小幽默三則

If Life Were Like A Computer

假如生活是一臺電腦

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!

你可以通過控制面板增加或者刪除一些人；可以把孩子放進回收站，然后在你喜歡的時候再還原。可以通過調整顯示器的設置讓外表更好看；可以在吵鬧的時候關掉音箱；可以點擊“搜索”找到丟失了的遙控器和車鑰匙；鍛煉身體的時候，點擊“運行”。要是你的生活一團糟，同時按下“Ctrl, Alt, Delete”鍵，一切重新開始。

Are You a Normal Person？

你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?” “Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.”“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.” “Noooooooo!”answered the director. “A normalperson would pull the plug.”

參觀一所精神病院的時候一個參觀者問院長，“你們是用什么標準來決定一個人是否應該被關進精神病院呢？”“呃……”院長說，“是這樣，我們先給一個浴缸放滿水，然后我們給病人一個調茶匙，一個茶杯和一個水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 參觀者說。“一個正常人會選擇水桶， 因為水桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大。”“錯了”，院長回答“正常人會把浴缸塞子拔掉。”

Turn Off Your Cell Phone

關掉你的手機

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started walking her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.” By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was feeling a little impatient, so I said, “Couldnt you have done this a little earlier?” “No!!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘Turn Off Your Cell Phone, Please message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.”

那天晚上我們去看電影，和往常一樣我坐在靠走廊的座位上，因為我覺得這里更寬敞。就在即將放映的時候，坐在中間位置的一位女士站起來往外走。“勞駕，噢,不好意思，請原諒，噢。”她走到我旁邊的時候，我試圖繞過她看后面的屏幕。我有點不耐煩：“你就不能早點出去嗎？”“不能！”她大聲說，“屏幕上打出了‘請關掉手機，而我的在車里。”