Ｊｏｋｅｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｈｕｍｏｒ

于　瑩供稿

Taking a Taxi

An old lady was going to take a taxi.

“Driver，” she said，“I want you to take me to the station.”

“Yes，madam，” said the driver.

“And you must drive slowly and carefully. Dont go until the policeman lowers his arm. And，please，dont rush round the corners as the road is very wet.”

The driver was getting angry.

“All right，madam，” he said，“but if we do have an accident，what hospital would you like to be taken to?”

乘出租車

一位老太太要搭乘出租車。

“司機，”她說道，“我要你送我去火車站。”

“好的，夫人。”司機回答道。

“你必須開慢點、小心點，等警察放下手臂再往前開。還有，轉彎時請你不要開得太快，因為路非常濕滑。”

出租車司機生氣了。

“好了，夫人!”他說，“如果我們真地發生事故，你希望被送往哪家醫院呢?”

Memory

Patient：Ive lost my memory.

Doctor：When did this happen?

Patient：When did what happen?

記憶力

患者：我失去記憶力了。

醫生：這情況是什么時候發生的?

患者：什么情況是什么時候發生的?

Only Mens Clothes

Judge：When you were committing the theft，did you not spare a thought for your wife and daughter?

Defendant：I did，Your Honor. But there were only mens clothes in the shop.

只有男裝

法官：你盜竊時就沒有替你的妻子和女兒想想嗎?

被告：想過，法官大人。但店里只有男裝，沒有女裝。

If I Were a Millionaire

The teacher asked his students to write an essay，telling what they would do if they had five million dollars.

Every student except little Tom began to write at once. Tom sat idle，twiddling his fingers and watching the flies on the ceiling.

“How is this，Tom?” asked the teacher. “Is this your essay? Every other student has written two sheets or more，while you have done nothing!”

“Well，” replied Tom，“thats what I would do if I were a millionaire!”

假如我是百萬富翁

老師要學生寫一篇作文，談談假如自己有五百萬美元，會干什么。

學生們馬上開始寫起來，只有湯姆呆呆地坐在那里，捻弄著手指，看著天花板上的蒼蠅。

“湯姆，怎么回事?”老師問，“這就是你的作文嗎?其他同學都寫了兩張紙，有的寫得還要多。可你什么都沒寫!”

“噢，”湯姆回答說，“假如我是個百萬富翁，這就是我要做的!”

Mother Didnt Tell Me

A little boy lost his way and went to ask the policeman by the road.

The policeman asked，“Sonny，where is your home?”

The boy replied，“My mother tells me to ask the policeman when I lose my way，but she does not tell me where I live.”

媽媽沒有告訴我

一個小孩迷了路，便去問路邊的警察。

警察問：“小家伙，你家住在哪里?”

男孩回答說：“我媽媽只告訴我迷了路時，就去問警察，但她不說我家住在哪里。”

A Branch

A man was standing at a corner，with a hat in each hand，waiting for handouts. A passerby stopped and dropped a coin in one hat，then asked，“Whats the other hat for ?”

“Business has been so tremendous lately，” the man replied，“that I decided to open a branch.”

分店

一個人站在拐角處，兩手各拿一頂帽子，等待施舍。一個過路人停了下來，往一頂帽子里放了一個硬幣，然后問道：“另一頂帽子用來做什么呢?”

“最近生意非常好，”那人回答道，“所以我決定開一家分店。”