously， because it was \"Mom\" trying to help him. He goofed3 off and played the whole time. I found myself yelling and telling him he would never get the belt acting like that. I was trying to teach him his back-flip. He continued to play and I continued to yell. Finally I had made him feel like he couldn't accomplish anything， just as I promised myself I wouldn't do.

Still mad and stubborn I couldn't give in. I had to teach him this flip4. He was doing fine with it by the time we had to leave to go to karate. While taking the test， he did great. His instructor would ask him to do something， and it came natural for him. He never asked him to do the back-flip. He had aced his yellow belt test.

We got in the car to go home， when he looked at me and said: \"Mom， why did you make me do that back-flip so many times， when it wasn't even on the test.\" The words wouldn't have meant anything to anyone else， but it was a slap5 in my face. I had had no confidence in my child that had known all along what he was doing and he knew it. For the rest of the night I bragged6 on him to everyone I spoke to. That night while lying in bed， I told him I loved him.

He was playing and didn't say anything， just giggled7. I said \"I really do love you baby.\" I was still feeling guilty， and also wondering if he had forgiven me. Finally he replied in the sweetest voice， \"I know you do， but I love you more.\"

He had forgiven me and I had decided that his feeling were more important than any test he would ever take. I made a new promise to be better mother and to accept that he was only a child. My child and a very sweet one at that.

當我的第一個小孩子出生的時候，我向自己許諾一定不能成為一個拔苗助長的家長。我一定要做一個非常有耐心而且善解人意的母親。

五年之后，我的小兒子即將參加空手道黃帶的考試。這是一件大事，尤其是對我而言。我每天都和他一起訓練我能想到的有可能出現在考試里的內容。由于只是一個五歲的小孩，他并不把這件事情看得很重，因為媽媽會盡一切努力幫助他。他對訓練漫不經心，總是一直在玩耍嬉戲。我沖他大吼大叫，警告他如果再這樣下去，絕對拿不到黃帶。當我試著教他后空翻的時候，他一直在跑神，而我則一直在沖他大吼大叫。最終，我的吼叫讓他感到自己絕對不能夠完成任何事情，而這正有悖于我最初許諾的初衷。

我依然很憤怒和生氣；我不肯放棄。我必須教會他后空翻。當我們準備去參加比賽的時候，他已經可以很熟練地做這個動作了。而在考試中，他的表現非常好。他的教練讓他做什么，他都能很自然地完成。那個教練并沒有考他后空翻。最后，他順利地拿到了黃帶。

我們坐車回家的路上，他看著我然后說道：“媽媽，為什么考試里根本沒有后空翻，你卻讓我練習那么多次呢?”這些話也許對其他人沒有任何意義，但它就像一巴掌狠狠打在我臉上一樣。孩子自己一直都明白他即將要做什么，但我卻對他沒有信心；他明白這一點。在那天晚上，我向所有人炫耀我的兒子已經順利地通過考試。臨睡覺的時候，我告訴他我很愛他。

孩子正在玩耍。他只是咯咯地笑，什么也沒有說。我說：“我真的很愛你，寶貝。”我當時仍然充滿了罪惡感，而且想知道他是否已原諒我。最后，他用最甜美的聲音回答我：“我知道你愛我，但是我更愛你。”

他原諒了我。我意識到了他的這份感情遠比他那天的考試要重要得多。我重新做了一個決定，我要做一個更出色的母親，而且要隨時記住他只是個孩子。我的孩子，一個很可愛的孩子。

注釋：

①pushy adj．執意強求的；死纏硬磨的

②karate n．[日]空手道(日本的一種徒手自衛武術)

③goof n．呆瓜vt．弄糟vi．混，打發時間

④flip vt．擲，彈

⑤slap vt．拍，掌擊

⑥brag n．v．吹牛

⑦giggle v．咯咯地笑