學(xué)生習(xí)作評(píng)析

一 寫(xiě)作要求：

題目：“世界環(huán)保日”即將到來(lái)，你將為學(xué)校廣播站寫(xiě)一篇宣傳保護(hù)水資源的稿件，包含如下要點(diǎn)：1 水是必不可少的。2 人類(lèi)面臨嚴(yán)重的缺水。3 我們應(yīng)注意怎么做。

二 學(xué)生習(xí)作：

Conserving Water Resource

Water is precious for (1) our life and the development of national economy. It is often described as the source of all living things and the lifeblood of agriculture and industry. Without it， nothing can(2)grow and our world would become(3)terrible desert.

The world we live in is now faced with a severe shortage of fresh water. According to some official figure(4)， more than， 1，700 million people in the world don't have enough clear water to drink and over 25，000 people die of pollute(5) water daily.

So， all of us should actively take actions(6) to save water. It's our duty for the benefit of the future generations.

三 修改：

（1）for 改為to. （2）can 改為could， 此處應(yīng)當(dāng)虛擬語(yǔ)氣。（3）此處加a. （4）figure 改為figures. （5）pollute 改為polluted， 過(guò)去分詞作定語(yǔ)。（6）actions 改為action.

四 評(píng)析：

優(yōu)點(diǎn)：文章清晰，層次分明，語(yǔ)言流暢，用詞靈活，不落俗套，如：用了短語(yǔ)揵e faced with” 還用了一個(gè)比喻揥ithout it， our world nothing could grow and our world would become a terrible desert， 使文章增色不少。”

不足：名詞的數(shù)掌握不太好，寫(xiě)作時(shí)要注意名詞的形式。寫(xiě)后欠仔細(xì)檢查。

五 修改后：

Conserving Water Resource

Water is precious to our life and the development of national economy. It is often described as the source of all living things and the lifeblood of agriculture and industry. Without it， nothing could grow and our world would would become a terrible desert.

The world we live in is now faced with a severe shortage of fresh water. According to some official figures， more than 1，700million people in the world don't have enough clear water to drink and over25，000 people die of polluted water daily.

So， all of us should actively take action to save water. It's our duty for the benefit of the future generations.